| Conflicting Opinions | |||
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| Summary: Latooni Subota and Leo Stenbuck have conflicting opinions on the importance of ess ee ecks. | |||
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Despite the fact that the 1 Gundam was annihilated by the Spiral King - which makes it extremely curious that it's standing in the hangar looking brand new when Latooni arrives on the Shirogane - Leo Stenbuck's ejection system went off without a hitch, and the only injuries he sustained are a result from the impact of his escape pod and GN drive with a building in Tokyo-03.
Of course, there are still injuries, owing largely to his frail spacenoid constitution and his refusal nowadays not only to wear a helmet, but to wear a pilot suit at all except when strictly necessary. But they're not nearly as bad (read: fatal) or they might have been, and Leo wasn't even pushed into cellular regeneration therapy.
He has, however, cashed in yet another leave day to avoid having to do actual work. Leo has ridden the line where leave credit no longer even accumulated ever since his arrival on Earth, but in the last few months he has been burning through days off like the end of the world was right around the corner.
And so today, instead of doing his actual job, Leo is sprawled out on his back in his bed, one arm draped across his eyes, wearing only a teal A-LAWS tanktop and his uniform pants. A pair of dogtags is sprawled out across his chest on top of the tanktop, and the piece of metal Latooni gifted him is attached - possibly via sorcery - to the chain, to dangle with the tags.
More notably than any of that, however, is the fact that Leo's room is - somehow - clean. Gone are the piles of dirty clothes and garbage - although the trashcan and hamper /are/ both still full - and the assortment of doodads and junk that was sprawled across the floor have all been neatly arranged on shelves and desktops.
Perhaps a wizard did it?
Latooni Subota managed to totally destroy one of her own units as well. Fortunately, there are extra Daggers to go around, even if relatively few of them are of the strangely modified design she is currently testing. She does not have to make deals with who-knows-who to get a new one on short notice. She only looks askance at the 1 Gundam for a moment. Maybe they had a spare.
Yeah.
No longer needing to ask for directions to get to Leo's room, Latooni makes her way there without talking to anyone, a new record even for her. She is off duty too, but for medical reasons rather than by choice; her lower right arm is wrapped in bandages, and she moves with a little less than her normal customary grace.
Latooni knocks on Leo's door lefthanded. "It is me," she says, to take the edge off his surprise when she opens it several moments later. It looks different in here, she almost immediately thinks. Very different.
Leo's response to the knock is about what would be expected; he groans wordlessly, rolls over onto his stomach, and buries his face in his pillow. Only after the door opens and Latooni announces herself does he look back over his shoulder at her.
Also as would be expected, he looks situated firmly on the corner of depressed and exhausted... but his expression does brighten, at least a little, when he sees Latooni.
"Hey, beautiful," he says weakly, with a small smile. He rolls over onto his back again and swings his legs off the side of the bed, sitting up and extending his arms towards Latooni in the universal gesture for 'come hug me, woman.' "Is your arm okay?"
Latooni Subota expected exhaustion. Depression, too, from what she's heard about him. She feels guilty for having not come sooner, after Leliel... and she can't entirely blame work for keeping them apart, although it certainly wasn't helping them.
"No," Latooni says, and she is /probably/ referring to her arm. "But it will heal. It was cut during my escape from the Dagger." There was a lot of jagged metal down the back. She hit some of it by mistake. At least nobody died.
Latooni does meet Leo's embrace. It is shorter-lived than it might otherwise be; both her arm and her ribs hurt too much to get squeezed a lot today. "I am not interrupting your... day off, am I? Were you cleaning?" It is hte only reason she can think of why everything is now in place when it wasn't before.
Despite really, really not wanting to, Leo lets Latooni go when she pulls away; he doesn't want to hurt her, after all, and if her arm is that bad... He does, however, lean in and plant a quick kiss on her lips before she pulls back completely.
"No, it's fine," he assures her once he's forced to ler her go, moving his arms to try to gently pull her down onto the bed next to him. "This just sort of-" He stops mid-explanation, turning to look around his magically clean room.
Somehow, he doubts saying that it just sort of cleaned itself, or even who he suspects must have done it, will make him seem anything but crazy. So instead, he just repeats, "It-it's fine. I'm glad you came."
Rooms don't just clean themselves, but sometimes people are seized with a need to just clean them. Latooni's tendency toward being a neat freak assists Leo here. She assumes he just got tired of the mess and picked it up, the same way she would.
Latooni seats herself on the bed next to Leo. She may not be hugging but she is, at least, being friendly. Why shouldn't she? She always is, around him. Now if only she knew why Rei was telling her she had to be. She's been trying to figure that out for days now, ever since she heard - and keeps coming up with only one answer, which she doesn't like.
So she tries to ignore it. "How are you?" she asks instead, which she is well aware is a very lame conversational gambit but it's the only one she can think of. "Are you - um, all right, after last night...?"
Leo, too, is as 'friendly' as always; once Latooni is seated, he wraps his arm around her waist, and gives it the lightest squeeze he can manage out of fear of somehow agitating her injuries. "I'm alright," he insists gently. "... I mean... alright... -ish, I guess. I don't know."
Leo falls silent for a few beats, torn between trying to act tough for Latooni's sake and his desire to stay in bed forever, but eventually forces himself past the dilemma by saying, "I'm sorry you're not. All right, I mean. I should have protected you from the Angel, but..."
He trails off, a pained expression flashing across his face. Unsure of what else to do, and (as always) hungry for affection, rather than continue speaking he just leans in to give Latooni another kiss.
Latooni Subota reacts well to light squeezes. She rests her head against Leo's shoulder when he does. "Don't worry about that," Latooni says. "I wasn't badly hurt then. I actually was rescued by Princess Athha and borrowed her machine - that was me, against the Spiral King, at the end. You don't need to protect me."
She says nothing for a few moments - not until the kiss is over. And she does break it first, although it takes quite some time. Afterwards, though, she slides away. It's only an inch or two, but it's still a bad sign.
Latooni isn't sure where to go. She likes being around Leo, but she has questions, except she's not entirely sure this is the right time to ask them... "I wanted to make sure you were all right," Latooni says, repeating herself without really meaning to. "And... have been. After that Angel. Not last night's. The one before. You weren't inside. But did you see anything from the outside...?"
Leo's confusion - and, to an extent, hurt - when Latooni moves away from him is immediately evident on his face. As she starts talking, he tries to tell himself she just didn't want to be tempted, or something, because they have to talk about Serious Things now, but he's still worried; Louise has taught him that it's very possible, and indeed even common, for women to get mad at him for seemingly no reason and then punish him without ever telling him what he did wrong.
It takes an effort of will not to literally pout at Latooni while she asks her question, but he just barely manages it. "No," he answers, with a shake of his head. "It just kept... floating there. You and everybody else were gone, and- I was so scared something had happened to you, I-"
Leo forces himself to stop before he starts babbling, exhales sharply through his nose, and then summarizes, "I kept engaging until I burned out the 1's drive. They recovered me and brought me down to the Geofront, and then, uh..."
The young man coughs, looks away, and sheepishly admits, "They, uh, sedated me, after that. Apparently they didn't want me to go back out, and wouldn't let me call in another Tau drive, so I tried to commandeer a tank or something..."
Oh, Leo, is what Latooni thinks.
She actually smiles, just a tiny bit. "You did all of that for us?" Latooni says, her voice making the question sound... well, less intense than it otherwise would. "I don't blame you, though. It must have been very frightening. With everyone just vanishing inside..."
She pauses again. She didn't want to be the one to say this, but she really can't think of a good way around it. "DId anyone tell you what... we saw? Inside? I don't know if you talked to Noriko, or to Jung, or Asuka..." Latooni's voice catches on the last. Asuka, who came out with one eye, and has since screamed quite a lot about Leo.
Rumours get around. Latooni has heard them now. Even more than just last night.
Leo's only response to the first question - rhetorical as it is - is to look back at Latooni and offer another weak smile. The smile falters, however, when she goes on to talk about Leliel... and vanishes entirely when her voice catches on the name 'Asuka'. Is /that/ what she's mad about? But that- it-
Leo grimaces, and looks down at his lap. "No," he says, quietly. "I haven't really... had the chance to talk to- I mean, I wanted to talk to you, but-" He sighs again, looks up, and gestures vaguely.
"And NERV never tells me anything, so..." Another sigh... and then he turns to face Latooni more, and asks, with morbid curiosity, "What... uh, what happened?"
It is part of what Latooni is mad about, or at least upset; she doesn't really do /mad/ and never did. "I wanted to talk to you too," Latooni says, "but I didn't really want to be the one to tell you about what happened inside..."
Chicken, her brain tells her. You were afraid of what he'd do if you told him.
She pauses, taking a deep breath, then lets out all at once: "It was a phantom world. It made us think we were somewhere else. Where we were happy. You were there. I didn't know if it had... taken you, too, somewhere else, and that's where it got the idea to. Or if it all came from us. It was ... very nice, at first, until we found out what was wrong about it."
Well, that's kind of bizarre.
"Uh... oh," Leo offers lamely, unsure of what else to say. "I was there? Well... I mean, I wasn't /really/ there, so I guess it must have... I don't know." He shrugs helplessly, and falls silent again for a moment, rolling what Latooni has told him around in his mind.
And then, abruptly, his brain seizes on something extremely relevant to his current condition, and without really thinking about it he blurts, "How did you know?" After an awkward pause, he clarifies, "I mean, how did you know it wasn't... real? Like... I mean, was it...?"
"..."
Latooni shifts slightly uncomfortably. She extends that awkward pose even longer, to make it /double awkward/. "There were mistakes," Latooni says, eventually. "And it was... too good. Nobody's life is like that. Everything going right... But mostly it was the mistakes. I am an analyst. It's my job to notice them."
That's how she got out from the School, too.
Latooni falls silent for a long time. Then: "The Angel looked like you. Inside. It wanted to make people happy, at first, until - until it noticed what we were doing, what we were thinking. Then it got angry. I ... you needed to know. In case someone remembers what happened inside, better than I do. I think Johnny - he did. And - "
Rei, apparently.
Leo's brow furrows in confusion at the revelation. The Angel... looked like him? "That doesn't-" he begins immediately, but he interrupts himself, rocking his weight back and forth where he sits. Maybe /that's/ why she's mad; because an alien dressed up like him and did something bad to he.
The fact that he is thinking this thought, right now, upsets and exasperates Leo, simply because the thought that he'd have to run damage control because of an alien playing dress-up is ridiculous.
"Baby, you know I'd never do anything to hurt you," he insists, scooting closer to Latooni and reaching out for the hand of her uninjured arm. "I didn't- I didn't /do/ anything, I wasn't even in there or whatever," he repeats helplessly.
Latooni Subota is tense, but it isn't directed at Leo. She's not angry with him. In fact, when he grips her hand, she reaches over with her other to rest it on top.
"I know you didn't," Latooni says, and means it. "I know it wasn't you. You... but it's very hard to remember what happened in there. Someone else might blame you. Or someone who remembers all of it... might think that you did it, and then forgot, like the rest of us. Like Johnny. Or like Rei..."
She clears her throat. "But I don't. I do have a question for you, though. I didn't ask it before because it only matters to me. It's not as important. I want you to really answer it... but I'm not going to be mad."
Latooni looks right up at Leo's face. She asks only one word; as far as she's concerned, she shouldn't need to say anything else. "Asuka?" she asks, quietly.
Things like 'facts' are often of little import to Leo Stenbuck, even on a good day. As down in the dumps as he already is, he's interpreting Latooni's tension as repressed anger, simply because that is the worst possible turn of events.
So when Latooni brings up the topic of Asuka again, Leo's expression - until then merely a frown of baffled concern - enters 'kicked puppy' territory. She /says/ she isn't going to be mad, but... Leo looks down at his lap again, and is silent for several long seconds.
Then he takes a deep breath, looks back up, and says, "Yeah." Immediately, he adds, almost frantically, "But- it didn't mean anything, and- I mean- she seduced me, what was I supposed to do?!"
Apparently, 'not sleep with her' was not an option on the table.
Latooni Subota does not get any more tense than she was before. This may go a ways to make Leo feel better. Or not; he's not always the most rational of people.
"I don't know," Latooni says, completely honestly. "But I wanted to know if it was true, or just... something she said. Something people said. Because..."
She pauses. She has to actually conciously recall the conversations she had with Excellen, with Garnet, with Arado when she was trying to convince him /not/ to kill Leo. "It's an important thing," Latooni eventually says. "It's something people who love each other very much do. You don't do it just because you can. But I didn't know if you felt that way about Asuka."
And then Leo did the worst thing he could possibly do in this situation:
He disagreed.
"Well," he says, uncertainly, "It... /can/ be an important thing. It depends on, you know, on who you're doing it with. I mean, if you and I were to... I mean, yeah, that'd be important, it'd, you know, it'd mean something."
"But with her... I mean, I don't love her or anything," Leo assures Latooni, a little warily. "It's- it's not like it was a big deal. It was just sex."
Latooni Subota does not actually react very much at all. She sits. It's not really Rei-esque because she still breathes and blinks.
"No," Latooni says, eventually. "It's more important than that. I told Arado you weren't the kind of person who... who did that, with lots of girls. I told Garnet, too. And Excellen. Because they asked, and I said you were better than that."
She hesitates only a moment. She had been going to say more - but Rei's words ring in her ears again. "Do you - " Latooni can't ask it. She /tries/, but she can't get the words out; she sits, for a moment, and mostly looks miserable.
Rei breathed! Just... not noticably.
Regardless, as the silence goes on, Leo grows increasingly uncomfortable. She said she wouldn't be mad, but he's pretty sure she is. Did he say something wrong? (The answer to that question is, of course, 'yes', but Leo is not always the sharpest tool in the shed.)
He looks yet more crestfallen when Latooni sticks to her guns regarding the issue at hand. He wrestles, briefly, with whether to risk turning the discussion into an argument or to just smile and nod so they don't end up fighting...
... but, in short order, that stops seeming so important, when she attempts (and fails) to ask a question. Leo's brow furrows in confusion, and after a moment of awkward silence, he scoots closer to the girl and leans in to kiss her again.
He breaks it after a few seconds, and without moving his face from next to Latooni's, quietly asks, "Do I what?"
Latooni Subota turns aside from the kiss this time. Leo gets a perfectly good one if he likes the cheek.
"Nothing," Latooni says, too fast. "I shouldn't have brought it up at a time like this. But I needed to know. Louise, too?" The last is a little more prying than the first - because from what she hears around the place, Louise is not exactly a one-night stand.
She adds, a moment later, "Arado won't want you talking to me anymore if you keep doing that."
Okay, yeah, she's definitely mad. Leo glowers, but settles for kissing her on the cheek, because /he will not be defeated./
Well, okay, he probably will.
The question about Louise makes him flinch, and he finally pulls away from Latooni, retreating back into his own personal space, setting the hand that isn't still clinging to Latooni's in his lap and staring down at it.
After her warning about Arado, Leo grimaces, and admits, without looking up, "... yeah. Louise, too." He pauses, and then continues, still without looking up, "But... those are the only two, I swear, and-- Asuka didn't mean anything, and she's, she's fuckin' crazy anyways, and Louise is just-- I mean-- we're just friends."
"I don't-- why is this such a big deal to you?" he asks helplessly, after another short pause. "I mean, I just-- do you know how hard it is for me to sleep alone? And I don't-- I don't want to, to pressure you into it, or anything, and even if you want to, you're hardly ever /here/, and I just--"
The longer he talks, the faster it approaches 'babbling' territory, and the closer his tone drifts to a sort of miserable whine.
Latooni Subota's words are immediate and, to Leo, probably the worst words she could have used.
"I don't want to."
She looks at him again, straight on. She even lets her glasses slide down so he can see her eyes a little more clearly. "Not... not yet. I don't know what it's like, but - not yet. I'm sorry, it's just... it would mean something to me. If it happened."
Latooni just gives up and takes her glasses all the way off. "You've changed," she says, softly. "I like some of the changes. But I don't like some of the others. I'm worried about you. You're... erratic, sometimes. Unsteady. You get angry..."
Those are, in fact, pretty bad words. Latooni speaking them is a lot like her curb stomping Leo's self-esteem, and he immediately shrinks away from her like he'd been shouted at.
The addition of 'not yet' mitigates the damage a little, but he still looks awfully chastised, and as Latooni keeps speaking, he pulls his hand away from hers, crosses his arms tightly over his chest, and stares pointedly down at the floor. He's silent for a good fifteen seconds after Latooni trails off; he just sits there, staring forlornly at the floor.
When he eventually speaks, it's to say, "I understand." Technically, it is a lie; he doesn't understand, but he's trying very hard to. "I don't-- w-with you, it would mean something to, to me, too. I don't want to make you feel like-- I mean, I, I want to, but-- when you're ready--"
Leo finally gives up on attempting to say words in an order in which they make sense, and just turns away from Latooni, hunching his shoulders. "I don't know what to say," he mutters, voice wretched.
Latooni Subota puts her glasses back on to avoid meeting Leo's gaze, quite. There are a lot of things she could say to make it better. She /wants/ to say some of them, but she's not sure they will come out properly. If she messes it up, she could make it even worse.
"I'm sorry," she says, quietly. "But you should know that people say these things about you, and I don't want them to be true. I don't want you to be angry all the time, or to treat girls wrong, or... any of that."
She stands up, wincing as her body reminds her that yes, she is still stiff, and it liked it much better when she was sitting. "I'm glad you're all right. And I'm sorry I made it worse." She is. It's not a lie. "I still l - I - you're my best friend," Latooni admits. "I don't want to make it bad. I've never had one before to know what to say."
Leo has officially entered an area where he does not even know how or what to feel; so the more Latooni says, the more he retreats into himself, hunching over like a God damn Fleaman, his arms wrapped tightly around his chest. He pointedly refuses to look back at Latooni; it just seems like it's not a good idea, at the moment.
"It's fine," he assures her weakly. "I..." He hesitates, and then adds, "I'm... sorry I'm not perfect." It's kind of a weird thing to say, and made even moreso by the fact that it isn't some passive-aggressive sarcastic snipe; it is simply Leo apologizing, sincerely, for not being perfect. "Or... at least better..."
He shifts uncomfortably, and after another brief pause, murmurs, "... maybe you should go..."
Latooni Subota feels so guilty, after that one, that she can't.
Latooni hesitantely reaches up and puts one hand on Leo's shoulder. "I don't expect you to be perfect. Nobody is perfect." No matter how much she wants to be, how much she tries - she can't be. And neither can anyone else. "But you can be good. And - I like it when you are."
She is not sure at all where to go from here. None of the conversations she had with any of her various mother or near-mother-like figures actually got to this point. "Just - please. I want to help you."
Leo still doesn't look back at Latooni, but her words, and the touch, do elicit a long, shuddering breath out of him; for a few moments, his shoulders spasm as if he were crying, but there's certainly no sobbing.
After a few seconds, the spasming subsides, and he reaches up with one hand and gently squeezes Latooni's hand, where it rests on his shoulder. "If you want to help me," he says quietly, "Please, just... give me some time. I don't... don't know what else to..."
Latooni Subota feels even guiltier. But she knows when someone needs to be left alone. She needs it herself sometimes.
"Okay," Latooni says, stepping back. "But if you need me - I'll be there. I'm not on duty for a few days." Because of her arm, presumably. She's not the sort who takes days off on a regular basis.
She steps toward the door without saying much more.
Leo doesn't move or speak until Latooni is gone, and even then it's a full minute before he groans like someone had punched him in the stomach and flops over to sprawl out face-down on his bed, his face buried in his pillow again.
He may be attempting to suffocate himself into unconsciousness.