2011-01-07 - Return to Sender

Jindai High School

Located in the Jindai District of Tokyo-02, Jindai High (known fondly as "Jin High" to those who do in fact remember it fondly) is fairly standard as Japanese high schools go, notable mainly for its active and rather powerful student council...and the oddly high number of teenage mecha pilots in attendance.

 Out to Tokyo 02 - Asama Onsen

It is lunch-time and Kabuto Koji sits with the rest of his classmates in the cafeteria.

Well, okay, he sits alone because for some reason none of his friends are around today. Or perhaps he has driven them all off. What might seem likely? The answer: they just have a different lunch period than Koji.

As he remain dressed in his rather boring school uniform, Koji busies himself with the task of nibbling upon a tuna fish sandwich that he himself made this morning. It is a delicious and nutritious sandwich and no doubt somewhere in another school, Shinji Kabuto eats the same thing.

The sandwich is so delicious in fact that it causes Koji's attention to focus entirely upon its consumption... ...and not to pick a fight with a school aide who gives him a dirty look for having such wild sideburns and ridiculously unkempt hair.

Tetsuya Tsurugi should not be here.

It's not the fact that he's been homeschooled by one of the craziest bastards on the planet. It's not that he's older than most of the people in here, and should probably be on a university campus somewhere. It's that this man, with his similarly messy hair, is completely bereft of any sort of uniform.

Also, he probably shouldn't actually /be/ here. Considering that there seems to be some sort of extremely vocal woman failing miserably in the act of trying to hold him back, this is likely because he didn't bring any sort of identification. Shouldn't these people know him by now? He only lives like, half a mountain away.

Tetsuya pauses at the lunch room. Where his gaze is cast, some more perceptive students begin to inch away. He's wearing his casuals today, and as the white ascot around his neck billows in a nonexistant breeze, he finally finds who he's looking for.

There's another squeak from the woman latched to his sweater as he starts moving. She loses her grip and stumbles, falling onto a conveniently placed salted bun. Her eyes go wide as soon as she notices who this stranger is moving towards. "Koji," Tetsuya intones, gravely, "I figured you'd be here."

The secretary whimpers. Oh God, Kabuto Koji has a visitor. This can only mean one thing.

GANG FIGHT.

Nibble nibble nibble.

Oh god someone is talking now what the hell.

"Eh..?" Koji mumbles with a mouthful of tuna. Leading with his shoulder, he turns back to look at who is calling his name. His eyebrow arches high. Mayonnaise-greased lips smack together, "T-Tshloogie Tetsommpyaa??" Koji asks amid a mouthful of sound-muffling sandwich.

Yes, this is Tsurugi Tetsuya! A Man of Inferior Sideburns!

Perplexed, Koji stares on at Tetsuya's inexplicable appearance and asks, "Mmgpsmfpgggpff!"

Maybe he should chew and swallow before talking. But this is a very delicious tunafish sandwich.

Tetsuya's eyebrow twitches slightly. His 'younger brother' could never learn how to eat properly, could he? "Yes, it is I, Tsurugi Tetsuya. Don't look so surprised. I'm astonished that you didn't expect me." As if anyone would expect someone charging through the halls of a highschool to talk to one particular delinquent. Also, he'll have to talk to Boss later about why he wasn't informed that Koji was back. It's probably because the big oaf hasn't even /been/ in here for the past month.

"Swallow your food. I need to talk to you."

Koji Kabuto stares at Tetsuya for several minutes longer.

Then he starts chewing again, only to reach out for his tiny carton of chocolate milk and suck from its straw.


 * schlorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp*

"...." Koji continues to stare at Tetsuya.

The gulp comes seconds later, a great bulge of food suddenly shoved from his mouth down his throat and into his belly. Yummy yummy yummy he has love in his tummy.

And then Koji blinks, "Can't it wait? You're interrupting lunch time!"

His eyebrow twitches one more time. That... That seems to be acceptable, but the nerve, for him to be eating when he manages to make time to visit! "I suppose I can wait for a minute or so. But I did have to argue for time to come and see you." His arms cross over his mighty chest, "Why didn't you send word that you were alive?"

"A--..." Koji begins to open his mouth and speak. Only, his eyes slide to the right as a memory pummels its way into his conscious thought...

WARNING: Re-telling may not use original animation sequences!

...it's almost half a year ago and a wild-eyed Koji screams from the confines of his Pilder as CONCEPT-X 6-1-2 Turn X thrusts its destruction manipulator into the head of Mazinger Z. Everything goes hot and bright white...

.. and Koji Kabuto awakens upon a marble floor somewhere far, far away from home. The shadow of a colossus looms over him, great spikes jutting from the sides of its head. "Ehh... naniwa?!" sputters the young pilot.

Back in reality, Koji closes his mouth and pauses in additional thought. "..There was a war going on," he answers Tetsuya. "I was busy doing my part." He looks away for a moment, his spirit chilled by the woodlands of Germany.

Or, maybe he just wanted another hit from his chocolate milk carton.


 * schlorrrrrrrrrrrrrp*

"You could have at least given us word," Tetsuya presses. He seems... Concerned? No, angry? Possibly, but then, he always looks that way, whether he intends to or not. "You did not have to fight alone- and it would have put Sayaka at ease." Tetsuya Tsurugi, telling Koji Kabuto to BE MORE SENSITIVE!?

What is this, some kind of weird, parallel upside down world!?

"I knew you were an idiot," there's a sigh, "But I didn't think it was this bad." Or maybe Tetsuya just doesn't know that this Koji Kabuto is one who has COVERED WARS! Or covered people in wars. His eyes fall harshly on the boy infront of him. A grunt. Tetsuya moves again, but his gaze remains hot on his 'brother' even as he goes to sit at the seat opposite to Koji's. "So then, what have you been doing, all this time?"

Koji Kabuto makes a face.

When Tetsuya sits on the opposite side of his table, Koji takes a moment to stick his hand into his front pants pocket. There is rumple of paper and then at last, he produces a length of paper envelope that looks rather crinkled.

The envelope is slid across the table. On the front it is listed as being from Koji while he was aboard the Hiryu Custom. It has been marred with several RETURN TO SENDER stamps, which might be due to the way it's been addressed,

TSURUGI TETSUYA WHERE EVER THE HELL ACROSS THE MOUNTAIN HE LIVES PROBABLY SOME DUMB TRAILER DOWN BY THE RIVER JAPAN

If Tetsuya bothers to open it up and read the contents inside, he'll find a letter and a picture inside.

DEAR TETSUYA, I AM ALIVE AND I'VE ENLISTED IN THE EFA. SHIRO IS FINE AND SAYS HELLO. KOJI

Then there is a picture of Koji with a big dumb grin standing at the foot of a GM Custom flipping the peace-sign. It would seem Koji Kabuto has a strange way of being rebellious and grim.

"I'm a test pilot now," Koji explains in between nibbles of his tunafish sandwich. "It is a fine job for a student."

Damnit Koji, this is the third time you've made Tetsuya twitch in the last /ten minutes./ And people wonder why he looks older than he actually is. /THIS/ is why. Being Koji Kabuto's adopted brother is stressful as hell! Or maybe it's just Tetsuya. Again.

"...I see," he manages, damn near thundering in that familiar 'WHAT THE HELL MAN' tone of voice he so favors, "I'm glad that Shiro is okay. But you have a job. You're Mazinger Z's pilot, you know- until recently, it's been sitting, waiting for you to come back to it. We've rented it to 3-G, but it isn't quite complete without its master. Why didn't you come back?" 'We've rented it to 3-G.'

Koji Kabuto stares long and hard at Tetsuya Tsurugi. So intent is this stare that he has not even realized that the straw hanging from his lips now dangles free of the milk carton that it once drew chocolate milk from. Those eyes shrink to the size of beads while they are locked onto Tetsuya Tsurugi and it is at this moment he should realize he now is within the calm before the storm.

...3... ..2.. ..1.

..and then those eyes just about shoot wide out and by god, are consumed by the flames of dread Tartaros itself!

"NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANI!?!?!" Koji Kabuto bellows at the top of his lungs, furious and scandalized at the same time. The strength of his anger echoes his cry across every inch of the school..

...the island of Japan..

...and the rest of planet Earth...!

And when we cut right back to the cafeteria of Jindai High School, we'll find Koji Kabuto standing atop the table and trying to grab Tetsuya by the lapels of his shirt.

"NANI O SHITE KURETA NDA!?!?!!?!" What have you done he hollars at his elder.

Koji shakes Tetsuya hard, "ANATA WA NANI NI KENRI O ATAERUUUU!!?!?!"

What gives you the right!

Somewhere, a woman in red peeks out of a door she shouldn't have been behind and returns to her all-too-important job of lazing around in a rich man's house.

Back at Jindai, Tsurugi Tetsuya suddenly finds himself making /very/ good use of his physical conditioning- it isn't very easy to lift Tetsuya up, largely because most of his body mass and musculature is pulling /downward/ with force that could make Herakles himself jealous!

And, finally, he has an excuse to let that rage, that bile, that VITRIOL burning at his heart loose.

Tetsuya's eyes narrow to terrifying focus. He rises of his own volition, standing stalwartly before his brother's words. His face is perfectly still, statue-like, almost as if someone had filled it full of botox and left it to sit in the sun for a few days.

"What gives me the right?" Tetsuya growls, his voice echoing like thunder through the halls of Jindai Highschool, "What gives me the RIGHT!? What gives YOU the right? You were gone, we thought you were /DEAD/ and in the middle of an alien invasion, at that! What were we going to do, just let one of Earth's greatest assets lie sleeping because its pilot was too busy prancing about in some sort of mass produced piece of junk to do the job in the machine his grandfather /DIED/ to protect!?"

"How dare YOU," he spits, "How dare you. Putting the world at risk because of some... Some /PERSONAL/ issues. You could have sent an email, or called us at the Fortress or the Labs once we had rebuilt them. You could have COME BACK, but you didn't." "In the face of the greatest threat man has ever seen, you /hid/ away in the bosom of a GM while Mazinger Z sat useless in a hangar."

"So, Koji. How dare I? Because /SOMEBODY/ has to do it, and if it's not you, then it may as well be Gutsy Galaxy Guard."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Koji Kabuto shouts as he swings his fist for Tetsuya's face. Perhaps it is only appropriate while standing in a cafeteria to get a taste of his knuckle-sandwich. I think you need to start eating dinner through a straw, 'oniichan'!

Of course, Koji isn't going to let one swing satisfy him. He dives after Tetsuya with all the fury of a demon, just battering the older boy with his hands. They may not be the Super-Alloy Z of Mazinger but they might as well feel like them as a strength erupts from him that belies his skinnier stature.

And of course, along with the punching comes the shouting.

"MAZINGA IS NO ASSET!!" the Knight howls, "NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND ITS POWER... YOU SPIT ON OJISAN'S GRAVE WITH WHAT YOU'VE DONE YOU ASSHOLE!! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND!!"

The punch impacts with all the fury of a thundercrack. Tetsuya manages to turn his head to block the Knight's fist with his forehead. It's like trying to punch a brick wall. But is a brick wall anything at all compared to the might of KOJI KABUTO, THE DEMON OF JINDAI!?

Clearly, because Tetsuya hasn't hit the floor. Koji has just opened a can. A can called whoop-ass, and it's exploding all over this damn cafeteria.

"WHO THE HELL IS SPITTING ON THAT MAN'S GRAVE!? MAZINGER WAS MADE TO BE USED," Tetsuya explodes, trading blow after blow. Each strike, each punch, each knee to the chest- each of them carries his rage, his anger, and ALL OF HIS SORROW! "IT WAS MADE TO DEFEND OUR PLANET. WHAT WAS I TO DO BUT ALLOW THEM TO USE IT!?

The school is probably busy evacuating the cafeteria while searching frantically for the police on speed dial. They probably wouldn't get there in time.

"I UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT MAZINGER IS CAPABLE OF," his elbow blocks one of Koji's punches, but bruises begin to appear beneath that blue sweater. Even so, Tetsuya endures, "I'VE SEEN IT WITH MY OWN TWO EYES, FELT IT WITH IN BURNING IN MY HEART! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DOESN'T GET IT!" Tetsuya yells, his fist rising in a mighty arc to collide with Koji's chin, "WE ARE MAZINGER PILOTS! WE ARE HUMANITY'S FORTRESSES OF STEEL!"

"IF I SPIT ON GRANDFATHER'S GRAVE BY LETTING SOMEONE ELSE USE MAZINGER TO SAVE THE WORLD, THEN YOU'VE DUG UP HIS CORPSE AND LEFT IT FOR THE CROWS FOR FORGETTING WHY HE MADE IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

Tetsuya's fist cracks against Koji's chin. Just by virtue of being stronger, it's enough to send him veering off to the left. He hunches over slightly, cupping his hand against his mouth. "No..." his entire body trembles. "..it-it is our choice and no one else's. We have the right to decide for ourselves, the gods have no place in the affairs of mortal men.."

Of course, this is all very well ruined by Tetsuya talking about Grandpa Kabuto, which Koji will never abide by. Ever. Koji slowly turns back to Tetsuya, blood streaking from the corner of his mouth and staining his hand. "YOU SHUT UP! SHUT UP TSURUGI TETSUYA!" he bleats with fire and fury, "KISAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he lunges after Tetsuya, hands clasped together into an axe-handle he can swing right for his elder's fool head.

"Gods?" Tetsuya grunts. "We pilot machines that can be gods or devils. But that doesn't change the fact that we pilot them. We're in control, not them! But we can work alongside them, we can-"

And the attack comes. But Koji is the type to yell and announce his blow before getting anywhere near to punching someone. Tetsuya grunts, rushing into Koji's stance, his shoulder rising to take the brunt of the haymaker. It'll sting in the morning, but it gives him the opportunity to grab at the smaller man's arm for a swift Ippon Soyonage- a one-armed shoulder throw! "We are our machines. WE CAN BE GOD OR DEVIL. GOOD OR EVIL! BUT THAT IS /OUR/ CHOICE!" Tetsuya's voice erupts as he swings, "YOU USED TO UNDERSTAND THAT! HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN SO EASILY!?"

Koji hits the ground, letting out a wheeze as the force just slams the air out of his lungs. "MANKIND DOES NOT NEED GODS, KISAMAAAA!! IT NEEDS FREE MEN!!"

Being on the floor beside Tetsuya, Koji opts for the most immediate thing he can do to bring pain to his oniichan's world. He thrusts his foot right up to kick him in the dick.

"YOU COPYCAT, YOU CAN'T SEE ANYTHING BEYOND WHAT IS IN FRONT OF YOUR NOSE!!" Koji shouts from the ground, "AND NEITHER CAN THOSE BAKA GALAXY GUARD! MAZINGA BELONGS TO ME ... AND ME ALONE! NOT IN THE HANDS OF THOSE... THOSE NERDS!!"

Boss has arrived.

Koji, you bastard! Aiming for a man's most sensitive bits! Tetsuya's world seems to slow as that foot rises, and rises, and rises. and his arm goes down, down, down to stop it, but it only barely makes it, and he feels the impact, though reduced, slam into his -THUNDER BREAK-

"Gh-" he coughs, stars swimming across his field of vision for a brief moment as he mourns the loss of numbers 4102512 through 4103893. "You-"

And then Koji calls him a /COPYCAT./

Bitch, this shit is ON.

"YOU INCONSIDERATE BASTARD," Tetsuya is red in the face. He falls onto the smaller pilot, fists slamming into his chest. A right hook, then a left thunder towards Koji's face before he pounces to pull him into a devastating head-lock! "YOU THINK I DON'T GET WHAT'S GOING ON! MY LIFE WAS SAVED BECAUSE OF THE POWER OF THOSE GODS! THAT... THING! WHATEVER IT IS INSIDE GREAT MAZINGER- IT GAVE ME THE CHANCE TO KEEP FIGHTING!"

"AND SO I'LL FIGHT! WHO THE HELL IS A COPYCAT!? YOU DON'T SEE ME CURLING UP AND RUNNING AWAY FROM THE WORLD BECAUSE I'M TOO AFRAID TO DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE, DO YOU, KABUTO!?"

Theme music can be heard outside the lunchroom. It is slightly muffled, but still loud enough to be heard. The lunch room doors open with a sound of someone making door opening noises. It's Boss, in his black leather jacket and his two cohorts, also in black leather jackets.

"HEY! Who are the assholes who are fighting in my lunchroom! No one fights in this school but me!" The cohorts are still beatboxing the River City Ransom music with dedication.

Koji's head rocks back and forth with each swing of Tetsuya's fist. His cheeks are just molten with flush, his nose bopped hard enough to let loose a ravine of lifeblood. The moment Tetsuya has him in a headlock (whoa -- mind the sideburns, copycat!), Koji can feel his face start to swell.

"Fighting is not enough reason to fight...!" Koji wheezes as he struggles with Tetsuya's grip. One hand is clawing at the older boy's wrist, his other hand balled up to thud away at Tetsuya's back. "The will to fight is not enough reason to save any of us..! We must fight because we believe there is something worth saving... not because we have a power we can exercise whenever! You try to walk the path... but you, Tsurugi Tetsuya... YOU ARE THE MONSTER! YOU ARE THE BULLY WHO FIGHTS BECAUSE HE CAN! I..."

Koji looks up, his eyes alight. He takes hold of Tetsuya by the hips and plants his legs in a wide stance for sturdy balance. His strength wells up within him as he just slams his shoulders against Tetsuya's butt and uses it to lift him -UP- into the air..

"WATASHI WA KABUTO KOJI!!!!!"

I am Koji Kabuto!

Koji twirls Tetsuya around, treating him like some kind of poorly-sideburned airplane prop. Twirling and twirling and twirling.. until he comes to a stop right in front of Boss! Watch out, Boss! Koji has gone mad!

"TOOOOOOOOOOOO WATASHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OTOKODESUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"

AND I AM A MAN!!!

All of a sudden, several feet away in the kitchen, the sheer magnitude of this proclamation causes the lids on several massive pots to suddenly explode into the air followed by a great blast of its contents -- chili is EVERYWHERE. HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" Koji screams as he charges after Boss, trying to hurl Tetsuya right at him.

Suddenly the world is spinning! Suddenly, his back is hurting! Suddenly, food is exploding everywhere forever! For a brief, fleeting moment, Tetsuya wonders in horror if this is what being pregnant feels like. Crimson welts appear beneath his sweater all across his back as Koji declares to his entire school and Boss's thugs that YES, KOJI KABUTO IS A MAN!

But Tetsuya is still conscious. This whirlwind dance of manhood hasn't yet caused Tsurugi Tetsuya to lose his lunch! His legs twist and contort to wrap like a vice around Koji's ribcage, so when he goes flying, like the great hammer of Thor himself, he carries Koji RIGHT ALONG WITH HIM! This would inevitably end with a Tetsuya sandwich, but Boss provides a soft landing, and that's all that he can hope for right now.

He lands with a stern 'OOF,' and he quietly but firmly places a hand on Boss' shoulder for his services.

"/I'M/ THE MONSTER!?" He yells, rising like the flag of an angry god from the snowy white peak that is Boss' girth! "THE ONLY THING I HAVE EVER BEEN IS A SOLDIER, PROTECTING HUMANITY FROM EVERYTHING THAT MIGHT TRY TO DESTROY IT!" The 'copycat' roars, turning to stand against his younger brother. Two steel fortresses, covered in chili, one lunchroom!

"So you're saying-" he drops, elbow first to Koji's midsection, "That it's better to allow ourselves to be CONQUERED!? TO LET HUMANITY FALL!? Just because you 'don't have anything' to protect!? YOU HAVE SAYAKA! YOU HAVE SHIRO! I have father. I have /YOU!/ My naive, thick-headed lout of a YOUNGER BROTHER!"

"I keep fighting because I'm ALIVE! But I fight because I have people to PROTECT! I don't care if it's selfish, I don't care if it's wrong or shallow or NARROW MINDED! The only thing I can fight for--"

"--Is so the people I care for-" A fierce, demonic headbutt!

"-The home that I've found-" A devastating, divine knee to the chest!

"-SO THAT THEY AND THIS WORLD CAN HAVE A /FUTURE!/ That is all that I need to fight! All that I can believe in--" He spins, and with one more explosion of movement, slams the back of his fist right into Koji's face, "IS RIGHT HERE!"

Outside, a detective, his trench coat billowing in the wind steps out of his car. He bites down on his toothpick and adjusts his hat. This is going to be an interesting day.

Boss squints a few times and turns to whispers to Mucha. "What's he saying?"

"Boss, you are japanese, remember?"

Boss considers this, then nods. "Right right."

"HEY YOU TWO! Cut that out! You are going to make all the chili fly out of those pots and if you don't control the manliness, something is going to e-OH GOD!"

In a robot battle, this is where Boss would freak, flail, and accidentally hit a mechabeast which would roll down a hill and hit a gas station, then he would pretend he meant to do that all the time.

Instead of doing that, Boss moves in, moving with Tetsuya and preparing to do a takedown on one or the other.

All the light fixtures begin to EXPLODE as Tetsuya starts assaulting Koji. One of them falls off the ceiling in a slow motion shower of sparks. And clocks Boss in the head.

He topples forward like a great tree and falls to the ground, making a dent in the floor with his chin.

Koji at least has the saving grace of Boss's wondrously thick physique as a way to buffet him against a concussion. He scrambles to get back to his feet, his limbs already starting to feel like lead weights now. Thankfully, Boss's pillowy body at least is a good place to get some manner of softness to squish against before uprooting oneself.

"Blarf!" he, well, blarfs when Tetsuya's elbow slams into his stomach. In the great dictionary of words wherein things are described, blarf is somewhere between an 'ow,' an 'oof,' and an 'yow' but belongs to neither exclusively. It is simply blarf and such a reaction ought to be respected for its diverseness.

As Koji doubles over and grips his stomach, Tetsuya is shouting back at him and following it up with his thick-ass skull and knee. Koji spins around, slightly a-dazed as he tries to make out just what it is Tetsuya is talking about. His head is buzzing and his face is starting to bruise up quite awfuly.

"I KNEW IT!!!" Koji shoots back, "YOU WERE ALWAYS JEALOUS!!!!"

And then all of a sudden, time slows the hell down when Tetsuya throws that final punch. Seconds become minutes, minutes into hours with this intense slow-motion edge-of-your-seat anticipatory moment. Koji's eyes center in on that fist..

..He breathes..

...and he holds out his hand...

...to catch Tetsuya's fist...

Time resumes and windows lining the cafeteria shatter one after the other. Even the cokebottle glasses on that one dorky girl with braces who you know is going to end up as a slammin' hottie by the time she finishes college has her lenses crack and so do a dozen bottles of Ramune soda that some of the other kids brought with them for lunch.

"THIS POWER IS MEANT ONLY FOR THAT WHICH IS BEYOND THE DARKNESS IN MAN'S SOUL... FOR THE EVILS MAN CAUSES ANOTHER MAN IT IS WRONG! ONLY MANKIND ALONE SHOULD DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT IT ISELF IS WORTHY TO BE HALFWAY OUT OF THE DARK!!!"

Koji cocks his fist back to his hip and leans forward with his opposite leg.

"...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTOKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN PUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCH!

And Koji Kabuto leaps, driving his fist into a sailing uppercut for Tetsuya's jaw.

Shoryuken is for bitches.