2011-03-15 - Katz And The Magical Girl Conundrum

 Captain Bright Noa transmits, "/KATZ/. /BRIDGE/. /NOW/."

 Macua Huitl transmits, "... Woah."

 Duo Maxwell transmits, "Wu-oh."

 Katz Kobayashi transmits, "But I just got the high score on Minesweeper!"

 Captain Bright Noa transmits, "/If you don't get your ass front and center in the next ten seconds../"

 Katz Kobayashi transmits, "ACK! YES SIR!!!! *sound of something crashing, followed by shoes squeeking on the floor*"

 Duo Maxwell transmits, "Katz, findin' the most bombs ever in one click ain't how you get a high score on minesweeper."

 Katz Kobayashi transmits, " Shut up, Duo! It's better than you!"

Bright Noa is sitting in the command chair, looking about as pleased as.. well.. someone who is not very pleased at all.

Suddenly, from the door, a very breathless Katz Kobayashi skids into the room. He is dressed in his uniform...which has a stain on it from the chocolate bar he was eating. He looks at Bright with wide eyes, looking around at anyone else in the room who was likely glaring at him. "You need something sir?"

"/Katz/," Admiral Bright's eyes narrow at the mere sight of Katharon's most enterprising ensign. "What the -hell- have you done!?" The question could not be more generic. Katz might be on the hook for at least a dozen problems aboard the ship, not to mention anything /outside/ of it.

One of the huge overhead viewscreens is playing a series of newsfeeds in regard to the recent debacle in Neo-Riksent. The protests by dinosaur-rights activists aside, it's all about Katz Kobayashi the terrorist from Celestial Being and his assault on a certain blonde monarch.

"What have you pulled us into this time!?"

"I, I can explain sir! You remember that peace talk you had with Captain Beejina and everyone else? Well I remember how the A-Laws screwed us over with the help of Shine Hausen. So realizing this, I took it upon myself to try to get a better deal. I did a lot of research and the Federation is a very corrupt body...so I decided to hit her where it hurt! I went to the wreckage of her home in Riksent and dug up the source of her power! Then I had it restored with my allowance." Katz speaks very quickly and clearly because he is sure Bright will follow the brilliance of the plan.

"That reporting is just a sign of the corrupt media trying to frame a freedom fighter like me!" Katz forces a smile despite Bright's angry stare. "I just wanted you to be proud of me for really thinking of a way to win the war! I'm sorry it didn't work but I tired my best."

"...."

Admiral Bright stares at Katz for several moments. His expression neutral until the sheer reason-breaking nonsense of Katz's explanation gets the better of him. It shakes at the foundation of his composure, causing the corners of his lips to twitch and his hands to shake. He holds, until the very urge to scream gets the better of him.

"WHAT!?"

The sound is so loud it echoes across the ship.

WHAT!?

And penetrates across the eternal twilight of space.

WHAT!?

Bright has to clutch the ends of his arm-rests to keep from leaping out to strangle Katz. "What," he says through his teeth, barely restrained, "Did you. /Take/."

 Bright Noa says, "WHAT!?"

 Captain Bright Noa transmits, "WHAT!?"

 Captain Bright Noa transmits, "WHAT!?"

 Staren Wiremu transmits, "What, what is it?!"

Katz sees Bright's reaction in slow motion, seeing every muscle in his face and neck warp into that hate filled shape of someone about to murder someone else. His eyes widen and he hears that loud shriek.

"WHAT"

Meanwhile On Earth

Roy Fokker looks up from making Hathaway Noa holding his beer as he hears something from the sky.

"WHAT?!"

Roy blinks for a moment, looking over to Mirai Noa. "Did you---"

"Shut the hell up. Jack Sparrow is about to keelhaul that scalawag." Mirai gives her friend Roy a look. It was very clear that despite Roy's charm and chiseled abs, he was never going to touch Mirai Noa. However, Hathaway still dreamed that his father was as cool as Roy Fokker, International Man of Brewery.

MEANWHILE IN A DISTANT ALTERNATE DIMENSION

"WHAT?!"

Lil' Jon looks up from his drunk party escapades and looks toward the sky. "HUUU-WHAT?!"

It echos again, "WHAT?!"

"HU-WHAT?!" Lil Jon lifts up his braids and looks around, holding up his golden, jewel encrusted pimp cup.

"WHAT?!"

Lil' Jon grins and toasts the sky. "HOOO-KAY!"

MEANWHILE PAST THE FOUR WALL AND IN ANOTHER DIMENSION

"So yeah, that's my plan for Katz." Katz' player on SRW Mush says in page to Bright Noa's Player. "I really think it will be awesome and it will really bring in the lolls....Also I plan to reference like 15 movies during it."

"That's a lot of movies... So anyway, we really need to solve what happened to those jewels Katz took." Bright says in page.

"WHAT?!"

"You hear something?" Katz pages.

"....Probably just the sound of people complaining that we haven't brigged you yet."

Both laugh.

BACK ON SRT MUSH IN THE NOW NOW

Katz leaps out of the way like a small rodent when Bright holds back from coming for his neck. He even makes out an excitable chirp. "I, I, I just was trying to do something good!"

"/What/ /did/ /you/ /take/," Bright is grappling with his desire to shake Katz like a goddam ragdoll at this very moment. "/Tell/ /me/," he explains in a very slowed and purposeful tone, "/Or else/ /I might have to hurt you/." It is all very fatherly, honest.

 Macua Huitl transmits, "... such anger. What's going on...."

 Oliver Evlien transmits, "It sounds urgent."

 Macua Huitl transmits, "I don't know..."

Katz gulps, standing back up with wide eyes. "This Jewelry I found....It's how she transforms into Fairlion Pink I think." He holds up the offending jewelry, looking like a deer in headlights. "I think I checked a history book and her mom must've used it to be a magical girl too... There are all these pictures of her with it on."

"You.."

"I.."

"You.."

"/..../"

The Admiral snaps. His expression going from a look of bewilderment to complete abject fury. He -leaps- out of his chair, carried by the ultra-low gravity within the bridge as he launches himself for Katz.

One hand swipes out to snatch the bauble from Katz.

The other hand swings out a knuckle-sandwich across Katz's adolescent jaw.

"..That is the most retarded thing I've ever heard in my life..!"

Katz is pretty hopefully he made Bright understand him. He can tell by his tone that he isn'tKatz flinches as Bright screams at him again, leaping to his feet.

This time, Katz can't dodge. He is snagged by Bright's grip. The punch impact Katz' face, conceivably knocking all of the stupid out of his head. That's how the Bright punch works!

The impact is enough to make Lil' Jon from a couple of dimensions over go, "YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAH!"

Katz looks back at Bright, stunned... It appears Bright has shown Katz.

Until.

Katz glares at him "OWWWWWW! WHY'D YOU HIT ME?!"

"Because there's no such thing as a /magical girl/, Katz." Bright admonishes with a disapproving squint of his eyes. "Even though Shine is an annoying little girl trying to play big government, you've managed to single-handedly unravel an ongoing operation to root out Trailer corruption."

"And with all the public attention you've been getting, I'm fairly certain Celestial Being is going to appear from out of nowhere and blow us all to hell," Bright grunts.

"B, but Admiral! I saw their mechs! They dance and shoot lasers! That's the very definition of magical girl! And you're telling me she's not! Have you been compromised, sir?! I know the Federation occasionally brainwashes people to hide sensitive data such as the existence of magical girls!" Katz keeps talking despite all rational thought saying he should shut up.

"But I'm not Celestial Being! maybe I should make a statement saying I represent AEUG! Then we'd get all the credit!"

"/..../"

Admiral Bright's hand swings out across Katz's face like some kind of flesh-toned stone.

"I swear to god, Katz, if you've been hanging out around Staren again.."

"No I---" Katz is punched again and stops talking for a moment. However, after a moment, he continues. "No, I don't. I read up a bunch of blogs on the federation and other message boards! They said the DC and the EFA are one and the same. It's all a big show! Did you know that sir?!"

"/Katz/.." Bright calmly says as he rests his hands on the young pilot's shoulders. He takes in a breath of the Argama's recycled air.

..and promptly begins shaking him violently.

"YOU CAN'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ ON THE NEO INTERNET, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE HAD TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU!?"

A few more shakes and Bright calms down enough to stop. "..If you keep this up, I'm going to pull you from the flight roster and you're going to be returning to your father."

Katz is shaken, flailing about like a ragdoll. He looks at Bright when he's finished and calmly says. "You can't shake me that hard. You'll damage my Newtype brain."

But what he says next makes Katz' eyes widen. "NO! YOU CAN'T! I'll NEVER BE A HERO IF I GO BACK THERE! I'LL JUST BE....useless again." Katz sighs and looks kinda pathetic. "I just want to be a hero like Amuro and Mr. Quattro."

Bright Noa groans. "Being a hero is the fastest ticket to an early death, Katz. You're not even ready to take on half of the things you want to, let alone running off on bad intel. That's not being a hero, that's just being stupid."

"You're wrong! Amuro is a hero and he's still alive! You let Camille do whatever and he's just as dumb and young as I am! You're wrong, Admiral! I want to be a hero like them! Why can't anyone understand this?!" Katz actually starts to yell at Bright despite better judgement.

"I understand it, you're just too damn much of a loose cannon!" Bright snaps. "How do you expect anyone to trust you when you're always running off half-cocked!?"

"You let everyone else run around like idiots! I actually try to impress you and the others and I'm always the last picked! You let others use my Gundam! I get no respect here despite being with you guys much longer than Camille or guys like Staren! Everyone else gets a chance! I don't! I try so hard! Why don't you understand that!" Katz points at Bright.

"Because you're some dumb kid who keeps getting in over his head!" Bright fires back at Katz. "And I'm not letting you go rocketing off in getting yourself or someone else killed just to satisfy your childish sense of gloryhounding! Now get down to the brig and the hell out of my sight!"

"The Brig?! What did I do?! I didn't do anything!" Katz stares at Bright, red in the face from being made a fool of.

"You're staying there until you can cool down and get some damn perspective!" Bright hollars as he sweeps his hand out to the door.