2010-08-01 - Moment of Clarity

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN SIDE 6 AND SIDE 3

SPACE

NOW

Ruined colonies are good places to hide in.

If you don't mind the smell, that is.

It took Rei a while to find the place -- the Leostriker helped -- but she eventually found a still-sealed atmospheric shelter within the ruins of Edlund Colony, a minor farming space that had its hull fatally crack a few years ago. A D-notice came down from the Titans to not mention it on the news. They had enough shit on their hands with the problems at 30 Bunch. The Earth Federation quietly rescued who they could. One shelter's radio was broken, though -- no one was ever signalled to come pick them up.

Which is why, when Rei opened the hangar door of the shelter to let the Leostriker in -- she doesn't know how she did it, but somehow fiddling with the mechanism made sense to her in a strange way -- she was greeted by a bunch of bones floating out. The entire shelter reeks of death. They all starved to death, apparently.

The Leostriker is resting in the hangar. Rei has taken Johnny's comatose form to the shelter's dining hall, along with her radio and a neo knapsack to try and forage for supplies with. Some of the people died still hoarding food. Probably killed. Rei doesn't feel bad about looting.

She does need new clothes, though -- her A-LAWS flightsuit doesn't fit right (she took a wrongly-sized one in haste) and it's starting to smell of the Zoid's lack of shower facilities besides.

Right now, though, Rei's focus -- as she sits there in her A-LAWS-issue tanktop and A-LAWS-issue shorts, not bothered by her undress -- is trying to get Johnny Domino to eat this fucking spoonful of applesauce. She idly boots up her radio between attempts.

"Leo...?"

Wherever Leo Stenbuck is, and whatever he's doing, is a God damn mystery, because the camera steadfastly refuses to change from the POV of Rei and Johnny, thanks to recent cuts in the animation budget, and that's just a /fucking fact./

Also the lead writer has a brain tumor.

But wherever he is, and whatever he's doing, he's apparently at hand, because it's only a moment before his voice crackles out of Rei's radio (AKA the Reidio.) "Hey, baby... is everything okay? You don't sound so great..."

He, of course, has no idea that Rei is currently trying to cram apple sauce down Johnny Domino's craw.

Johnny Domino has not been cooperative ever since his one spell of clarity around Side 3. Or perhaps 'cooperative' is the wrong word, considering that Domino, in essence, has not been /responsive/, period.

For instance, there was an incident on the way, where the Zoid apparently came under attack. Johnny's body flipped and flopped to and fro in the cockpit as Rei tried to keep both of them alive, sending the Zoid into violent motions through the void. A normal person would have been rattled awake by the experience. All that Domino ended up doing was get bruised up to hell and back, all the while remaining catatonically oblivious.

Now, sitting in their pathetic hideout, unaware of the stench, unaware of the applesauce, and unaware that Rei had apparently stripped him down to his underwear, Domino stares ahead. The young man's lips are parted ever so slightly, lax and useless, allowing a thin trickle of drool to ooze across his chin.

Rei had to get Johnny out of his normal suit, too. Because as bad as she smelled...

"I'm... I'm fine," Rei says, sounding tired enough to stammer, which means that she is indeed extremely tired. "Johnny is being difficult." This statement is punctuated by Rei attempting to push Johnny's chin up, to deposit the applesauce into his mouth and then try to massage his throat into swallowing.

"I just wanted you to know that I'm okay," Rei continues, after that, which no doubt sounded weird over the radio. "And I miss you." Well, if Rei can be honest with anyone, it's Leo, at least.

"I miss you, too," comes the immediate response from the radio. "And no wonder he's being difficult. Dude's a prick." There's a brief pause, and then Leo concedes, "But not a /total/ prick, I guess."

That, it seems, is all he has to say to that, because he immediately forges onwards, "But, uh, yeah, I miss you, too, sweetie. I was actually just thinking about you... ... well, I mean, I'm /always/ thinking about you, but I was thinking about... ... well, you know~"

Rei is not the only one capable of being honest, apparently.

Johnny Domino is indeed being very difficult. Those various smudges of glistening applesauce around his mouth? Each one of them is a testament to how his head slipped in the wrong direction at the most inopportune of times.

Rei would have an easier time feeding a baby.

At least Ayanami is getting better at it. This latest spoonful finds its mark. Domino makes a sort of reflexive 'grgl' noise as tiny droplets from the applesauce are pushed out of the corners of his mouth. Thankfully most of it is swallowed due to Ayanami's ardent rubbing.

Rei's lips don't change shape -- there's not even a hint of a smile -- but she is nonetheless pleased with her progress as Johnny Domino manages to eat more than half of what she's trying to force him to swallow. Letting go of his chin and his neck, Rei looks over at her radio while Leo speaks.

To her credit, she's Rei Ayanami, which means she doesn't blush. Instead, what Leo can hear is the sound of a spoon going into applesauce -- the jar is next to the radio -- and tapping against the rim.

Rei looks from the radio to Johnny. Then she looks around. There are a few skeletons in the room -- literally. She takes a few silent seconds to debate what to do.

Eventually, Rei settles on what passes for compromise. She tries to feed Johnny again, using the same method, hoping her manipulation of his throat doesn't coax him into any kind of reflexive spitting. And she replies to Leo: "I've... thought about that as well."

Rei's tone is so neutral that whether or not it's an invitation is anyone's guess, but in the handbook on how to understand Rei's retardation, it's definitely listed under 'continuing the topic and not just abruptly changing it.'

If inanimate objects were capable of having expressions, the radio would definitely have a shit-eating grin right now. "Oh yeah?" Leo asks, over the sound of movement. "You must be pretty lonely out there, huh?" Apparently, he either thinks nothing of the clinking, or simply somehow hasn't noticed it. Perhaps he was... distracted.

"Well, I hope you were at least thinking about me, and not Graham," the voice from the radio teases. There is a certain edge to it; it's evident that even though he's joking about the whole 'Mister Bushido yaoi' thing, he's still kind of huffy about it, and don't you forget it.

Suddenly Johnny Domino spits.

And then Rei Ayanami's face is splattered with goo -- right when Leo mentions Graham Aker, causing Rei to emit a surprised "Ah!"

Drawing in a breath, Rei again has to take a moment to consider how to handle the situation. First, she wipes off her face. Then, she sets down the applesauce spoon. Then, she continues rubbing Johnny Domino's throat, tilting his head back and opening his mouth, trying to make sure he's not choking to death.

Once she's figured that much out, Rei has finished deciphering Leo's true intentions (as far as she's capable of determining), and decides that she has no problem playing to them: "I don't think about him like that," Rei protests, not explaining what way she means. "I only think about you that way."

Except for that whole period of her life where she was a clone who was trying to bang the person she's now trying to feed. But her memory of that is like an embarassing home movie that she's able to pretend never happened.

There is a stretch of silence from the radio, both in between Rei's 'Ah!' and her actual statement and for several seconds after she says her piece. Eventually, Leo apparently decides to roll with it... although he still sounds a little uncertain when he teases, "I dunno, that's not what it sounds like..."

"But I'll take your word for it," he promises, after a beat. There's more shifting sounds, and then, "So... are you 'thinking about me' right now~?"

Poor Johnny Domino. Once upon a time he had pride. Once upon a time he was self-aware. Once upon a time he could chew solid food.

And once upon a time he was close to Rei Ayanami. Not anymore.

It would depress Domino if he ever realized the rather clinical treatment Ayanami bestows upon him as she attempts to get him to eat the applesauce. Her successor/predecessor would have most likely taken great care of Johnny, above and beyond the call of duty. And while kidnapping the young man could well be considered 'above and beyond the call of duty', Johnny Domino is nothing but an albatross for the current Rei Ayanami.

Her treatment of Domino may not be rough, but it lacks heart.

At the very least, it gets the job done. Johnny swallows this time around, instead of spitting.

WHAT REI IS REALLY THINKING ABOUT

How much of a relief it will be to do something easy and straightforward like 'washing Johnny' after all of the hassle of trying to get him to eat.

WHAT REI SAYS WHEN LEO ASKS IF SHE'S FANTASIZING ABOUT HIM

Leo calling the idea of 'thinking about him' into question makes Rei think about herself thinking about him like that. She doesn't display any obvious discomfort at the idea, but it does change what she's thinking about to something more in line with what Leo is hoping for. Rather than explain this refractive process of reference, Rei glances over at the radio and says a brief, Rei-like: "Yes."

"Mmm," is Leo's only response to Rei's claim. More shifting sounds. "I'm thinking about you, too~" There is another brief stretch of silence while Leo works out what to even say next; he has, after all, only ever done this once before, and it was not exactly skillfully done.

Eventually, he goes with the classic, "So... what're you wearing~?"

WHAT JOHNNY IS THINKING ABOUT

He is having a vision. A swarm of insect-like space-faring extra-terrestrials descending upon an unknown planet, reducing it to a dead wasteland as if they were locust. The swarm has no compassion. The swarm has no mercy. The swarm has no regrets. It's the thing nightmares are made of.

WHAT JOHNNY IS DOING

Sitting there like a retard.

As the conversation between Rei and Leo lengthens, the slightest of twitches graces the corner of Domino's eye. It's probably nothing worth writing home about.

Rei misses the twitch. She's looking down at herself, taking stock of what she's wearing. It's not much, so this is easy enough. Her red eyes do linger momentarily on things like the various bruises she's gotten in the course of piloting and scavening and all the other fun parts of being on the lam -- and yet, she's not put out by them. Largely due to 'She is Rei,' but it also feels familiar in a way that she's always associated with piloting. After all, her Eva used to leave her crippled.

Rei sets the spoon back into the applesauce. The mush making a wet noise in response could easily be misconstrued.

"An A-LAWS standard tanktop undergarment," Rei narrates, "Teal. Slightly frayed at one shoulder. I have not had occasion to repair it." She doesn't know how to sew. "A-LAWS standard shorts undergarment," she continues. "Teal."

That might not have been quite what Leo was hoping for, judging from how it produces yet another brief stretch of silence from him... but, really, it's his own fault if it wasn't. It is, after all, Rei Ayanami.

But he rallies after a few beats, at least. "I bet you look really cute," he muses. "I wish I could see you..." Another pause. "You wanna know what /I'm/ wearing~?"

It is during this conversation between Rei Ayanami and Leo Stenbuck that Johnny Domino produces a sound.

It is not exactly a moan, and it is not exactly a whisper. It has a delicate, hoarse quality to it - an almost husky texture. To anyone listening to this voice alone, it would sound nothing like Johnny Domino.

However, to anyone standing in the room next to Ayanami and Domino, it would be clear as day that Johnny is still out of touch with reality, and is simply making sounds based on reflex. Perhaps all this talking next to his ear really /is/ reaching him.

But bottom line is, after Leo presents his question, he is going to be greeted with a very intriguing uttering of, "Mmnuh, Leo..."

Johnny's sudden speech surprises Rei, but Rei being surprised is a lot like a cat being surprised -- rather than topple out of her chair and knock over the radio or some other klutzy maneuver, she just sharply turns her head to stare.

After that 'Mmnuh, Leo...' there are a few seconds of awkward silence while Rei waits to see if Johnny will say anything else. Her hand hovers near the button to terminate the radio signal. If he's going to start dispensing cryptic threats again... well, no reason to make Leo worry.

So Rei acts like it didn't happen: "Are you wearing something special?" she asks. Because obviously, Leo must be wanting to brag about something.

Even more than not transmitting anything, in the wake of Johnny's... noise... Leo transmits several seconds of awkward silence while he tries to work out what that was. It didn't really sound like Rei, but... well, the reception's shitty, right? So obviously it was... yeah. Yeah, that's it. It's nothing.

The confusion still takes the wind out of his sails a little, though, and he has to scramble to recover after Rei asks if he's wearing something special. "I- uh, yeah- one sec," he stammers. There are more shifting sounds, accompanied by a grunt of effort...

And then Leo declares, "Well, /now/ I'm not wearing anything~"

Johnny Domino does not dispense any cryptic threats this time around. In fact, for a short while, he actually remains completely silent after his initial burst of noise.

Then Leo has to go and announce his state of dress (or undress), and Johnny Domino produces a low groan, mirroring his earlier one.

"Mmmmmnuuhhhh."

On the bright side: still no threats.

Rei is confronted with two separate situations where she's really not sure what to do.

How her brain connects them is probably something that would make both men frown if they were aware of her mental process. (That holds true to just about any situation, though -- but this one in particular.)

Clearly, to Rei, Leo's voice is causing Johnny to rouse -- at least somewhat -- from his unresponsive, catatonic state.

And moreover, Leo clearly wants to talk, even if Rei has not yet deciphered what he wants her to say back.

Two birds with one--

"Go on," Rei says, taking the radio in closer.

There is another pause. Well, Leo reasons, it's not like Rei makes that much noise anyways, so... maybe she just sounds like that when she does? You know, once you filter it through the radio and stuff... right? Or maybe the Leostriker's just... making noise, or something. It's probably fine.

"Well, that doesn't seem fair, does it?" he asks, unable to really nail 'sultry' thanks to the ongoing oddities. He does his best, though. "Why don't you take yours off, too? Or maybe you wish I was there to do it for you~?"

Johnny Domino remains blissfully unaware of what Rei Ayanami is thinking about in regards to Leo and himself. At least, one can hope Johnny remains blissfully unaware. After all, who even knows what's on the young man's mind, as comatose and traumatized as he is.

Unless -- shit -- maybe the Codex knows what Rei is thinking? Perhaps the Codex has already seen it? And perhaps, one of these days, it will impart this nugget of wisdom upon Domino? Perhaps it's doing so right now!

Or maybe not.

Leo continues talking, and Domino blinks. His blue eyes come into focus, gaze sharp and all too aware.

The young man inhales, an audible, crisp gasp, as the senses of his body come to life. Where was he? Who was he? Why was he? And...

It is a second later that Leo Stenbuck will hear a voice -- very much belonging to Johnny Domino -- demanding in a half-panic, "Why am I naked?!"

Well. /This/ is awkward.

Rei was in the middle of taking off her tanktop, too -- Johnny gets the barest peek but really it's nothing he hasn't seen before. Rei lets her shirt drop back down and stares at Johnny with her blank, stuporific gaze -- now, she's the one who resembles a brain-damaged coma patient.

"You woke Johnny up," Rei says, to the radio. Leo can hear the little coded signifiers in her voice. She doesn't sound it to the layperson, but she's happy. This is good; it is progress.

Then she says to Johnny: "You smell bad. I was going to wash you."

Sadly, Leo can hear that part, too.

This time, Leo's reaction is far from uncertain or awkward. "Wha- what the fuck?! Domino was listening the entire time?!" He sounds... basically mortified. "I was-- we were-- and why is he-- /wash/ him?! Rei, what-"

Whatever else he was going to say is interrupted by what sounds like someone knocking on a door. "For the- I'M COMING! ONE SEC!" Leo shouts away from the radio, before lowering his voice and hissing, "Baby, I have to go."

Johnny Domino stares at Rei Ayanami with a heart-breakingly vulnerable and confused expression. Much like his state of cluelessness the first time he woke up in the Zoid, right now Domino has no idea what the hell is going on.

Whatever it is, though, Domino sure doesn't like it. Add 'scared and suspicious' to the mix of 'vulnerable and confused' displayed across his face.

And so Johnny listens to Rei talk, and then he listens to the radio talk, and then he tries not to throw up.

"I feel sick."

Well, now Rei feels the need to spin damage control.

This is how Rei Ayanami spins damage control: "Leo. We'll talk later. I love you." She says it loudly and firmly, possibly loudly and firmly enough that someone at his doorway might be able to hear it. But also possibly not.

Then, shutting down the radio without further comment, Rei turns toward Johnny. "You're probably malnutritioned. I haven't been able to find much non-solid food to feed you." She says this with a totally straight face. "I have rations, if you feel well enough to eat them." Sure, they're /hers/, but... she can survive a day of applesauce.

Before Rei kills the radio, Leo barely gets out a stage whispered, "I love you too."

What happens to him next... /is a mystery./

What happens next to Johnny Domino, on the other hand, is no mystery at all. His stomach makes a mystifying noise when Rei mentions the prospect of food, but instead of leaping at the opportunity, displaying the hunger of a pack of wolves, Domino actually looks even paler.

"urgh," he vocalizes, doubling his efforts to keep from releasing projectile vomit.

And in between gulps of deep breath, Johnny manages, "...you're... Ayanami. Rei Ayanami..."

Rei nods, once, when Johnny announces her name. She doesn't force the issue of food. If he doesn't want to eat, she won't make him (any more than she's already had to). More important to her is keeping him lucid.

"I am. You are Johnny Domino." Rei says this with the firmness of fact -- clearly Johnny wouldn't try to argue /his own name/.

"You have been unwell. I am taking you to someone who can help. Do you remember any of the past week?" Rei sits there -- the important issue is not what she's (not) wearing or what he's (definitely not) wearing, but figuring out what the situation is, how long it can be maintained, and whether or not Johnny will lapse into another fugue state.

Johnny Domino does not try to argue his own name. Rei's words seem to ring true in his head, and he clings to it, silently repeating the name 'Johnny Domino' in the recesses of his mind.

And what does he remember of the past week?

The young man's face contorts into a pained expression. "I remember," he begins, and then the words get stuck in his throat.

"..I remember.."

..Domino begins remembering. Along with the memories, the shaking also arrives.

"I remember-- I remember-- You--"

With halting, hitched gasps, Johnny stares at Ayanami with wide eyes. "An Angel--"

His alarmed breathing grows ever louder, as does his voice.

"--what have you done to me?!"

Rei is silent in the face of that question. She stares back at Johnny with a blank gaze -- the terror and confusion in his own eyes is met with what looks like apathy and boredom. To someone uninitiated, at least.

Johnny's Rei was one who, for lack of a more delicate way to put it, felt things more sharply. It's not that this Rei is unfeeling -- it's that she processes these feelings differently, and hides them away much more deeply, in some secret chamber of her soul that only a precious few might ever gain access to. That said, Johnny knows enough about Reis that he might be able to figure out the signals.

Which is to say: Johnny has hurt Rei, and below her impassive exterior, she has been stricken by sadness.

"I don't know," she flatly responds.

Does Johnny recognize the signals Rei is displaying? No. They are far too subtle. Domino is drowning in his own consciousness, unable to pick up on the finer details under his nose.

And so, despite Johnny's experience with a previous Ayanami, right now, the young man finds himself once again stricken by the girl's seemingly cold attitude. Just like before, when she told Domino that Rei was never his, Ayanami's apathetic admission in the here and now stings.

She doesn't know -- she doesn't care -- she's a complete stranger.

Terror is replaced with hurt. Unlike Rei, in his current state, Domino has not the ability to mask his emotions, and everything is written on his face as plain as day.

"..no," he manages to choke out, eyes dampening. And again, "No..."

The young man begins shaking his head, a slow gesture that picks up speed with each quarter of a turn. "N-no. I don't-- I don't want to see anymore."

"I don't want to see anymore."

"I don't... want..."

"...to see anymore..."

Weaker and weaker his voice becomes, until finally it's gone. There is no shaking. There is no clarity in his eyes. There is no Johnny Domino.

The visions have reclaimed him.

Johnny goes away, and Rei sits there for a moment, letting the silence hang, as if Johnny just needs a few seconds to reboot.

By the time fifteen motionless minutes have passed, Rei decides that it's time to get up, cover the jar of applesauce, and go find the shower.

Work to be done, and all.