"All you need is Rage."
Jim P. Wallace is the very definition of ‘cantankerous old goat.’ He is a veteran EFA tank commander who took shrapnel in the ass half-way through the One Year War. After his honourable discharge, he became the proprietor of a bar in Manhattan, Jim’s Place. He split his time between tending bar and saving the world in a battered old Type 61 MBT alongside the Trailers. Jim was in Guatemala when the DC’s colony drop turned Jim’s Place into Ground Zero. It also destroyed the entire city, but Old Man Wallace didn’t care so much about that. With his vast experience piloting war machines coupled with his burning rage, Jim decided it was time to take revenge on the Divine Crusaders in a big way. To that end, he blackmailed, bullied and bribed his way into a custom-built Morgenroete mech: the Rage Caliber, which boasts the unique feature of turning into an armored bar named Jim’s Place Mk. II. As a pilot, Jim has the ability of becoming stronger as he gets angrier. Now, Jim P. Wallace struggles to overcome his drinking problems, war wounds and Space ‘Nam flashbacks and annihilate those bar-destroying DC bastards... and just maybe he’ll finally embrace his destiny along the way.
Born in 0048 in a changing room at the orbital Wal-Mart, Jim P<REDACTED> Wallace was a hard bastard from the start; not even crying as he pulled himself out of his mother’s trailer trash womb. Of course, that was because he couldn’t breathe, and it took the terrified young Wal-Mart greeter accidentally attending the birth a good minute to realise this. A further half minute later, she figured out that she had to spank the baby to make it breathe. His mother, Lou-Anne Wallace, survived the unorthodox birth as she was every bit as tough and no-nonsense as blood-smeared young Jimmy would grow up to be. She even severed his umbilical cord with a giant robot toy’s pincer arm—perhaps foreshadowing his future career. After cleaning up with some handy Wal-Brand towels and downing a bottle of Wal-Whisky, Lou-Anne swaddled Jimmy in towels like a cheap dollar-store Jesus and finished her shopping.
Jim’s father Gekigangar Wallace was a white man, though he was convinced that he was truly Japanese. This is why he changed his name From Jethro Wallace to Gekigangar Wallace, in honour of the eponymous anime series. MORE FORESHADOWING, perhaps?? Amazingly, Gekigangar and Lou-Anne were actually married, and lived together in their trailer in Youngstown, Ohio. Gekigangar was a failed voice actor, and spent his days drinking Japanese soft drinks and watching anime. Lou-Anne pulled a rickshaw through “beautiful” “scenic” Cleveland.
Life was tough for Jim. As the 5th of 6 kids, he got picked on a lot and had all his toys stolen (though by his dad, not his siblings). Two of Jim’s brothers—the twins Jethro and Jeb— died by the age of 15 from a rare and complicated disability called Drunkenly Falling Into a Trash Bonfire. Of course, this also meant that Jim was now only the 3rd of 4 kids, and got picked on slightly less by his older sisters. His dad still stole his toys, though. Not much happened to Jim until he was 5. He pretty much fought over what toys their dad left them with, sustained a couple terrible burns from boiling water (in pots left with the handles carelessly sticking out!) and broke his arm twice, both times by falling off the counterette in the kitchenette of the trailer. (...ette??)
At 5 he was enrolled in the local Kindergarten. He picked up reading at an average pace, writing a little slower than average, and cussing faster than anyone else in the entire school. Little Jimmy was a champion cusser, able to reduce even much older kids and teachers to tears in a matter of minutes with his amazing abilities. It’s not that Jim was a bully, or even malicious in any way; he just revelled in his power. But he used it responsibly as well. Jim was something of a hero to the ‘little people’ out on the playground: he bitched out bullies like there was no tomorrow, ruining their reputations and soiling their pull-ups. He was like unto an Elementary School God. Or the son of one. Because he was, technically, preaching non-violence. Kind of. Thus continuing his tradition of being a dollar-store Jesus.
Since Jim still got picked on all the time at home, he knew what it was like to be on the receiving end of bullying. This is why he never engaged in the practice himself—except against other bullies. It’s not that he wanted to be a hero or anything, he just got really frustrated at home, unable to challenge his older siblings or his toy-hoarding father. So, naturally, he took out that frustration on the most convenient target: bullies. This is because they were a bunch of big sissies, essentially, and it was easiest to make them cry. But also the most satisfying, as they were generally bigger than him and would most likely thrash him to within an inch of his moustache (which he did not have yet) in a fistfight.
By Jim’s 14th year of life and first year of high school (0062) Jim’s cussing skill was widely regarded as a veritable force of nature, though he had slowed down in his usage of this ability in the interests of not getting his ass kicked on a daily basis. Of course, he got in fights all the time with his siblings at home, so he was vaguely capable of punching someone in the nose and/or grappling them; he just never wanted to in school. Jim was a B student, overall, though he did well in history, geology and, surprisingly, trigonometry. In his senior year, he grew a van dyke moustache. This should logically have made him irresistible, but it did not.
Done with high school, young Mr. Wallace had no clue what to do with his life. So, he joined the Earth Federation Ground Forces in 0064. This was mainly because he thought this would get him some tail. Sadly, after enrolling, he found that none of the female cadets would put out-- not even with his irresistible van dyke moustache. Contolism also showed up around this time, and Jim had to take time off from chasing skirts to learn about it as it was required to ‘know the threats of subversion’. He got pretty bored half-way through the anti-Contolism propaganda movie and tried to make out with the girl next to him. This ended about as well as you might imagine, considering it turned out she was his new drill sergeant.
A year later, Jim-- called simply ‘Wallace’ at this point-- had finished basic training and shown an aptitude for heavy artillery. He was transferred to the tank corps and began training in the art of driving tanks and blowing shit up with tanks. He was good at both, but most especially the latter. His facility with trigonometry actually came in useful in making things explode, and coupled with his naturally disgruntled (and sexually frustrated) demeanour, he made a rather fierce gunner. Jim thoroughly enjoyed his job.
In 0068, a Communist uprising threatened to engulf Bhutan (officially Kingdom of Bhutan, Dzongkha Druk-Yul, kingdom of south-central Asia, located on the eastern ridges of the Himalayas. – Encyclopedia Britannica!). In order to keep the peace (and defend ‘Democracy’), elements of the EFA were shipped out to deal with the situation. What was considered a ‘minor policing action’ ended up lasting 4 years, though global media tended to sweep it under the carpet in favour of reporting on Gundam Fights and the latest developments in giant robot technology. During this time, Jim became extremely adept at blowing things up from deep cover, keeping his tank well hidden, setting ambushes, guerrilla warfare and pointing out all the incredibly stupid errors his commanding officers made. Also during this time, he pretty much gave up on any vestiges of pacifism he had clung to this far. Jim spent so much time stressing out about getting shot in the ass and getting discovered while hidden that he gained premature age lines. The harsh conditions of the Burmese battlefield further weathered his skin, making him look at least 10 years older than he actually was. This wasn’t a big deal back when he was a mere 22-- looking 32-- but as his life progressed, it earned him the nickname of “Old Man Wallace”. Jim also had a habit of subconsciously humming the theme to Gekigangar beneath his breath during engagements, but swore up and down that this was only due to early overexposure to the show, due to his father’s obsession.
In Bhutan, Wally suffered through some pretty horrific conditions at the hands of wily Bhutanese Charlies, inept commanders and a completely unreliable supply chain. At one point, he and his platoon were reduced to eating grubs and roots. Since they didn’t know what roots and grubs to avoid, they ended up getting explosive diarrhoea—if they were lucky. Two of Jim’s best friends died from an unidentified Bhutanese disease after eating the wrong grubs. One died in his arms, firing high-speed rounds of diarrhoea from his back end and phlegmy, green and black projectiles from his mouth right to the end. Experiences like these change a man, scar him mentally. Jim suffers from vivid ‘Tan flashbacks to this day.
In 0072, on returning from Bhutan, Jim met the love of his life. Her name was Cecilia Henson. After a few years of dating, the two got married. The next 20 years were peaceful and mostly happy for Jim and Cecilia. Jim was a pretty good husband, as grizzled, cranky soldiers go. The couple had two children, Joe and Mandy. They grew up as fairly normal children, with only Mandy exhibiting Jim’s genius-level cussing abilities during her young life. Five years after they were born, in 0082, Cecilia inexplicably left Jim and took the children.
He never saw his wife or children again.
This was when Jim became an alcoholic. Hitting the bottle as hard as he’d like to have been hitting life in general, Jim spiralled downwards into violence and depression. Even so, he remained an officer (by now a Lieutenant) in the EFA, and participated in various minor peacekeeping missions. Nothing ever approached the scale and trauma of Bhutan, and for the most part his job was training new tank gunners and showing up for military parades. His squad was affectionately dubbed “Jimmy’s Jerks”. Jim was largely a functional alcoholic in his work, though outside of battle he was a mess. His superiors frequently had to pull him out of some dumpster in some back alley behind some bar the morning before an operation or parade, shove him into a sonic shower and pray that he would behave. If he had not been such a capable and well-loved officer, he would have been discharged immediately. As it was, it took another 10 years for Jim to finally screw up hard enough to get the boot.
In 0093, Jim was in charge of the security detail for a diplomat headed to Side 3 for discussions with the activist Zeon Zum Deikun. Why a tank commander was in charge of security on a shuttle remains a mystery, but the reason is widely believed to have been ‘to get him out of the way for a fancy parade back a HQ’. Unfortunately, the ship was attacked and destroyed by a ‘mysterious’ space fighter. The pilot was killed, but Jim was able to wrestle the ship down to a supply post in lunar orbit. Unfortunately the diplomat also died of his wounds. For his failure to protect the diplomat, Jim P. Wallace was discharged from the military. Some say this was all an elaborate plan to find an excuse to get rid of the wildly popular Lieutenant, while others believe that the EFA would never sacrifice two people just to get rid of one without causing riots in the barracks.
Either way, an enraged (and pensioned) Jim decided that he didn’t NEED the military. He would open a bar instead, where no one would get angry at him for being drunk. Where no one would throw water on his face at 0500 and drag him out of a comfortable dumpster. Where he could do whatever he wanted and no one could tell him otherwise.
Jim’s Place was born, and quickly became one of the most popular bars in Manhattan. Unfortunately for Jim, he found that owning and running a successful bar was not as relaxing as he had hoped, and the grizzled veteran was forced to learn how to mix drinks and had to be up at 0500 every day anyway, if only to call cabs for the patrons who were too drunk to drive home.
About ten years later, the Second Impact occurred. Wars began again in earnest, and the 46 year-old veteran attempted to sign up with the EFA once again. He was refused admission. Undaunted, Jim (now independently wealthy) purchased a Type 61 MBT and parked it right in from of Jim’s Place. Looters and gangbangers in the area coincidentally decided that Jim’s Place was not worth their time, and probably didn’t have anything worth stealing in it anyway.
Jim’s Place and its army of loyal patrons weathered the Second Impact wars and the hard years that followed, and Jim’s alcoholism even seemed to be petering off in the face of all the hard work he needed to do in order to run Manhattan’s most popular bar. Things seemed to be looking up for Old Man Wallace. But then there was the One Year War.
As the Zeon attacked the Earth, Old Man Wallace jumped right into his Type 61, powered it up and drove off to confront them. And miraculously, he did not immediately die. For a few months, Jim and a few other like-minded civilians engaged Zeon forces in an intense guerrilla war through the bombed out streets of New York.
It was not to last, however. While Jim was helping a fellow fighter tune up his buggy-with-a-gun-on-it, they were attacked by a squad of Zaku IIs. The massive rounds from the 120mm rifles tore the buggy-with-a-gun-on-it to shreds, killed its driver and, as Jim had always feared, sent shrapnel right into his ass. Thus continuing his proud tradition of being a Dollar Store Jesus by predicting his crippling wound, Jim dragged himself into a nearby abandoned house and lay slowly bleeding to death.
Fortunately he was found by a group of Jim’s Place regulars and given as much medical treatment as was available at the time (not much). Jim was forced to sit out the rest of the war, and grew bitter. He turned once again to alcohol, drowning his rage and frustration under tons of fermented grains. During this time, Gekigangar was gaining popularity on TV once again, being an excellent propaganda tool for the EFA. Too crippled to get up and turn off the TV or change the channel, Jim was subjected to a marathon of the entire run of the series, plus the Gekigangar V OVA.
Oddly enough, Jim found himself speaking the climactic lines along with the characters, humming the opening and closing themes, even... enjoying the show, to an extent. For 52 years of his life, Jim had refused to admit any love of the show due to his resentment towards his weaboo of a father and his own practicality. But now, crippled and drifting, the world’s favourite anime offered him a ray of hope. A hand descending from the heavens to pull him back to his feet with the power of hard work, guts and friendship.
The OYW ended, and Jim returned to his work running the bar, but in a much-diminished capacity. He spent most of his time helping organise the Trailers and aiding in their efforts against the Dinosaur Empire wherever he could. While he was unable to sortie in his Type 61 tank again for 5 years, he offered financial and tactical aid to the nearby groups in their battles, and generally attempted to ward off the demons of alcohol addiction by burying himself in work and war.
Time passed, and Jim’s wound healed to some small extent. He was finally able to get out of the wheelchair and move around with a cane as of 116, and in 118 he went on a vacation tour of South America to celebrate, bringing a pack of his closest regulars with him.
Of course, during this time the Divine Crusaders decided it would be totally sweet to drop a colony on South America, killing thousands of innocent civilians to get at one dusty and unused military complex. Which seems like a great use of manpower and resources. Unfortunately the colony was ‘accidentally’ diverted to New York, and landed right
This was perhaps the greatest tactical error that the Divine Crusaders have ever made, or ever will make in the future.
All at once, Jim P. Wallace was reborn in the flames of righteous fury. Returning to New York only to see Ground Zero right where his bar used to be, the Old Man began to see red. Hands clenched into long-unused fists. Pupils dilated. Nostrils flared. And he screamed the three words that Destiny had been waiting for him to scream for 60 years.
After that, it was only a matter of money, rage and intimidation. The time had come for Old Man Wallace to claim his destiny, and pilot a giant robot. All that was left was to get one.
To this end, Old Man Wallace emptied his bank account, and he got on a plane. He went to Onogoro Island, and he walked into Morgenroete, and showed them a crude child’s drawing of a robot with a big gun on its shoulder and a cane in its hand.
"Build this robot," he said, and threw a suitcase full of money at them.
"B,but this is a child’s drawing...!" said one engineer.
Old Man Wallace glowered. His voice and posture vibrated with rage. "It took me two weeks to draw that."
Morgenroete set to work with no further complaints, and a month later they produced the OMW-001 Rage Caliber, complete with Jim’s Place Mk.II Armored Bar Mode.
And 60 year-old Jim Wallace got into the cockpit of a giant robot for the first time in his life.
And it felt good.
Jim is your angry old man. Get off his lawn.
Talents & AbilitiesEdit
Jim gets stronger as he gets angrier.