2010-05-12 - When You've Got the Fear

THE BLANC RIVAL

SOMEWHERE IN SPACE

At roughly 17:00 hours, a small shuttle makes approach to the sprawling White Base-like ship drifting through the darkness. Several minutes pass before its passengers disembark from the shuttle, directed by several on hand non-descript crew. There are very few people; roughly five or six at best, most of them previous crew members on leave.

Among them is, however, one young Sarah Zabiarov.

She is the last to take her leave of the shuttle, exiting quietly with her green eyes on her booted feet. She comes with a purpose, which is evident in the stack of folders she clutches close to her chest. Immediately upon exiting the shuttle, the young lieutenant's eyes shift about, among the available crew to help her.

"Ah, excuse me?" she asks to no one in specific. Everyone seems busy.

"I need to get these...to Captain Goodman...is anyone even listening..?"

Answer: NO

"Probably not," comes a quiet, effeminate, welcoming voice. It manifests the kind of pleasant timbre that one would expect from a personal computer, just with the human dimension that keeps it from being insincere. The voice belongs to the beautiful genderless creature known as Revive Revival. He (is it a he?) smiles broadly as he walks toward Sarah Zabiarov, hands tucked into the pockets of his coat. Newtype senses provide some indication of his general 'aura,' so to speak -- it's smooth and reflective, like polished chrome.

"Lieutenant... Zabiarov, is it?" Revive says, lifting his hands from their hiding places and motioning for her to hand over the folders. It's an insistent gesture, but not an overbearing one; he might as well be asking her to pass him the salt and pepper. He's so non-threatening it's almost bizarre to imagine him as part of this modern military force. But, there he is, and he makes the uniform look glorious.

"Squad leader of Minerva's Lance." Revive scoops the folders away and takes up Sarah's hand in the process, clutching them all with one arm and using his free hand to lift hers. "Revive Revival. GNZ Team. Enchante." And he kisses her hand.

No one stops working to notice the display, which suggests that his bizarre behavior is probably commonplace on the Blanc Rival.

A voice breaks the anticipated silence.

Surprised to actually garner a response from someone, Sarah's green gaze shifts almost instantly over a shoulder. There, approaching her, is a rather confusing individual; while certainly handsome, his grace, poise and delicate voice instantly confuse the young woman. A brow arcs slightly, thin lips pulling together on her pale face as she studies his features.

...and then realizes she's thinking too hard about this man's(?) gender.

Blushing faintly, the young woman shakes her head gently before offering a timid smile.

"Y-yes sir, that's me" she replies, albeit hesitantly (because is it a dude? Seriously?), lifting the folders from her chest and offering them over with both hands. "I apologize, but I do not think I am familiar with you, sir." He remedies the situation easily enough by taking her hand and kissing it.

The girl's face turns beet red instantly.

"T-the pleasure is mine, s-sir. It's nice to finally meet the captain of the GNZ squad. I have heard you are all exceptionally talented pilots."

Revive Revival grins, clearly amused by the redness of Sarah's face. When she compliments his squad, he rocks back on his heels slightly, a gesture carefully adjusted for the lower gravity of the spaceship. He also winks. "The best," he comments casually, as if it were undeniably true.

Looking down at the paperwork after his moment of smug self-satisfaction, Revive purses his lips, red eyes slowly rolling upward from the boring work to the marginally less boring protege of Paptimus Scirocco. Hidden away behind the 'Cyber-Newtype' veneer of his mind, off in his own private space, he's thinking about how Scirocco's hair would react if he pushed Sarah's head into his office shredder.

Granted, it would take a lot of spatial modification to make her head even fit to start with.

"I'll see that these get to Goodman, Lieutenant. But you can't have come all this way just for /that/, when you could have sent... Amada, or Asuka, or Ayanami, or... wow, there are a lot of 'A's on your team, aren't there? Hm. Funny how that sort of thing works. But I'm losing track -- you said you weren't familiar with me." Revive speaks at length, but not quickly -- he takes time with his words, each one carefully lifting from his tongue in that strange, peaceful voice. "Let's us fix that."

The best, Revive Revival states.

Part of the young Scirocco adjunct thinks there's some truth to his words. But now isn't the time to get down on her talents and skills, Zabiarov privately reminds herself. She came here with purpose: for business. Work. Her job.

Meanwhile, as Captain Revival thinks of how to make a bloody mess of the young woman in his private thoughts, Sarah distantly wonders if this is really the man who took over Captain Stenbuck's squadron when 'things' happened. The faintest of frowns tugs at Sarah's lips before she lifts her chin.

"Thank you, sir," the young lieutenant addresses. "I appreciate your generocity." But her train of thought slightly skews when he calls her out on a half-truth she was only dimly aware of. Blinking twice before she turns a faint shade of pink in her face, Sarah's green eyes immediately shift elsewhere.

Distantly, however, the young woman realizes she /did/ have some kind of purpose. Sure, she COULD have sent Ayanami, Asuka or Amada--that is a lot of A's--but...

"Well," the young woman begins, "Yes. I had reason to run the errand myself."

She's like a book.

"You...are familiar with Captain Stenbuck, yes?"

As Sarah speaks, Revive motions for her to walk with him. He doesn't really stride and he doesn't really strut but there are elements of both. He prowls, almost. A fresh-faced young ensign is stopped by a grab on the shoulder.

"Ensign Dougal," Revive says, quietly (but not so quietly that Sarah can't hear it), "These urgent documents need to find their way to the very /top/ of Captain Goodman's to-do list. I think you can make that happen -- am I correct?"

Revive offers the documents, and the young woman takes them. "Yes, Captain," she responds chipperly.

Revive claps her on the shoulder again. "There's a girl." He smiles and sends her on her way, and turns his attention back toward Sarah, having done all that while she was speaking to him.

"Leo? Oh, yes, of course," Revive says. He has the bemused smile of 'oh, you know him too?' "We're practically buddies, the stuff we've been through together. What about him?"

When motioned toward, the young woman moves without question or hesitation, her booted step picking up as he struts along. She keeps a few steps behind like a good lower-ranking soldier, though behind just behind the mysterious lavender-haired youth affords her a glance at his poise and posture. It's uncanny; even Sarah notes the confidence.

It /almost/ reminds her of /him/.

Her thoughts scatter when the Ensign is snared and spoken to, Sarah's green eyes shifting from the red-eyed Cyber-Newtype to the young woman. His tone, his insistence; he's a flattering man. But her cautious nature doesn't let her so easily trust in him.

When he regards her about her former comrade, Sarah's expression falters only slight. It's tell-tale enough to a sharp-eyed man like Revive. His words almost strike a painful note in her, the way her lips faintly twist at the corners in just the right way, the way Sarah's eyes immediately falter and fall aside.

"I was...curious," she notes. "I haven't spoken to him for a while. I heard some...things have been going on, but it's..." Shaking her head, the young lieutenant offers a nervous laugh and a dismissive smile. "I-it's nothing, really. I'm sure it's not my business. We're in separate squads now...so...

"A-ah, b-but this isn't about him. How have things been for you and your squad, sir?"

Revive watches Sarah's face carefully, while putting an equal amount of care into making it look like he's not watching her carefully at all. His smile maintains itself throughout. "Oh, we're fine," he says, turning and continuing to walk. He folds his hands behind his back, and occasionally glances over to ensure Sarah's still following -- or maybe just to link eyes with her and inform her subtly that she's important enough to merit the occasional glance.

"But this isn't about the GNZ Team. Really, Sarah. Was I born yesterday?" Revive turns further, to let her see that he's grinning. "My office is right over here. Come, let's sit and talk about Leo."

Revive's office is indeed right around the corner, and the door whisks open. There are a few EFA Hangar Hoops Association trophies and various memorabilia related to space travel, touches designed to make the place seem like a human being lives there. Or at least a Cyber-Newtype. But the office is bigger than Sarah's, and nicer than Sarah's, and halfway to Paptimus himself's.

Revive doesn't walk to his desk -- instead, he takes a seat in one of the chairs surrounding a small meeting table, and turns it to face the couch. (It really is a nice office.) Gesturing toward the most comfortable and roomy seat in the house, Revive smiles, and says, "A bit cramped in here, I know, but I hope you'll forgive me for the sins of my workplace. I had to insist they not give me anything /too/ ostentatious." Revive grins. It's not clear whether thatg was entirely a joke or not.

"You're worried about Leo. I can tell that much. So let's talk about that. From what I've heard, you and he used to... work together? So I presume you were..." Revive lets the pause linger, but his smile stays soft, coy. "...close."

"Th-that's good to hear," a young and lightly flustered Lt. Zabiarov responds, forcing as genuine a smile as she can muster. In her thoughts, however, she realizes the man's calm, cool and charismatic air makes her feel almost nervous and uneasy. Before him she feels small and insignificant. And the aura about him is so...weird.

It almost feels as if he's too good to be true. It's intimidating as hell for her.

"U-uh, no," Sarah amends when he 'kindly' chides her. "Y-yes sir," she then notes. She's a good soldier.

Entering the office, the young woman privately notes this is probably more than she anticipated. By leaps and bounds does it surpass her office; it's contrary and human-like. Hers is Spartan and lacking in any dcor. Almost she frowns; a split-second before she does, Sarah catches herself and purses her lips.

"It's a...very nice office, sir," Sarah admits. "It's quite comfortable."

When given a seat, the young Scirocco adjunct takes it, nestling into the chair before she folds her hands atop her lap. Just as she finds herself less apprehensive he mentions Leo again--and her concern. Flinching lightly, the girl's gaze shifts awkwardly elsewhere.

"We were comrades, yes," she confesses. "Close..? I suppose. He was--" Key word. "--my best friend. My only friend. But his behaviors lately...he's just...not the same, I guess. It seems...self-destructive."

Pausing, Sarah looks to her hands.

"I presume something happened...and that's why he was relieved for a time of his command over /his/ squad. But...it's really not my business now..." Nervously, Sarah's gloved fingers twitch and flitter about her palms. "I just thought someone--you--may have more insight. I just don't feel...comfortable asking him about this. I want to know what's going on..."

Looking up--looking borderline desperate--the girl asks,

"Do you know, Captain?"

From his own seat, Revive crosses his legs, leaning just a bit forward. His body language is like that of a girlfriend, not a superior officer -- one hand rests over the other, atop his knee. His chin lifts and his eyebrow raises as Sarah speaks. Clearly, her words are of great interest to him.

"Sarah, right now, in this conversation, I'm not 'Captain,'" he says, in a quiet, soothing voice. "I'm Revive. I'm another friend of Leo's who's in the same position you are."

Revive looks away for a moment. "Granted, I don't think Leo considers me much of a friend, all things taken into account." There's a quiet laugh, but it's not cheerful. It's a bit morbid, in fact. "But... you know, I've stayed up late far too many nights thinking about what's going on with that young man. I figure I must know a bit, and you must know a bit, and between us, maybe we can get a clearer picture."

Revive leans back without taking his hands off of his knee. "I know he went off his medication at some point," Revive says, thoughtfully. "Perhaps that's when the delusions about his girlfriend being dead started. Or, well, ex-girlfriend. He's going out with... Louise Halevy, now, I think. One of his squad members. Which is troubling to me because I relieved him of his command after he physically struck her for talking back to him."

Revive's face darkens into a gloomy frown. Clearly, he doesn't like talking about that sort of thing. "Has... I don't mean to pry, but is this... in line with the Leo you know?"

A friend of Leo's.

For some reason, the words do not quite draw the comfort that it would for most people. If anything, it only makes the young lieutenant feel less important to her only (former?) friend. That day...maybe she shouldn't have spurned him..?

But that would be lying to herself--and her feelings for /him/. In her heart, he's the one--

"Yes, sir," the young woman instinctively response. "My apologies. It seems strange to me to speak so formally to a commanding officer." That she is not familiar with, she privately amends. When he speaks further about Leo and his 'friendship' with the other Captain, Sarah remains the ever-captive audience; his experiences, his knowledge--it is insight to the young man she remains so confused and frustrated by.

"I wish I could offer you more insight sir--er, Revive. But I haven't spoken directly with Captain Stenbuck in...a while. The last time was when I was hospitalized in Green Noa." Flinching discreetly--and subconsciously--the girl quickly continues, "I'm not sure why--"

Then, like a shot to the gut, Revive elaborates. He's dating Halvey..?

And he /hit/ her..?

The color in Sarah's face runs dry, her skin suddenly feeling cold and clammy, like the touch of Death itself. Unbeknownst to her, her eyes seem very distant and sad, brows lifting over her green eyes as they discreetly widen. He hit her..?

He's dating her..?

Wasn't he dating Rei..? But he asked /her/ to love him. He tried to /kiss her/. Who is Ada..?

Just barely does Sarah hear Revive over the pounding of her heart in her ears. "A-ah, sorry," she notes, offering a sad but sheepish smile. "In line..?"

He sounds like a monster. A wretch. An abusive /freak/. It's those pills, it's--

"N-no, not at all."

Revive Revival exhales. It's an exaggerated, theatrical breath, the kind that someone does when it's inappropriate to sigh but they really, really want to. Revive doesn't quite meet Sarah's gaze, looking down at his foot as it bobs gently, tapping out an inaudible beat. "Well, that's... good, I suppose, but certainly makes things a fair bit more confusing."

Revive looks up and into Sarah's eyes. He seems so sympathetic. He has this sad look but it's the pretty kind of sad like in a magazine or a movie. "I mean, it's not just that." Of course it's not. Revive is enough of a professional to suppress his glee. But he does indulge some of his more theatrical impulses.

"It's... well, what /isn't/ it? His psychotic episodes during combat. His inability to keep track of his troops -- first the death of the Triald girl, now the disappearance of Lieutenant Peries... meanwhile, he seems to put more priority on running errands for NERV as a mercenary. And... and the rumors that keep going around. How he struck a member of my team, as well. How he..."

Revive swallows, as if a bitter taste had filled his mouth.

".../used/ his Cyber-Newtype adjunct in... ways that would be unbecoming even if I were sure she understood them." Revive Revival -- who is totally a Cyber-Newtype -- looks away and lets out a sigh, now, a real one.

"Everyone tells me something different. Everyone seems to know a different Leo Stenbuck. Sometimes I wonder if he's crazy, or if I am, trying to make sense of all this." Revive meets Sarah's gaze again. "I know there's a good man in there, somewhere, but I'm not sure if /he/ knows it."

Psychotic episodes.

Inability to keep track of his colleagues.

His...behavior with women...

Each flaw only feels like a knife twisting in Sarah's heart. While she told him--and herself--that she cannot love him, part of her cannot deny that she has /feelings/ of some sort, however conflicting they are. And all of his destructive behaviors only make it harder to deal with the Leo that is slowly becoming some...

Monster.

Sarah flinches at the word...but it seems apt.

Revive's sympathies, however, seem accepted by the young Scirocco adjunct; exhaling discreetly, she offers a tired smile to the beautifully sadden 'man' before her.

But when he implies...something...Sarah's heart sinks.

"What..? What do you...mean?"

It's like slowly opening Pandora's box for the girl. She's curious, but she knows that nothing good is in there. Something bad will happen, but...she can't go on in confusion and continue fumbling through the haze. Sarah needs to know--her desperation is evident in her slightly widened green eyes.

"There's someone good in there, but..." Sarah looks away briefly.

Revive nods along to Sarah's comments. His face is a serious one, and that's just as pretty as all the others. He looks like he belongs on a runway or in some kind of cosmetics advertisement. But here he is, sympathizing with Sarah's pain.

"I mean..." Revive looks over at his desk for a moment. He doesn't try to force eye contact with Sarah. "There's obviously someone good in there. There must be, if great men are taking an interest in him." Revive's lips curl into a small, knowing smile. Obviously, he's talking about Sarah's Master.

Obviously.

"But... the most I can figure..." Revive lifts a hand and strokes his chin carefully. His eyelids close slightly. He's in deep thought. Obviously. "I think it's something like a path. Some of us..." Revive idly gestures between Sarah and himself, "...some of us can see our goal at the end, and walk toward it. But some people are caught up by all of the distractions to either side. Sex. Power. Violence. Abuse. All of those things that can consume a person. And I'm not sure if Leo is too young to realize that he's getting lost..."

Revive looks at the floor for a second, then back up, toward Sarah. "...or if he just doesn't care."

Slowly but surely, Sarah begins to find herself a little more at ease with this strange, androgynous figure. He's so handsome and beautiful, his voice sincere and his expressions genuine. He seems to understand her and truly care about their shared problem--Leo Stenbuck. He can't be lying, right..? Surely he means it? After all, he seems entirely truthful with her.

"It's true. ..but I have to wonder if even they see this..." Sarah wonders with a notable frown. "Surely the likes of Admiral Scirocco or...the others... surely they cannot accept his behavior? I-Isn't that why...you had to relieve him of his t-team..?"

It feels so wrong to be talking like this behind Leo's back, Sarah thinks.

However, when Revive dissects the young Captain's personality further, she truly begins to wonder. Is Leo becoming twisted and corrupt? Has his authority in A-LAWS gotten to his head? Is he really becoming the monster she's afraid he is becoming?

"I..." IS he lost and doesn't care..?

Flinching, the girl draws her eyes shut as she quietly states, "I hope not. But...there's nothing I can do if he's like this...because..." She bites her lip lightly.

"I am afraid of him."

"Yes, well..." Revive rubs the bridge of his nose. He watches Sarah's face -- the way her eyes close, the way she chews her lip so gently. His own lips rise into something like a sneer of weariness. "...that may be the first sane response to Leo Stenbuck I've heard in all this time."

An awkward silence ensues, Revive Revival apparently taking no relish in having said that.

"Still," Revive says, after that lapse into conversational nothingness, "it's not my place to criticize how Admiral Scirocco -- or anyone else higher on the chain -- chooses to handle... or not handle it. Perhaps they're willing to let Leo give himself enough rope, as the saying goes. I don't know." Revive sounds so serious. But then, why wouldn't a Cyber-Newtype? What kind of Cyber-Newtype /would/ be able to question their superiors?

"I just hope Louise knows what she's doing," Revive says, after another, much shorter pause. "Frankly, she's in the most danger in this situation."

The first sane response..?

Frowning, the young woman looks aside. When Revive continues speaking, Sarah's gaze remains fixed on the floor adjacent to her. Maybe he's right, thinks the young lieutenant. Maybe they are all just giving him his own rope..? Maybe that's what he needs..? After all, he did hate being considered a kid, but...

Looking up when Louise is mentioned, the girl suppresses a faint frown. She cannot deny there's some sense of jealousy lingering in the back of her throat, a knot that stubbornly won't leave. "Has anyone told her that..? Does she even realize..?"

Then again, maybe it's her OWN fault? If Leo hit her, well...

Maybe she deserves what ultimately happens..?

Revive crosses his arms, sitting back for a moment and looking at the ceiling. "I'm looking out for her," Revive says. He doesn't sound very macho, even though it's a very macho thing to say. Instead, he sounds like... like a mother, looking out for their child. There's a warmth to the finality of his statement that speaks of a true closeness, a bond.

Meanwhile, Revive Revival is all 'yeah, right' about that.

Outwardly, though, Revive reaches out to take Sarah's hand again and give it a squeeze. "For what it's worth, though, I'm sorry. I can't... make him change. He has to find that in himself. But..." Revive's grip loosens.

He paints his thoughts the color of despair.

When confronted with Sarah Zabiarov's torment, Revive Revival reminds himself of the fact that the Chinese have the same word for 'crisis' and 'opportunity.'

And Revive uses this crisitunity to try and convey that the situation might be hopeless.

For a brief second, Sarah finds herself mildly disgusted that this man would help her.

Is she even /worth/ helping, if she's dumb enough to stay by someone who would hit her..?

Shaking the thought off, the young woman privately reminds herself that is an improper way to be thinking. She couldn't have expected Leo /not/ to move on--especially not after losing Rei so terribly, and then being spurned by Sarah. But she lost a friend, didn't she..?

He's not the man she once knew. Not anymore...

When her hand is taken and given a reassuring squeeze, Sarah looks up and meets the young Cyber-Newtype in the red eyes. His words are genuine and sincere to her young ears, but his tone...the execution...it all sounds so grim. Hopeless. Futile.

"Y...yes," she weakly replies.

"This is...up to him. He has to help...himself. No one can help Leo but himself," Sarah tries to convince herself. Is that even true? Isn't there some way that they can all help bring him back from that destructive edge he's teetering upon?

With distantly watery eyes, Sarah offers the Captain a sad smile.

"Thank you...Revive. It has been...refreshing to talk to someone who knows and cares." If only she knew how wrong she was. "You have been nothing but accommodating. I sincerely appreciate your time, sir. Thank...thank you."

To show her deep gratitude, the girl bows her head deeply. It gives her a moment to let small tears hit her lap, hidden behind a veil of pink bangs.

A moment later the girl stands and offers the lavender-haired youth a salute.

"I have taken up too much of your time. I should take my leave, sir. I have to return to the Minerva in a few hours for training exercises. So..." Shrugging weakly, she offers a distant smile. "I will let you get back to your duties sir."

And with that the girl takes her leave, lest she be stopped.

When Sarah stands, Revive stands too. He returns the salute. "Lieutenant Zabiarov," he says, still maintaining that concerned, genuine (oh, /really/ now, cousin merle) tone: "Take care of yourself. Consider it an order."

With that, Revive lets the young woman go. He looks around his office and, when the door is shut and he's confident no one is around, he flops onto his luxurious little sofa and has a long, private laugh.