2010-05-27 - The Seventh Meal

SOME TIME AGO

The prodigal Rei returned. When she did, she looked as if she'd been crying, but refused to talk about it. She had, wrapped 'round her head and interfering somewhat with her increasingly long hair, a sky blue headband that strongly resembled the one worn by Noriko Takaya. Rei refused to talk about that, too. Ignoring Sarah Zabiarov's orders, Rei stripped off and climbed into bed next to Johnny Domino, positioning herself within the crook of his arm, resting her head on his chest and closing her eyes. Still, she refused to speak. And then she was asleep, her body warm, her breathing regular and silent.

That was two nights ago. Rei still hasn't explained anything.

This morning, after she'd showered and while she was getting dressed -- so that she could walk the halls to her own room and change into a fresh set of clothes, but getting dressed all the same -- Rei said this: "I want to have dinner with you tonight. In my quarters. I will take care of the food. Dress however you see fit."

Rei had to hesitate: "It will not be an attempt at romance," delivered flatly and respectfully, in a bizarre attempt to reassure the young man. And then Rei tied her headband and wandered off.

NOW

Rei had to pull some favors. It's one thing when the entire ship thinks you're some kind of mongoloid crack baby -- it's another when you have to try and talk them into doing things for you. In any event, Rei made a lot of big promises, and she knows they'll never go fulfilled, but... she thinks she can forgive herself. It's only food, after all.

Well, no, it's not /only/ food, it's a feast, just about.

Vegetable sushi. Edamame. Miso soup garnished with seaweed. Even deep-fried tempura. It's all laid out on a folding table Rei picked up somewhere. She nearly bankrupted herself, but... what use will she have for her A-LAWS paychecks where she's going?

Rei wears some of the more modest clothes she received from her shopping expedition with Excellen. A lilac sundress with a purple top underneath it is the primary component. She still wears the headband, but has taken care to dress up her hair, making the ribbon work with it rather than against it. She has gone out of her way to be pretty.

But that doesn't explain why there are three place settings, really.

Something was dreadfully wrong.

This was a conclusion Johnny Domino reached a long time ago, during the stand against the tenth Angel, Sahaquiel. Watching a jury-rigged Unit-00 try to pathetically crawl up a hill, all the while Rei Ayanami was sitting inside, talking like a drunk retarded child, was enough to give Domino pause.

Yet even as he wondered what the hell was going on, Johnny didn't do much beyond asking Rei if she was alright. The realization that something was wrong had been blossoming slowly, deep within the Agent's mind, and as he grew closer to Ayanami and found himself afflicted with problems of his own, Domino failed to properly give his attention to Rei's troubled reality.

That was before.

Ever since Bardiel, the playing field has changed. Aware of things he was not privy to before -- feeling so much more focused and strong than he had ever been -- Domino started paying attention. From the discovery that Rei was not human, to the girl's admission that she was lonely, her bizarre behavior whenever she piloted her Evangelion, her deteriorating capabilities...

She left a note to Johnny a few nights ago. A note written in Japanese. Or at least Domino thought it was in Japanese. He hunted down someone on the Minerva to translate it for him, only to be told it was gibberish. Then there was the incident during the battle against Zeruel, with Unit-00X's self-immolation. Why did Rei do that? Not to mention that outside of her Evangelion, some of Rei's behavior was becoming erratic. There's no other way to describe it but erratic - what started as wishing to sleep by Johnny's side at night evolved to the girl dragging Domino out of bed, taking him to random places around the ship and falling asleep on his shoulder.

For the quiet and reserved Ayanami, this was simply... erratic.

And then, at some point, Rei got a bandana. It looked suspiciously like the one Noriko had, the one that was so incredibly important to her. Which was why it couldn't possibly be Noriko's bandana -- she would never give that up. Except... Domino knew what Rei smelled like. He knew it all too well by now. And that bandana smelled different. It smelled like...

...

Johnny Domino had been paying attention. There were so many alarm bells rising in his head the longer he looked at things, if this all came to light prior to Bardiel, Domino might have broken down. Instead, now, with the newly acquired strength inside of him, he has been digging. Searching for the truth, trying to find out what was going on with Ayanami.

He has been making progress. Progress that could be put off for one night in order to have dinner with Rei. Getting into his A-LAWS dress uniform -- the only fancy clothes the Agent happens to own -- he arrives at the girl's quarters one minute early. Domino buzzes the intercom.

THE OTHER DAY

Cinco Budenda, a simple A-LAWS lieutenant, is in his temporary quarters aboard the Minerva. His feet are up on the bunk, and his aviators are dangling from one hand. His other hand is busy running over his moustache, bristly as it is. On the screen atop his desk, a looped image is playing. He studies it intently, brown eyes glittering in the reflected brilliance of the scene.

There is a knock at his door, and he move swiftly. The screen switches to a screensaver of a kitten playing with a ball of yarn, the sunglasses slip onto his face and he stands, striding one step and opening the door of the cramped room.

There's nobody there. Something tells him to look down, though... and that's when he finds the invitation.

NOW

Cinco Budenda, biceps glistening under the harsh lighting of the Minerva's corridors, walks purposely towards Ayanami Rei's quarters. The lieutenant stops at the intersection, seeing Agent Domino already on the scene, and frowns.

He contemplates. But after a moment, he steps out into the light anyway, walking over to the door and the Domino. He /is/ invited, after all.

"Johnny," he says, by way of greeting. "You're looking sharp."

Usually there's a long pause between the sounding of the buzzer and Rei Ayanami answering the door, as if the girl had a compulsion to build suspense -- or as if she had to think it over long and hard every single time. This time is different: the door whisks open immediately. Rei stands there. Her face is its usual muted, colorless expression, but it's clear to anyone who understands her -- as both of these men can lay claim to -- that she wants to smile, and that it's only willpower keeping the corners of her lips level.

"Cinco," Rei says. "Johnny."

Rei is anxious, but hides it well. She noticed today while bartering for contraband foodstuffs that her English was slipping -- that she was having trouble articulating things in the universal language of space colonialism. Stepping backwards into the room, she can't help it when she stumbles: "Please. Come into room." She immediately privately wishes to crawl into a hole and die. But again, she hides it well.

Rei's room is the epitome of 'Decorated by Excellen Browning,' lavished with all of the sort of girlish decorations one might expect from a small child. Garlands of paper hearts and stars hang from corners and along walls. Posters showcase magical girl Gundam-pilot computer games, puppies, that sort of thing. A few stuffed animals sit on the immaculately made bed. And around nine hundred paper cranes have been strung up onto thin ropes that hang from one wall like a tapestry of random, chaotic, bright color.

"Please sit," Rei asks, gesturing to the table. There are only two chairs, and only one of them is a chair; the other is an overturned storage crate. The third place setting requires sitting on her bed. Her hands fold behind her back -- she doesn't make it obvious which seat is meant for who, if she harbors any intentions either way.

"I am glad you both came."

Johnny Domino turns his head when Cinco calls his name. It is a sharp movement, embodying the surprise Domino feels at the appearance of the simple lieutenant. As the Agent's blue eyes land on Cinco, the latter will be able to feel the same taint he felt in Johnny in their previous encounter.

As if it has been stirred to life upon becoming aware of Mr. Budenda's existence, the presence within the Agent bubbles and broils. A dark aura emanates from Domino, rising from his body like a slow, hazy smoke. A flash of something monstrous overlays itself across Johnny's face, and then-- nothing. The vision, the aura, they are gone. All that remains is the Agent, glaring at Cinco.

Johnny Domino has a little moleskin notebook. In it he has been keeping notes about his investigation into Rei Ayanami and the mystery that surrounds her and the Angels. On one page he had written 'What is Metaphysical Biology?', followed by 'Souls. Transfer? Injection? Manipulation?', and various excerpts from scientific articles Domino could never hope to comprehend.

On another page is written a date: the 21st of February. It is accompanied by notes Domino had taken from his prying into Ayanami's past. At the bottom is written, in tiny print, 'What happened to Rei Ayanami?'. The page opposite of it deals with Leo Stenbuck and the timeline of his break up with the First Child.

Another page contains a rough sketch of what appears to be a seven-eyed sigil with the name Adam written underneath, yet another page contains details about GN LCL with a note going 'Kaji, 28th of March'... and finally, a page that harbors a single line, written in large bold letters, underlined multiple times: WHO IS CINCO BUDENDA?

Domino asked Rei about him. She assured the Agent that on the scale from Friend to Foe, Cinco was Friend. That, however, does not mean Johnny is willing to trust him so easily. Indeed, as he glares at Cinco, Domino prepares to offer a restrained thank you -- but he doesn't get the opportunity. Ayanami opens the door way too fast. As she greets them, Domino's eyes narrow ever so slightly.

Did she invite Cinco as well?

No comment is offered when Rei trips over her speech. Domino heard her accent deteriorate with time, saw her invest effort into formulating simple sentences. He tries to act like it isn't happening, but he knows it is, and he hates it.

Remaining silent, the Agent swiftly takes his seat - he picks the chair. Cinco may have the crate if he so wishes. The food is eyed with some appreciation. If only Cinco wasn't here, Domino would have smiled. He would have moved to hug Rei, tell her she looks good in the dress, commented about the feast she managed to get on board.

But Cinco is here and Johnny Domino doesn't like it.

Something is dreadfully wrong.

Cinco chuckles softly at Domino's reaction, working the Quattro-style nonchalance like a pro. It's amazing how easy it is for him to emulate his eternal frienemy, even when that alien presence slams against the walls he's built in his psyche, roiling his stomach, kicking up waves of nausea. He disguises it once again by running a finger across his moustache, a casual tic, clearly Lieutenant Cinco Budenda's signature quirk.

With a swish of his long greatcoat, the lieutenant flows gracefully into the room, reaching out to grab Rei by the shoulder. It's very smooth, looking like no more than a simple shoulder squeeze of greeting.

On another level, he knows exactly what is going on here. Cinco doesn't like it, but he recognises it as necessary. He trusts the girl to do what she feels is right. Trusts her to save the world. Just... not alone. The contact sends a clear message, both on the physical and emotional planes.

Calm, reassuring emotions flow through that space between, flitting through the AT field all humans wear as armor around their souls. On his face, Cinco smiles. In his soul, the message is the same: I'm with you.

"You've been very busy setting this up, Rei," Cinco says in an appreciative voice. "And you're certainly making that dress sing. I'm proud of you."

Flowing from one space to another, he sits regally atop the overturned crate, making it look for all the world like a throne.

Rei watches Johnny takes his seat. She seems troubled for a moment, a hint of confusion crossing her face. It's not that she doesn't understand -- it's that she's not sure how Johnny understands. She can't blame him for reacting poorly, in that case. She isn't happy about saying goodbye, either.

But she would have very much liked a hug.

Still, that disappointment is short-lived. He's there, and Rei will take that much happily. Besides, she told him that this wouldn't be date, as if the presence of Cinco didn't make that perfectly clear. The blue-haired girl turns to face her brown-haired mystery-guest as Johnny takes his seat. When his hand comes to her shoulder, when he compliments her, and when his mind reaches out to hers and consoles her like waves washing away a grimy layer of worry...

Rei can't help but lean forward and hug Cinco, whether Johnny is there or no. "Thank you," Rei whispers, sounding entirely too appreciative to anyone not privy to their psychic connection.

When Cinco sits, Rei is the last to join the table. She sits at the edge of her bed. "Help yourselves," she ushers quietly, waving at the various dishes on hand. "Please. Don't let it go wasteful." Rei hesitates, though, to claim her own portion, as if waiting to see how much the men take, first.

Under the table, Rei's foot touches Johnny's shin. Above it, red eyes cast a sidelong glance at blue ones, the message on her face clear: 'Are you okay?'

Domino has to take a moment to calm down the pang of irritation that hits his stomach when he hears Cinco tell Rei what the Agent refrained from saying. And then Rei hugs the lieutenant.

Johnny Domino catches it from the corner of his eye. His pang of irritation turns into an ashen wasteland. 'How disgusting', he thinks. This disgust is aimed at Cinco, but mostly, it is aimed at Johnny himself.

Exhaling the sand that has accumulated in his head, the Agent makes a concentrated effort to not let Cinco spoil the mood. Ignoring the way Mr. Budenda sits at the crate as if he were king, Johnny turns to look at Rei, following the girl as she moves around to her own seat. At that moment, Domino has eyes only for Ayanami.

"Thank you for the meal," the young man manages once Rei tells them to go ahead. Unfortunately, the sincerity in his voice is clouded. Glancing back at the food, Domino begins piling up samples on his plate out of every available dish.

At the very least, Rei can be assured that Domino does not feel quite as self-conscious so as to begin censoring himself in regards to eating. The Agent is still as uncaring as ever about his gluttonous ways.

Then Domino freezes in the midst of picking out some sushi, feeling Rei's foot under the table. He turns to look at her. His rigid expression melts around the edges. 'I'm worried', is his mute response to Ayanami.

Abandoning the sushi, Domino reaches across the table, seeking to grab hold of the girl's hand.

Cinco be damned.

Cinco's other arm briefly encircles the girl, patting her back as she goes in for the hug. He doesn't show his surprise. Seated, he plucks a bunch of tempura onto his plate, because he is a man who likes things which are fried. The lieutenant weathers Domino's scorn, because he understands-- he really does, even if he has to keep up the facade of being a jerk. It's for their protection, not to mention his own.

"This is very nice, Rei," he mentions, crunching into a fried yam. "I haven't had such nice food in years. Where did you find all of this stuff?"

He is, if not visibly, at least mentally relieved at the Agent's softening expression. The boy may not like /him/, but Rei seems to need something from Johnny, even if Cinco isn't quite sure what it is.

Sadly, Rei isn't incredibly sure, either, but she knows she's closer to it, whatever it is.

When Johnny takes her hand, Rei all but forgets about the food on the table. Even Cinco's question is met with a murmured, distracted reply. "People," Rei replies, not even looking over at the simple lieutenant.

This continues for what is probably an incredibly awkward moment -- Rei doesn't seem to want to do anything other than hold Johnny's hand and look into his eyes. That her expression changes for a moment would appear to back this up: Rei smiles. But it's only a brief thing, small and transient. It's as if Rei's realization that she's smiling is enough to remind her that she has every reason not to, and the weight crushes her lips flat again.

"Johnny," Rei says, squeezing his hand warmly. She turns her head a bit to look over at Cinco. The worry on her face is evident. She doesn't know if she's making a good decision. She can feel the fabric of Smith's ribbon against her forehead and she's been seeing Noriko's tears replay in her mind on an almost hourly basis, if not more frequently. Rei isn't sure she can do this.

But she really doesn't have a choice. Did she ever?

"I'm going away soon, Johnny."

Johnny Domino's reaction is slow.

He doesn't blink when Ayanami tells him she is going away soon. Neither does his expression change, nor does his posture shift. On the outside, the Agent appears as if he hadn't even heard the girl's words. On the inside, however, his heart leaps, slamming hard against his throat. The passage of time comes to a halt as Domino attempts to wrap his head around Ayanami's words and comprehend the full meaning behind them. But try as he might, the full meaning keeps slipping from between Johnny's fingers. In fact, he doesn't even /want/ to know what it means.

And somewhere, deep down, the Agent thinks he knows after all.

Remembering to breathe, the Agent finally breaks eye contact with Ayanami. Turning to look at Cinco, Domino regards the simple lieutenant with the same neutral look, trying to fit him into this puzzle.

Then back to Rei. Domino's head swims as he asks, "Where are you going?"

"Somewhere you can't follow," Cinco's voice breaks in, ponderous and inevitable as the moon's pull on the earth's oceans. "Not yet, anyway." It's hard to say where these words are coming from. Are they Cinco's own words? Or are they a product of the strange connection between the man and the girl?

Cinco can feel Rei's turbulence, the gradual breakdown of her faculties, her language centers, all of it. It's as if a part of his soul is dying, but at the least he can help it find peace, somehow. He hopes.

"You're a good man, Johnny," he continues, voice harsh. "You've been a good friend to Rei." The lieutenant leans back, resting his right ankle on his left knee. Another bit of the fried yam. "A good friend to humanity."

Rei doesn't have an answer for Johnny. This much is written clearly and starkly across her face, which wavers between its usual neutrality and the beginnings of a frown. That gestation of an expression can be seen most clearly in her eyes -- her crimson irises, endless in their depth, like oceans of blood. Rei wills herself not to cry and on some level she suspects that it may well be the hardest thing she's ever done.

It's while she considers this that Rei finds Cinco answering her question for her. Her head turns again, but slowly, as if it requires considerable physical effort for her to look away from Johnny. Her other hand has come to enclose his as well, trapping him between her palms in a grip that's stronger than it was when the Agent first met the girl -- when she seemed to subside entirely on vending-machine soup, when she seemed to put zero effort or care into her appearance, when she came and went as mysteriously as she pleased. At least one thing hasn't changed.

Rei nods, once, and slowly, when Cinco finishes speaking. She turns back to look at Johnny, and finds that her mouth has suddenly gone dry. She sucks inward on her lips like flexing them will somehow give them the strength they need to speak. She doesn't take her hands away. "I'm going back to where I came from," Rei says. She tried this approach on Noriko -- being disingenuous. It broke down fairly quickly. But she feels that she owes it to Johnny to try and comfort him, the way he comforted her. It's a curious thing, she knows, in the back of her brain: Johnny comforted her by speaking to her as a human, as an equal, and here she is, trying to comfort him by speaking to him in sugar-coated vagueries.

"I'm going home."

Rei looks over at Cinco again for just a moment. She can't do this, she decides. She can't cheat him. Not when she feels this way.

"You asked what I was, Johnny. I told you, but I didn't... tell you why."

Rei swallows. It's strange to see her swallow. She seems entirely too vulnerable when she does that -- signs of humanity hang oddly on her frame, when not filtered through her unique prism and phrased in her own terms. But then, that's no surprise, is it?

"You asked what I was."

Rei breathes. She thinks of Noriko -- how Noriko reacted. What Noriko must be doing right now. What Johnny will be doing. What Cinco will be doing. What she'll be doing.

"Johnny. I'm an Angel."

Johnny hears Cinco's voice where he expects to hear Rei's. It is a voice Domino does not welcome.

Bristling on the inside, the Agent's mind begins barricading itself. At any other time before Bardiel, Domino would have snapped at least twice already. There is so much about this situation that eats Johnny up -- so much about this situation that chips away at his comfort zone.

But no, the young man does not snap. Instead, he steels himself, erecting mental brick after mental brick. Even if on the outside he remains unnaturally calm, Cinco will be able to tell that with every additional word, that much more pressure builds up inside Domino. Yet despite that, Johnny refuses to break.

Inhaling through his nose, slow and deliberate, the Agent affords Cinco another quick glance. Blue eyes observe the older man from behind their invisible fortifications.

The ever-present question hovers within Johnny's mind: who the hell is Cinco? How dare he speak on Rei's behalf? And why? Why?

Then Rei decides to speak up again, and Domino promptly abandons the simple lieutenant and proceeds to cling to the girl's every word. Unlike Cinco, Ayanami is the one Johnny desires to hear. And knowing Rei, the Agent will have to pay very close attention to what she is saying if he wishes to glean anything about what is going on.

Indeed, Ayanami's initial words are as vague as ever.

And then suddenly: clarity.

Rei Ayanami is an Angel.

Domino blinks. His blue gaze sharpens, pinning Ayanami underneath a hard, intense stare. In his head, multiple details click into place, linking together to form part of the answer the Agent had been seeking all along. It all happens in the blink of an eye -- mental flashes that move as fast as the neurons triggering them.

And Johnny... what of Johnny? How does he feel? What is his reaction? How will he handle the truth?

The answer to these questions does not become immediately apparent. The Agent takes his time in processing this revelation, and his mind slowly weighs things under a new light. But at the end of the day, Domino is not too surprised. He already knew something was up with Rei, something that linked her to Adam and the Angels. And he had already decided, on the night they both kissed, that it didn't matter what Rei really was. And so, after what seems like eternity -- but really isn't -- Johnny Domino gives a small, gentle smile.

Rei Ayanami is an angel.

"Yes," he offers quietly, sadness mixed with wry amusement at the double meaning behind that phrase. "Yes you are."

Pressure easing out of him, the young man stands up, moving to sit next to Rei on the bed and hug her. The food on Johnny's plate goes untouched for a while longer.

Cinco leans back further, resting his upper back against the cool wall. He watches the rest of the drama play out, and does not offer any further words. He's already done what he can here.

His aviators glint as he tilts his head, watching Johnny's movement to the bed. Is this what Rei wants? Does she want more from the young man? It's difficult for Cinco to tell-- partially because Rei herself isn't even sure.

Even so, he fires off a question to Rei, not with words but rather with emotions. All he wants to know is if he should leave.

Watching, after all, has never been one of Cinco's favourite pastimes.

Rei's plate stays empty.

Johnny's pun offers little comfort, but it's like letting a band-aid float around in a sucking chest wound. She tries to smile -- it mostly succeeds, but not all the way. When Johnny comes over and sits next to her, she welcomes the hug as though it were water in the middle of the desert. She's conscious of Cinco's presence, but she can't -- or won't -- stop herself from indulging, like a prisoner who claims a king's feast for a last meal.

Rei's arms circle around Johnny's waist and squeeze him tightly. Her head rests on his shoulder. Cinco can feel why this is important to her. There's no question, really -- even Johnny can feel it, without the psychic connection. Rei needs this in ways that she could probably never properly express. What she wants from him is plain -- she wants what she's giving him to be given back, freely and without hesitation. But that's not going to happen, and Rei knows it. She wants more. She wants love. But she'll take comfort. She'll take safety. She'll take love without the capital "L." Whatever Johnny's willing to give.

"Cinco," Rei says, upon feeling the buzz of his query, not lifting her head up from Johnny. "Please," she implores with a quiet voice -- but she doesn't ask him to leave: "Explain us."

Rei has to stop herself from kissing Johnny's neck. Cinco can feel that one like a charley horse. "He deserves to know."

Perhaps in another world, in another lifetime, Johnny Domino would have been able to return Rei's feelings. But in the here and now, the passion Ayanami has to keep herself from displaying towards Johnny is completely absent from the young man's own actions. He loves the girl, but his love is that of a friend.

And as awkward as it is to know the girl he is hugging desires something more, the feeling that Rei needs comfort and friendship overrides the reflex to recoil. He must be there for her and offer her these things so few people have ever seemed to offer her before.

When Ayanami implores Cinco to explain 'us', Domino turns to look at the simple lieutenant with a very very dry look. 'Yes', his eyes seem to say in an almost sarcastic manner. 'Please explain'.

Cinco grunts, turning his head to once again regard Domino and Ayanami. His sunglasses hide his expression, but unease and more than a little anger colour his emotional spectrum. His frown is at least clear enough.

"I told you I would help you, Rei," Cinco says, voice dropping low. "I didn't say I would risk my soul."

Rei, no doubt, has memories of what happened the /last/ time 'Cinco Budenda' found himself under Paptimus' thumb, under a different alias-- Five Murasame. It's not an experience he wishes to repeat.

"How can I trust him?"

Rei can certainly understand Cinco's anger. She tenses in her embrace for a moment even though no words have yet been exchanged verbally. The feelings that rise up within the incognito lieutenant also swell within Rei, like a noise and its echo -- distant, but the same. Memories of a life that is not her own come back to her -- the Murasame Institute, the processes that made a man into a weapon --

Just as Cinco Budenda no doubt feels their echo churning within himself. The memories of NERV. Of turning a Seed of Life into a young woman. The feeling of death -- and then waking up after darkness so brief she might as well have just blinked her eyes. Rei lifts her head, and turns it slowly, to glare at Cinco. Despite the sunglasses, she manages to look him dead in the eyes.

"/I/ trust him," Rei says coolly and adamantly. The tone isn' angry, but it is quite insistent -- in the sense of being some kind of ultimatum, the terms of which would only be known by the two people sharing some kind of psychic tennis match around, above, and through Johnny.

"If you trust yourself," Rei continues, "you trust me. And if you trust me..."

Rei's head turns. Just a bit. Her eyes flick toward Johnny's, and then her gaze levels sternly at Cinco again. "...you trust him."

Johnny feels Rei tensing in his embrace, which only adds to the Agent's distrust of Cinco. And when Cinco finally asks how he can trust Domino, the latter has half a mind to speak up and tell this 'simple lieutenant' that quite frankly, Johnny Domino doesn't trust him in the slightest.

He doesn't, although Cinco can probably feel it anyway -- probably felt it all along. But distrust isn't the only thing Johnny feels about Mr. Budenda. He also feels curiosity, and there is the tiniest speck of hope, hidden deep within the folds of negativity. Hope that Cinco does not end up living to the Agent's paranoid expectations.

..and then when Rei gives her answer to Cinco, a new feeling joins the fray: confusion.

What the hell is Ayanami talking about? This weird circle of trust she described... is Cinco an Angel as well? Domino says nothing, but it would not take a genius to guess that his state of mind at the moment pretty much boils down to 'what the fuck is going on here'.

Cinco holds up his hands, palms out, towards Rei. "Alright, fair enough," he mutters, voice sounding annoyed. "Just hope he trusts you as much as you trust him."

With that cryptic declaration, Cinco Budenda reaches up, removing his aviators. Carefully, he folds them, placing them on the table next to his plate. A thumbs runs across the moustache, then grips the corner and /pulls/... ripping the moustache right off his face. This isn't a horrible gory bloodfest as one would usually expect; it just leaves his upper lip bare.

Then the 'simple lieutenant' spreads his hands on his knees.

"I'm sure you recognise me by now," the bare-faced man says, slowly. "Rei and I share an unusual connection. Our uh... souls, I guess, are... hmm. Cross-contaminated? Linked?" He shrugs, unable to describe it precisely.

"During an angel attack, my bio-sensor merged with Rei's AT field, and our minds came away changed. Part of her is me." Amuro Ray sits forward. "And part of me is her."

Rei sits quietly through Amuro's explanation. Afterward, she is silent still -- her head rests against Johnny's shoulder again, a poor substitute for what she wants to be doing, but the watchful gaze of Cinco Budenda helps keeps her chaste as much as her own sense of restraint. Still, she's more relaxed than she was a moment ago. She doesn't quite have the psychic wherewithall to send Amuro calming signals the way he does to her -- the most she can do is to be calm herself, knowing he'll feel it.

"Johnny," Rei says, a few moments after Amuro is finished speaking, before questions can be broached. "When I've left -- you need to look out for... Cinco. He can't stay here, and he'll need help getting back to where he needs to be." Rei's hand comes up and presses to Johnny's chest. "You need to help him get home. If you won't do it for him..."

Rei's red eyes stare into Johnny's. "Then do it for me. He's a good man, Johnny. I wouldn't say that if it wasn't true."

Johnny Domino isn't sure what to think, so he does what he did so far: remained silent.

As Cinco gives up, a shot of victory rises within the Agent. Blue eyes watch intently as Cinco removes his aviators. Johnny narrows his eyes. Who the hell..? Then the 'simple lieutenant' rips his moustache off.

What--

Domino's eyes widen. He did not see that coming. The... what happened to all the blood that was supposed to be there? What is this? And why does Domino feel like he should recognize Cinco's face? As if he had seen it somewhere before except not really, which--

Oh.

Shit.

Johnny Domino knows precisely who Cinco Budenda is. And he stares, and his mouth hangs open, and for a moment, even Bardiel's strength fails to keep the Agent composed. It doesn't help that in the back of Domino's mind a tiny voice shrieks in aggravation: how on earth did Johnny fall for such a simple disguise?!

After five seconds the Agent is still staring. And when Ayanami starts talking, he is /still/ staring. And eventually, when he tears his eyes away from Amuro Ray, he CONTINUES staring - this time at Ayanami.

"..."

Johnny works his mouth, trying to say something. No actual words come out. The young man pauses after this initial failed attempt, attempting to mentally broach the topic at hand.

"Rei," he manages. "Is... is this..."

Domino swallows. His arms around the girl have grown lax, staying in place only through physical habit. The Agent's mind is miles away.

".......I don't... he is..."

In between these floundering words, Amuro will be able to feel Domino's struggle. A deep, painful inner struggle. Johnny's duties to A-LAWS -- his loyalties to Paptimus Scirocco -- are being put against his bond with Rei Ayanami. If only this was a simpler case of the military versus Rei, Domino would have easily picked Ayanami. But after everything Paptimus had done for the Agent... Paptimus and Sarah both.

Yet at the same time, there was Rei. This girl, one of the most precious friends he has, who plans on going someplace he can not follow. The implications of the situation -- of everything -- weigh heavily on Johnny's shoulders. Rei Ayanami, an Angel, the enemy of humanity, was saying goodbye.

That sound, in the darkness, is the sound of Domino's heart breaking.

"....okay," says Johnny. His eyes are still wide, voice hitched. The Agent does not believe his own words. "I promise. Okay. I promise you."

Amuro Ray watches the Agent's struggles, and feels the deep pain of the young man. He does not let himself get overwhelmed with that pain. He shuts it out. This is Ayanami's choice... all Amuro has to do is help pave the way.

So he waits, eyes not leaving Johnny Domino. And when the man breaks, he does his best to hide the reflective flash of pain rushing through him.

"Alright," he says, clearing his throat. "Johnny, I'm not here to sabotage or harm A-LAWS in any way." He frowns, looking away for a moment. "Not this time, at least. I'm here for Rei, and for Rei alone."

Rei closes her eyes, still resting against Johnny. When he agrees, her hug tightens. When Amuro speaks, she feels... confident for the future. Not for her own, but for her friends', which is more important to her, a more vivid sensation, color and light where her own future holds nothing but a cold void.

"Thank you," Rei whispers, her voice carrying just as much affection as any embrace could. She knows that it's a difficult thing to ask, but she also knows that... Leo is already too burdened, and really, she's not sure she can rely on him as much as she thought anyway. The other Rei's memories may have colored her perception too much. She's glad on some level that this won't be a problem in the future.

"I have one more thing to ask of you, Johnny," Rei says. She pulls away, exploiting the Agent's loosened grasp, so that she can open her eyes and gaze into his, straightening up a bit so that she can try and match his eye level while they sit on the bed. "I want you to know something before I ask it. Being with you... even just... as friends... is the happiest I've been in my life." True, but not the whole truth -- but true enough that Rei doesn't want to ruin it with a qualifier. Rei's eyes are wet. As she speaks, she's describing what she's giving up -- what she'll never have again -- what ties her to a life that she never thought she wanted. Until Johnny. There are others, but he laid the groundwork, and he stayed in the center of the frame.

"You mean so much to me. I don't know how to say it... other than in a way you don't want to hear." Rei is speaking slowly, laboring over each word, struggling to speak clearly while still serving the emotions she wants to express. "But... I was never happier than when..."

Rei lets go of Johnny completely, and gestures to the chair feebly. Her hand shakes. "I'd like to have a meal with you, Johnny. One more."

Rei is visibly trying not to cry. She fails. A tear runs down her cheek. "Eat with me so I can remember it for the rest of my life."

Johnny Domino doesn't hear Amuro's words when the latter attempts to reassure Domino that he isn't there to sabotage A-LAWS. The older man's voice passes right through the Agent, who is still trying to come to terms with what is going on. All those mental barricades he placed when they all sat down -- they are rendered completely useless now.

Johnny wets his lips and swallows and then wets his lips again.

Much like Amuro's words, Rei's gratitude also falls on deaf ears. The Agent is far too shocked by his agreement to betray Scirocco's trust, shocked by the realization that Ayanami is honestly saying her farewell, shocked at being so helpless.

Then Rei pushes away from him and Domino forces himself to listen.

Shit. The girl's words, they sound so final. They sound so fucking depressing! Johnny wants to shake his head and tell Ayanami to shut the hell up. Not only because of the feelings he can't return, but also because he doesn't want things to end. The longer he lets Rei speak, the more he feels being drawn to the abyss -- a black void of emptiness and terror.

And his eyes. They're stinging. Fuck. Fuck it all to hell, why does this have to be like this? Johnny hates crying. Clenching his fist, the young man tries to fight against it, keeping his mouth shut, holding his breath in his throat so as to keep it from overflowing with emotion.

By the time Rei's own tear escapes into the light, Domino's knuckles have grown white, his hand shaking from the exertion. A deep scowl is on his face.

He won't cry.

"..I'll eat," he manages through gnashed teeth, trying to nod and failing. Beginning to shift around on the bed in preparation to get up and return to his own seat, the Agent suddenly stops. He is glaring at some random spot now, having turned away from Ayanami. His mind is moving so fast, clawing desperately in its fight to not succumb to tears.

It is through this hazy battle for control that Rei's final words manage to register. 'For the rest of her life'.

"..just," the young man blurts, "one more.. question."

Johnny takes a deep breath, trying to steady his voice. "Rei. What happened to you on... on that day." There's a moment as Domino works to remember the date. "The twenty-first of February. The day Yazan Gable..."

It is just as hard for Amuro to watch this as it is to experience it-- because, in a very real way, he /is/ experiencing it. That shard of Rei lodged in his soul pulses with the pain, the terror, the determination. It batters against the walls he constructed around that piece of her, demanding release, demanding access to his very heart.

He denies it.

This is not his.

The Newtype turns away, shakily replacing the all-covering aviators, pasting the moustache back on to this upper lip. Anonymity comes with its prices, but also its benefits: so hidden, his moment of weakness is invisible. To Johnny, at least.

Then the Agent asks /that/ question, and Cinco Budenda pauses, hands half-way back to recover his chopsticks. That question. That time. That man.

How will the Angel handle it?

"The day Yazan Gable..."

Rei relives it all again. It's never a run-through of the whole day, but just one second. The one second where she felt her body blast apart before she couldn't feel anything anymore. The last thing she heard, Leo struggling to get it out in time...

'I lo--'

Rei has to close her eyes. She's replayed it so many times that it doesn't make her cry anymore -- she feels ashamed, in any event, shedding tears for herself. But that doesn't make the memory any easier, especially because of how maddeningly disconnected it is -- Rei remembers her own death, but she doesn't know what she was feeling during it. She remembers why she tried to crush Yazan Gable but she doesn't remember what she was thinking when she made that decision. She remembers telling Leo that she loves him -- but she can't put herself in her own shoes.

"...killed me."

Rei opens her eyes, staring back into Johnny's. She's told him so much and asked even more of him. She can't hide this from him if he's going to ask. She doesn't care if Cinco doesn't approve, although she doesn't try to second-guess whether he will or he won't one way or the other. She's sure he'd do the same if their roles were reversed. But then, Amuro Ray has had a lifetime to practice his management of vivid emotions. Rei Ayanami has had three months and six days. "They brought me back."

Rei has to struggle not to cry more, mirroring the Agent's own heroic efforts. She doesn't want to give him false hope. But she doesn't want to tell him everything, either. "But it can't happen again. And it won't. This is all I have left."

"..you died.."

Johnny doesn't move his lips when he utters this, his voice barely above a whisper. The fist he has been holding closed up until now opens, fingers spread wide, then falling limp.

What the hell!

The girl Johnny Domino loves so very much died.

A single tear finally manages to escape from the corner of the Agent's wide eyes. It rolls down to his chin, almost drips to the floor -- except it doesn't fall. It simply hangs there, much like how Domino, who has felt himself drawn further and further into the abyss, now hangs frozen above it seconds away from being swallowed whole.

But Rei knows him too well. Immediately she moves to dispel any hopes the Agent may have started fostering. Does it work?

Domino blinks a few times. His throat is aching, and his body feels like it might shake apart at any moment. But the tears aren't coming. The abyss does not claim him.

For a time it looks as if Johnny wants to say something, his lips parting, looking at Rei with an indescribable expression. The moment eventually passes in silence.

Domino gathers his wits about him, doing his best to reclaim the emotional and mental control he lost. Whatever is on his mind, Johnny does not say. He simply relocates back to his chair. Biting at his lower lip, the Agent surveys both Rei and Cinco with a prolonged glance.

Domino never spoke in Japanese around Rei. His Japanese is atrocious, and he never felt compelled to indulge in that foreign tongue. But now, as he sits there with Rei, preparing to eat what may very well be their last meal together... in a tiny tiny voice, speaking in broken and pathetic Japanese, Johnny Domino says, "Itadakimasu."

Cinco Budenda is unreadable throughout. It's kind of awkward that he's even here, but the girl wanted his presence, and he did promise to help her.

So he waits, quietly and respectfully, until they're done.

Once Johnny Domino makes his overture, Cinco Budenda straightens up, clears his throat and carries on as if nothing untoward had just happened. In much better Japanese, he replies with: "Hai, douzo." His hand unfreezes, picking up the chopsticks and lifting a new piece of tempura.

"Rei, I have a gift for you," he says through a mouthful of salted veggie crust. "Perhaps another time, though."

Rei doesn't say anything to Johnny when he tries to understand what she's told him. She's already put out all that she's willing to give him -- Rei doesn't want to disappear into death with Johnny not understanding why, but she also doesn't want Johnny to know so much that it would harm him. She sees this withholding as an act of mercy, in its own way. An exclusion that will hopefully mean that Johnny can carry on with his life and be happy.

Maybe find a girl who means as much to him as he does to Rei. The thought makes Rei happy. She spends so much time now, thinking about what her friends will do without her. She knows they'll feel sad. They'll cry. Maybe they'll have a tough time at first. But she likes to think they're all strong enough to handle it -- to take their destinies into their hands and to find the happiness she's throwing away.

And knowing what she's throwing away... Rei prays they never, ever take it for granted.

Rei wants to say all of this, to explain all of her complicated feelings at length, to give Johnny and Cinco a full map of her mindscape. But she's too mentally eroded to do so with any fidelity. So she has to settle for simple gestures that she hopes convey everything she wants. Such as reaching over to Johnny and wiping the tear away from his chin with a gentle motion of a soft, pale hand.

Johnny sits down and the mood stays somber -- but then the Agent speaks, and Rei pauses, staring over at him. Her expression is a tiny bit surprised, red eyes widened -- and then they grow bright, as a smile crosses her face. Her eyes are still wet, but she can't help the joy that spreads across her expression, giving way to quiet, light laughter -- whispered giggles that she demurely tries to cover with a hand.

"Itadakimasu," Rei says, pronouncing it correctly. She takes some of the now-tepid soup for herself -- cold doesn't bother her. Rice. One of the tempura. She samples a lot but doesn't take huge portions -- Rei eats like she's lived. A lot of little pieces adding up into something whole.

"Another time," Rei says to Amuro, still smiling softly, eyes still threatening to tear up, voice shaky, soul swelling with a happiness she's going to savor for as long as she possibly can. "Right now... sitting and eating with you two... that's the only gift I could ever need."