2010-04-05 - A Hypothetical Question

While leaves from duty are excellent for relaxation, they do make it difficult to try to talk to someone. Soma has waited patiently for Leo to return to the Shirogane, even though she wanted to track him down days ago. Now that he's back, however, nothing will stop Soma from asking her important question.

And so today brings the Super Soldier to Leo's quarters once again. She's in her uniform, but the outer greatcoat was left in her own room. She's off duty now, after all. "Captain, are you in?" A solid knock is given to the door. Hopefully he won't be asleep this time.

Leo Stenbuck is, in fact, in. He sits at his desk, shirtless for some Godforsaken reason, typing at his computer, the monitor of which is displaying various windows from a suite of MS design tools.

The Shirogane's current position in Earth atmosphere high over China means that even outside of the gravity block, his room ('s soul) is dragged down by gravity; his Haro is taking advantage of this to bounce up and down on his bed, flapping with delight.

Leo's head swings around to face the door when Soma knocks and calls into the room. He pauses briefly to wonder if he should put on a shirt, glances at the tank top lying on the floor by his bed, decides that's way too far to be bothered, and calls, "Come in."

While a shirtless Leo might cause some women pause, Soma just gives him a brief glance as she steps in. He's off duty in his own quarters. He technically could have been naked and she wouldn't have said anything, except maybe asking if he was cold. "Captain." She brings her hand up for a salute, but doesn't hold it for too long. Since they're both off duty, it's merely a formality to be followed. "I have something I would like to ask you." Amber eyes are drawn briefly to the bouncing Haro. She really doesn't know what some people see in those things. Sure, they're great at interfacing with MS computers, but Soma prefers to do that sort of thing on her own, without the annoying chanting and bouncing.

It's a little off-putting; only an hour or so ago, Leo was talking to Excellen Browning, who he's fairly certain can count on one hand the number of times she has actually saluted someone, and now he's presented with Soma, who... can probably count on one hand the number of times she /hasn't./

"You can just call me Leo, you know," the young man points out to Soma, turning his chair to face her and crossing his arms over his chest.

He doesn't expect she'll take him up on the offer, but he makes it anyways; one of the few gestures he can make towards humanizing Cyber-Newtypes, towards trying to make them realize they deserve a life outside of military service.

Besides, the GNX Team is supposed to be 'family', aren't they?

"You can sit, if you want," he offers, gesturing towards his bed. Obligingly, the Haro stops bouncing, bounding onto the floor and rolling away to crash into a pile of dirty clothes in the corner of Leo's room. "Either way, I'm all ears. What's up?"

It wouldn't even take the whole hand to count that high. It's an ingrained reflex for her.

Soma is silent for a moment. Her gaze returns to Leo, and she works over that sentence in her head. It was an offer, not an order. "Of course, Captain." Hope he didn't get his hopes too high there. Despite her lack of social graces, though, Soma actually is one of the more human cyber-newtypes... she's just extremely disciplined. Maybe if her few exposures to social life weren't forced upon her by the captain and crew of the Nadesico. she'd have loosened up a bit more by now. Maybe.

The Haro once more is given a glance as it crashes off the bed. Poor thing. "Thank you, Captain." Soma strides over to the bed and sits down, but doesn't say anything for a full minute. Finally, she looks up at Leo and speask in her usual calm voice, with a perfectly straight face.

"Captain, would you ask me to engage in physical relations with you?"

And that, it seems, is what it takes to make Leo Stenbuck uncomfortable.

Having turned his chair to face Soma where she sits on his bed, Leo's expression twists into one of confused shock when she asks her question. He leans back in his chair, and just stares for several long seconds, reaching up to cover his mouth and nose with his hands.

There are a couple ways this conversation could go, he decides after a moment of contemplation, and none of them are anything but terribly awkward.

"Soma," he says eventually, lowering his hands into his lap, where he wrings them nervously. He sounds concerned... and cautious, like he's navigating a minefield, and saying the wrong thing might set off a bomb. "Is this a hypothetical question, or a request?"

Contrary to popular belief, he does not sound terribly enthused by the second option.

Knowing what Leo thought of her question does not require Soma to look at his Quantum brainwaves. She can tell plainly from his expression. Well... she can tell that the question caught him completely off guard, at least.

Awkwardness is relative. Soma doesn't feel awkward at all, though even she knows that the question was somewhat loaded. She just had to be certain. "It is neither, Captain. I want to know if you would order me to do such a thing." She really is bad at getting to the bottom of things like this, but she -had- to find out after what Revive said. And asking directly is the best way to learn. "By your response, I assume that the answer is no."

"Of course it is," Leo says, a little more sharply than he intends to. What the fuck did he do to make so many people think he's a rapist? He forces himself to take a deep breath, and reaches up to rub at his temples in a mixture of irritation and fatigue.

"I know you appreciate forwardness, Soma," Leo says after a few seconds, lowering his hands back into his lap. "So I'll be blunt with you. You're a very pretty girl, and if /you/ wanted to... well," he summarizes, with a weak shrug of his shoulders.

"But you're also a Cyber-Newtype," he continues, frowning. "And I'm pretty sure that if I asked you to do that - or anything - you would say yes, because that's what you were taught to do. Even if you didn't want to."

"I would never, ever take advantage of that, Soma," Leo insists, leaning forwards in his seat. "Because it would be wrong to, and it's wrong that I even have to worry about these things."

"And if anyone ever tries to make you... 'engage in physical relations' with them, I want you to come straight to me, and tell me," Leo insists. "Because I am /not/ going to allow some sick /fuck/ to even /think/ about using you - or any other Cyber-Newtype - like that."

"Okay?"

There is a single nod in reply to that. "It makes me glad to hear you say that, Captain." She's a very pretty girl... Soma knows that's a compliment, and yet her reaction to that is neither shyness nor blush, but rather a questioning look. "I do not ask because I wish to do such a thing."

She presses her lips together lightly but firmly. "No one has asked me to do such a thing, so I am unsure what I would say." He's probably right, but she can't be certain. "I will keep that in mind, Captain. I am glad to hear that you are concerned over my well-being in this case." He does sound serious. Amber eyes search Leo's face for a moment before Soma nods again. "I can tell by your Quantum brainwaves that you are telling the truth." Yes, she can feel them. How much she can feel is hard to tell, but he's definitely a lot easier to read than the average person she passes in the hall.

"I am encouraged to understand that the rumors about Lieutenant Triald were false, then."

Soma responds to his words in about the way Leo expected. A lot of neutral thank yous and reassurances, like listening to someone who's feeling the emotions, but only knows how to express them by describing th- wait, /what?/

"What?" Leo blurts, his brow furrowing in confusion. Rumors about him and- he doesn't- what? WHAT? "What... what /rumors?/ What are you talking about?"

It takes him a few seconds to start putting two and two together. "You don't mean-" he begins; he cuts himself off before he actually finishes the question, because he has a feeling he already knows the answer. Anger flashes across Leo's face, and he leans backwards in his chair, once again crossing his arms over his chest.

"Soma," he begins, after a moment. He does not sound happy. "Where did you hear these rumors about me and Ralla?"

The emotions are definitely there! To be honest, Soma was a little bit worried. She largely believed that the rumors were false, but she had to be absolutely certain. It's good for all involved that she was right.

"There have been rumors about you and Lieutenant Triald, Captain. I will make sure to refute them the next time I hear of them." When the anger comes, Soma can -feel- it, as well as seeing it. Being in such prolonged contact with those who have strong Quantum brainwaves like the GNZ squad, as well as that exposure to GN Tau particles recently, has increased her perception quite a bit. She just isn't sure if Leo is only angry in general about this rumor, or if some of that anger is directed toward her. There is a brief look of surprise in her face, but she quickly covers it over again.

"It would be improper of me to identify where I heard them, Captain. The person who told me is unlikely to be the source, and telling you would unfairly direct your anger toward them." She takes a breath and, after a beat, adds, "You may be angry with me about them if you wish."

Leo grimaces in frustration when Soma expresses reluctance to say where she heard the rumors. On the one hand, he could /probably/ just order her to tell him, and she almost certainly would. But... she doesn't want to. So wouldn't forcing her to be a little hypocritical, after that little speech of his?

Leo's shoulders sag, and he reaches up with his left hand to rub at his eyes again. He hasn't fallen that far.

Not yet.

"Don't be ridiculous," the young man sighs, still rubbing his eyes. "It isn't your fault, and being a martyr doesn't suit you." He recrosses his arms, and continues, "The next time you talk to whoever you heard that rumor from, please correct them."

After a moment, he adds, "And make sure they understand that I will be very upset if I hear people are telling lies about me. Understand?"

It's true, he could order her to tell. Soma would be obligated to do so, then. She's glad he doesn't, though, and not just for her own sake. She meant what she said... telling who she heard the rumor from would only cause a lot more anger and resentment. For now, Soma will keep silent on who she heard this from. "I will be sure to correct them." Soma tilts her head slightly. "I believe your status as a teenaged male may have helped to increase the spread of this rumor." Hormones are easy to explain, after all.

"I understand, Captain." There are two questions that come to Soma's mind. For a moment, they battle inside her head for the right to be asked first. In the end, one of them finally wins out. "Have you spoken to Warrant Officer Halevy lately? I have not yet asked her if the two of you have properly made up."

His status as a teenaged male, huh? Despite himself, Leo cracks a small, tired smile; Soma has a certain way with words that he just can't help but find kind of funny. He briefly considers some form of quip, in response...

... but any desire related to quipping fades when Soma asks about Louise. Leo sighs heavily again, and drops his gaze to the floor. "I don't know," he admits, after a moment. "I apologized, and I thought we had everything settled, but after I got back from the leave I took, she flipped out at me again."

"It's like... she only believes me when I'm actually with her, or something," Leo explains, obviously frustrated. "But she doesn't want to spend any time with me because she's mad at me. Which, you know, okay, I fucked up, I know, but..."

Leo sighs again. "Sorry. It's just a lot to deal with, on top of everything else."

The sigh is more of a no than anything Leo actually says. But at least he seems upset about it. "The circumstances are difficult. I am certain that things will smooth over if you do not give up." Soma considers these aforementioned circumstances for a moment. "The rumors likely do not help. If you wish, I can explain to her that they are false."

Yes, that will go over so well. How do you know they're wrong, Soma? Because I asked him to make me sleep with him and he refused. What could possibly go wrong?

"All of our nerves are worn thin, Captain. I am still under stress in regards to finding the Lieutenant." No, she hasn't given up. She won't give up.

"Yeah," Leo says weakly. He hasn't forgotten about Ralla's disappearance - not really - but he does his best not to think about it, just like he does his best not to think about Rei.

If he buries himself in work, if he surrounds himself with the problems of other people, and of humanity, sometimes it doesn't feel quite so much like there's an impossibly heavy weight crushing his heart and driving the breath out of him.

Sometimes.

"Please do that," he pleads after a few moments of silence. "Talk to Louise, I mean. She'll listen to you. And just... shit, I don't know."

While Soma is better able to control her emotions without forcing herself to bury them beneath work, she can understand the need to not constantly think about Ralla. It hurts her deep inside whenever she does, and that only makes her angry. And that anger is then transferred toward whoever she's fighting, thus giving them a very bad day.

"I will speak to her, Captain. I do not wish to see either of you unhappy." Louise of course has higher priority than Leo, but they are both teammates. Soma leans forward, pressing her hands on her knees, and looks about to stand up.

Then she pauses, levelling her gaze back at Leo. She had another question she wanted to ask, but she isn't wholely sure if it would be appropriate. The indecision is evident in her face for a moment, before she finally takes a breath. "Captain, you described me as 'very pretty.'" The little quotes can almost be heard there. "Was that idle flattery or were you speaking the truth?"

Leo lifts his eyes from the floor when Soma asks her last question. If Leo ever had to compile a list of things he thought Soma Peries would never ask him, that would probably be near the top. She doesn't seem the type to fish for compliments.

But then, he reminds himself, she probably isn't.

Leo has always gotten along well with Cyber_Newtypes - at least in his opinion - and he's been working with them for a long time now, all the way back to Carris Nautilus. But he's always had the occasional difficulty getting into their heads, thinking the way they think.

After a few seconds of peering quizzically at Soma, Leo decides it's best if he just answers the question without thinking too hard about it. "I was telling the truth," he assures the Cyber-Newtype, with another weak smile. "Like it or not, Soma, you're beautiful."

"Though," he admits, after a brief pause, "I do wish you'd smile more."

If Soma just wanted a compliment, she'd have asked about her fighting abilities. She is a Super Soldier first and a woman... probably fifth or so. Maybe sixth. She knows where her priorities lie.

It really isn't difficult to get along with Cyber-Newtypes. Just know how they work and understand that they very likely don't mind being treated as if they weren't human. It's when all these justice-minded people keep insist on turning them into assertive people that things get sticky. Even for Soma, who is remarkably stable and rather human, save for a few quirks. If she weren't a Cyber-Newtype, she might just be pegged for an extreme workaholic.

Soma's response to the affirmation is unsurprisingly neutral. She nods once. "Thank you for being honest, Captain. I..." The Super Soldier pauses. She looks at Leo for a moment. She has smiled before, but rarely under pleasant circumstances. It wasn't a -real- smile... just a malicious laugh whenever something pushes her personality a little too far, like the GN particle incident. "Is that an order?"

The question gets a laugh out of Leo... although, like most of his laughs lately, there's barely any humor in it. "No," he clarifies, shaking his head sadly. "It never is, Soma. When I give you an order, you'll know. Everything else is just me trying to be your friend."

Moving slowly, a sure sign of his increasingly obvious fatigue, Leo rises out of his chair and steps across the room to drop heavily into a sitting position on his bed, next to Soma. "Someday I hope you'll understand that," he sighs, reaching out to give the Cyber-Newtype a pat on the knee.

That laugh is met with a confused look from Soma at first. When he explains, though, she seems to understand. "The crew of the Nadesico also made many attempts to get me to smile, but they always declined ordering it." A perplexed look crosses her face, because she just can't understand why they kept putting forth that much effort just for a smile. Especially since the attempts were more annoying than anything else, and mostly counterproductive to their goal.

"I understand that you are attempting to be my friend, Captain." Golden eyes dart down to look at the hand on her knee, just briefly before she looks back up. "What I do not understand is why so many insist on trying to make me smile. Is it something that important?"

At least Leo doesn't keep his hand on Soma this time; after the pat, he drops his hand back into his lap, and folds it there. "Not really, I guess," he concedes, after a few seconds of thought. "And I'm sorry. I'm sure it must get annoying, with so many people going on about it."

"I just want you to be happy," Leo assures Soma. "That's all." He hesitates, briefly, thinking back to the first time he had dinner with Ralla, and the question he asked her. He's never asked Soma, has he? They weren't really... close, then. But now...

"Are you?" Leo asks, turning to look at Soma, frowning thoughtfully. "Do you like being a Cyber-Newtype?"

Not much is thought about the touch once the hand is removed. Leo is a touchy person. Soma has learned this. She knows he (probably) doesn't mean anything untoward by it. "I understand your reasoning, Captain. Your attempts are not as annoying as previous ones have been." The look she gives him is soft and kind, and it almost looks like she might smile... but it never comes.

"Do I like...?" Soma blinks several times at the question. "I have been asked this before, Captain. It is a difficult question to answer." She looks away for a moment. "I am a Super Soldier. I was born as one and trained as one. I do not know any other life, nor have I ever had a real desire for any other life. In that way, you could say that I enjoy it."

Tilting her head slightly, she glances back at him. "I have found that this answer is not sufficient for most, but I have no better one. I feel fulfilled when I perform my duty on the battlefield. I feel pride when I am able to defend my nation. I feel pain when I am unable to save..." She pauses, and her next few words come out through a tightened throat. "To save my comrades..." Soma's eyes close, and she takes a breath and forces herself to sit up straight again. "I have tasted defeat more times than I would like, most of them not in the realm of combat. But I do not regret what I am."

Leo gets touchy again - as he is, indeed, wont to do - when Soma's distress leaks through when she talks about saving her comrades; he lift his hand again and reaches out to rub her back, in what he can only hope is a reassuring manner. He doesn't say anything, but it's the least he can do to try to offer her some kind of comfort.

But the young man can't help but note that Soma's answer, when you get right down to it, mirrors the one Ralla gave him. She is happy when she can be of service. He can't help but wonder how much of that is legitimate happiness, and how much of it is them being satisfied because they're told they're satisfied.

Leo offers the Cyber-Newtype another sad smile, and says, "I hope you're right." He gives her a final pat on the back and once again places his hand back in his lap.

"I need to get back to work," he decides after a few moments, turning his eyes from Soma to his computer monitor on the other side of the room. "Why don't you go get some rest?"

There is a difference between a good touch, a bad touch, and a neutral touch. Soma classifies this as the third, mostly. She knows he's trying to comfort her, but she isn't really sure that a pat on the back will really help. Getting her comrades, her family back, that's the only thing that can soothe that wound.

Killing Cagalli, Mithril, and Celestial Being might help a little.

"I do not believe it is a matter of being right, Captain. That is simply how I feel." The idea that she should be dissatisfied with her lot in life is just beyond her. Soma doesn't know anything else, so has no reason not to think things are fine.

"Of course, Captain. Do not let me keep you." The Super Soldier rises to her feet, spins on a heel, and snaps a quick salute. She is still off duty, so it isn't help for too long. Soma turns to leave... then hesitates. "Captain..."

Soma fixes her gaze on Leo and smiles. It looks very strange on her, but only in that she hasn't ever -done- this before. It isn't a horrible smile, but it is painfully obvious that it is not an expression she is used to making. "Thank you for your concern about my status, but I have many other things to worry about before myself." Then, just like that, the smile is gone, and Soma turns to leave as well.

Leo returns the smile, his own consistently weak expression reinforced by Soma's own... even as awkward as it is. When she turns to go for real, and makes her comment about having many things to worry about before herself, the young man is briefly compelled to urge her to rethink her priorities a little...

... but he just doesn't have the energy. Dealing with Soma tends to leave him a little drained, even moreso than other Cyber-Newtypes, and he certainly doesn't have the energy to spare, lately.

So he watches her leave, and settles for, "Goodnight, Soma."

Once she's gone, he rises tiredly to his feet and walks back over to his desk chair; he sags into it, swivels back to his computer, and stares at the monitor for several long, silent seconds.

Eventually, he starts typing again.