2009-01-03 - This Ain't No Game, This Is HANGAR HOOPS

TWO HOURS AGO -- THE SEVEN STAER LUXURY MOTEL 'HILTON NEBULA ZETA'

Roy Fokker is sitting at the hotel bar, enjoying a 'Fokker Appletini,' which is four shots of gin poured into a hollowed out apple. He is smoking a giant and illegal cigar.

A teenage boy approaches him, splashing a glass of 2 percent milk (the only thing the Hilton Nebula Zeta will serve him) in Roy Fokker's face.

Major Fokker grabs the bartender's apron and wipes his face. "So, you're the guy. Well-- there's only one way for a grown man and a teenager to settle their differences in a PRODUCTIVE way. Hangar Hoops, Shirts Vs. Skins, 2 hours. I'll save you some embarrassment, kid-- keep your shirt on."

NOW

Shirtless and dribbling an electric blue neon RB-78 Basketball, Major Roy Fokker sips space vodka from a sports water bottle. He looks at Kyosuke. "So, you're the guy command assigned me for the skins team? Huh."

Leo Stenbuck is somehow unconvinced that 2v2 bball is the EFA's usual method of resolving dispute among officers. Not that he has much say in the matter; it would do him little good to protest this, with how much of the command structure is in full support of it. Even the Ruler of All Known Space, Wong Yunfat.

_Especially_ the Ruler of All Known Space, Wong Yunfat.

He'll just have to make do. He's not about to lose, let alone forfeit... especially now that he's found himself a girlfriend. Leo, clad in a pair of green shorts and a black tanktop, paces back and forth anxiously on the assembled court. A guy who bleaches his tips and an alcoholic? Yeah, he can do this.

On the other hand... "Uh, Rei," he coughs, frowning. "Are you sure you're... I mean, you don't have to play if you don't want to. I can just do 2 on 1."

One hour ago, Kyosuke Nanbu was waist-deep in mech parts, helping out with repairs and maintainence. Then he got emergency orders. Possibly the strangest orders he has received to date. 'KYOSUKE NANBU - REPORT TO SDF-1 HANGER FOR SERIOUS SLAMMIN' AND JAMMIN'' He's here now, bare chest still smudged in grease. "That's what I'm here for." Kyosuke pauses, looking at their opponents. A teenage couple. If he has any doubts, he is not showing them. "Evidently."

Rei Ayanami, the First Child, is wearing her school gym uniform -- the tight white t-shirt and the intensely short blue shorts making it readily apparent to the world just how lanky and awkward her body is (puberty is a tough time for everyone). "If you do not wish for my assistance, Leo," she says, in her flat whatevery tone, "I will sit out. I was under the impression that you wished to use this as a social activity for the two of us to participate together in, which you generally seem to take an interest toward." An hour ago, Leo was explaining to her what 'b-ball' even was. Rei has permanent doctor's-note status in gym class.

The SDF-1 Veritech hangar, at least the starboard haldf, has been totally converted. The floor is now wood paneled, court lines glowing in neon colors. Roy Fokker digs in the pockets off his official Skull Squadron gym shorts and hands Kyosuke a small piece of what appears to be paper. "Kid, you're gonna need this."

Roy also has a piece of paper... he peels part of it off and it appears to be a temporary tattoo... a skull and eagle logo that proclaims 'The SDF-1 EAGLE-FOKKERS,' his famous team logo. He applies it to his chest with vodka.

Preparing furhter, Roy ties a black bandana around his head, which does nothing to keep his glorious blonde devilock out of his face. There is a giant cooler full of Space Coors and Neo-Gatorade bottles full of whiskey with the Eagle-Fokkers' logo on the sidelines.

"Time for tip off."

Roy waits for Leo at the line.

"I just don't want you to get hurt or something," Leo says, worry evident. Rei is, after all, a delicate flower. Or delicate albino clone monster, whatever. SHE IS DELICATE. "If you want to play, you... ca..."

He trails off as Roy produces his temporary tattoos and bandana. Suddenly, Leo feels severely underdressed, looking forlornly down at his unadorned tanktop and shorts. After a few moments of stunned silence, he turns his attention back to Rei. "Uh... okay. Just... if you get the ball, just... pass it to me, okay? And if you need to stop, say something."

Leo approaches the line eagerly. It is not until he gets there that he really processes the largest flaw in this plan. Leo Stenbuck is 5'3". Roy has almost a full foot on him, not to mention almost a hundred pounds. Grimacing, Leo plants his feet and prepares for the legendary Go Time.

Rei nods to Leo silently and follows him. She maintains a respectful distance from the line, prepared to -- well, actually, not prepared for much, apparently. She stands with her arms at her sides, showing no evidence that she has any specific desire to move anytime soon. She stares at Leo and Roy, not blinking.

Staring at the temptat in his hand, a small part of Kyosuke wonders, 'where did he get all this stuff?' The sheer amount of preparation that Roy Fokker has put toward this arguably friendly game of b-ball is nothing short of amazing. But it does't matter. Kyosuke gameface is on, and it's not worth the trouble to argue. 2v2 b-ball is a /team/ sport, damn it, so if this is what Roy says, this is what goes. Perhaps that is why Kyosuke was selected for this mission. The tat goes on, and that's that. Only one thing left, now. Producing a small white wristband straight out of the (NCA 00?)80s, Kyosuke slips it on. He's ready for Go Time, now.

Major Roy fokker is able to secure the tipoff. Hangar Hoops is exactly like Street Hoops-- except it's basically full court, full of neon lights and possible jet parts-- and it's in a god damn hangar. But, street rules. Street rules.

Grinning and throwing a thumbs up to both Rei and Kyosuke (and a thumbs down to Leo), Roy begins dribbling and weaving like a tall, serious and seasoned hangar hoops professional. He lines up a shot at the hoop--

COMBAT: Roy Fokker has attacked Leo Stenbuck. Two Pointer added to their queue.

COMBAT: Roy Fokker has struck a solid hit on Leo Stenbuck's RB-79 Ball using Two Pointer.

COMBAT: Leo Stenbuck's evasion attempt has failed.

Leo has a surprisingly easy time keeping up with Roy; working out for two hours a day and cramming steaks down his gullet has definitely had a positive effect, and though he's still skinny, he no longer looks like a stiff breeze would snap him in half like he did when he arrived on Earth.

But he's still short. Roy shoots, and Leo leaps for it, but his fingertips fail to even brush the underside of the ball as it goes soaring into the basket. Scowling, Leo hustles to retrieve the ball.

He takes a moment after collecting it to dribble it while he muses on how retarded this is, but after only a few seconds he takes off down the court, zooming around Roy and towards the other side of the court. He's sure he can get it in the basket - this is nothing compared to flying a Mobile Suit.

Of course... Kyosuke is taller than him, too...

COMBAT: Leo Stenbuck has attacked Kyosuke Nanbu. Two Pointer added to their queue.

COMBAT: Leo Stenbuck has missed Kyosuke Nanbu with his Two Pointer attack.

As it turns out, people who are taller than other people have an easier time of completely shutting them down. Kyosuke, after watching Roy sink his shot (nice jumper), backs off toward the Eagle-Fokker's side of the court. When Leo comes to make his shot, Kyosuke steps forward with one hand raised and brutally man-handses the ball out of the air. It is perhaps fortunate for Leo that Kyosuke has better things to do than trash talk after a block. Such as catching up to the ball, dribbling it the rest of the way down the court, and taking it straight to the basket for some serious dunking action. The only thing that stands in his way...is Rei.

COMBAT: Kyosuke Nanbu has attacked Rei Ayanami. Slammin' added to their queue.

COMBAT: Leo Stenbuck has successfully covered Rei Ayanami.

COMBAT: Leo Stenbuck has activated a spirit command.

COMBAT: Kyosuke Nanbu has struck a solid hit on Leo Stenbuck's RB-79 Ball using Slammin'.

COMBAT: Leo Stenbuck has counter attacked for a minor hit on Kyosuke Nanbu's RB-79 Ball using Go Dunk Yourself.

Rei Ayanami is about as useful during a game of bball as Roy Fokker is during a baptism. But she at least forces Kyosuke to go around her, and that buys Leo the time he needs to recover from being totally cockblocked by the ATX Team leader and sprint his way back down the court after the ball.

Kyosuke goes for the dunk, and Leo leaps in from the side, slapping at the ball again. This time his fingers actually do graze the ball, but it is not enough, and Kyosuke still unleashes a truly mighty dunk.

Scowling, Leo once again recovers the ball. Okay... head in the game. He dribbles twice, takes a deep breath, and then takes off down the court again, slipping past Kyosuke and towards the other hoop. He skids to a halt just shy of the three-point line, hops into the air, and attempts a shot right over Roy's dumb head.

COMBAT: Leo Stenbuck has attacked Roy Fokker. Three Pointer added to their queue.

COMBAT: Roy Fokker has activated a spirit command.

COMBAT: Leo Stenbuck has missed Roy Fokker with his Three Pointer attack.

Kusuha Mizuha gets the call while she's helping out in the infirmary. "Kusuha Mizuha! Leo Stenbuck needs your help!" comes the crackling radio. Kusuha gasps, dropping the syringe she was about to jab into an old man, and activates her breast-mounted radio (this causes the old man to spring a nosebleed). "What's wrong?! Is he sick?! Did he collapse! I bet he collapsed under the merciless weight of the Earth's gravity!" With a clucking sound of utmost sympathy, she rips off her nurse's outfit (the old man's second nostril starts spraying blood, and he passes out) to reveal a GYM UNIFORM underneath. "That POOR BOY! Don't worry, Leo! I'll rescue you!"

MOMENTS LATER, Kusuha Mizuha jogs into the hangar, causing five mechanics to fall off their mobile suit perches as they crane their necks to stare. "Leo! Be careful!" she cries, seeing that he is doing something with some kind of ball. She watches it bounce off the backboard, expertly knocked off-course by Roy Fokker... and in that moment, she knows what she has to do.

Breaking into a sprint, she passes Rei with only the slightest of impolite shoves and dashes to the opposite end of the court. Leaping, she grabs for the rebounding ball... and SHOOTS IT AGAIN. "ORYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" she squeaks.

COMBAT: Kusuha Mizuha has activated a spirit command.

COMBAT: Kusuha Mizuha has attacked Roy Fokker. Rebound Shot added to their queue.

COMBAT: Roy Fokker has activated a spirit command.

COMBAT: Kusuha Mizuha has struck a solid hit on Roy Fokker's RB-79 Ball using Rebound Shot.

COMBAT: Roy Fokker's evasion attempt has failed.

Roy Fokker's head might be totally stupid, but it's also unnaturally beautiful and well loved by hangar hoops fans and spectators (Skull Squadron's flight crew). His hair tosses with unicorn grace as he jumps up and blocks Leo Stenbuck's admittedly good shot-- but then there's a woman. A woman who's not completely useless.

"What? A woman who knows hangar hoops? Lady-- you're not half bad!" Roy says with surprise and excitement as Kusuha makes her shot.

He dribbles the electric blue RB-78 basketball expertly as he runs up the court.

There's a certain glow about Major Fokker, almost as if he's heating up... boomshakalaka... he's... HE'S ON FIRE!!

Roy Fokker runs up to the hoop and jumps as only a space war veteran can...

Is it the shoes?

COMBAT: Roy Fokker has attacked Leo Stenbuck. MONSTER JAM added to their queue.

COMBAT: Roy Fokker has struck a major hit on Leo Stenbuck's RB-79 Ball using MONSTER JAM.

COMBAT: Leo Stenbuck's evasion attempt has failed.

Wait, what?

Gaping, Leo reaches feebly towards Kusuha as she soars through the air and scores what historians will call a 'radical rebound two-pointer.' "M-Ms. Mizuha, this is 2v2, you can't..." He catches himself and turns his attention towards Rei, who at this point is probably watching a butterfly that somehow drifted into the hangar. And this _is_ totally retarded anyways... "... yeah, okay, whatever."

He tears his attention away from Kusuha when Roy shoots past him, and with a long-suffering sigh he wheels about and sprints after the ball. Roy leaps, Leo leaps, and once again the boy fails to even glance the ball as Roy smashes it through the hoop.

Today, Leo Stenbuck has decided that being short is awful. With a growl of frustration, Leo _yet again_ collects the ball and takes it down the court. The only thing messing him up, he's sure, is Roy and Kyosuke's defense, so he Goes For It. Leo skids to a halt at the half-court line, leaps into the air, and launches the bball at the distant basket.

COMBAT: Leo Stenbuck has attacked Kyosuke Nanbu. Half-Court Shot added to their queue.

COMBAT: Kyosuke Nanbu has activated a spirit command.

COMBAT: Leo Stenbuck has struck a devastating hit on Kyosuke Nanbu's RB-79 Ball using Half-Court Shot.

COMBAT: Kyosuke Nanbu has missed Leo Stenbuck with his Personal Foul counter attack.

"Amazing, Leo!" Kusuha breathes, as the ball soars across the court to /swish/ perfectly through the net. "I knew you had it in you!" She rushes across the court to give Leo a face-crushing hug. Meanwhile, 1000 DeviantArt subscribers immediately commission pictures of this event from anime artists, because /everyone knows/ that their work is 10x cheaper than that of furry artists.

COMBAT: Kusuha Mizuha has activated a spirit command.

COMBAT: Kusuha Mizuha has activated a spirit command.

It all happens almost too fast for Kyosuke to keep track of; Fokker's unsurprising denial of Leo, Kusuha's AMAZING APPEARANCE OUT OF NOWHERE, and then Fokker's M-M-M-MONSTER DUNK. It's all very impressive. So when Leo starts coming down toward this end of the court again, Kyosuke is there on D. Except...Leo's going for the half-court shot! Kyosuke immediately starts to book toward him like the most stoic of freight trains, but it's too little, too late. The ball bounces off the rim, high into the air, and then sweeps back downward, swishing through the space net gracefully. Going and recovering the ball while Kusuha smothers Leo (possibly to death), Kyosuke tries to bring it all the way back down the court, going in hard to the net. "Fokker!" The single cry is all the warning Roy is going to get as Kyosuke goes up as if for a long dunk, hucks the neon blue ball at the backboard, and trusts in Fokker to take care of the rest.

Having wandered off, Rei wanders back into the fray, her arms still hanging at her sides as she watches the ball move around, head turning to follow it with a seemingly unfocused gaze.

Roy is very busy downing his fifth in-game bottle of Neo-Gatorade filled with the cheapest south African whiskey when Kyosuke calls his name. Major Fokker pours the remaining whiskey over his head, making him glow with neon-whiskey droplets-- like every Neo-Gatorade commercial. This combi nes with the scent of his 'Fokker's Finest' aftershave to form an unholy scent -- SexLiger (by zoidmani)-- the most powerful cologne on court or off.

Roy catches Kyosuke's throw, but encounters Rei Ayanami. "Damn. That little stick figure's in my way... but if I do the math, what street thinkers call /hard math/, the odds of this twiglet blocking my marmite are /nil/."

The scent of SexLiger combines with a no-frills toss at the hoop. Roy's mouth forms a stern line, whiskey dripping from his taut muscles and onto the floor.

COMBAT: Roy Fokker has activated a spirit command.

COMBAT: Roy Fokker has activated a spirit command.

COMBAT: Roy Fokker has attacked Rei Ayanami. SexLiger Layup added to their queue.

COMBAT: Rei Ayanami has activated a spirit command.

COMBAT: Roy Fokker has struck Rei Ayanami with a devastating hit using SexLiger Layup!

COMBAT: Rei Ayanami counter attacks Roy Fokker with a minor hit using White Clones Can't Jump.

"Hello, Major Fokker," Rei says as Roy barrels toward her. "I hope you and Leo hold no ill will. I would not wish for my actions under your supervision to create a dispute between the two of you." The scrawny clone, wearing her p.e. uniform and big leg warmers for no apparent reason, just stands right in the path of Roy, seemingly willing to let herself get run down by his STREET HOOPS RAMPAGE.

Then, as he goes up for the layup, Rei /jumps/. She's not quite a natural, but her status as a quick learner is affirmed as she tries to use a gangly arm to swat the rock away from the hoop when Roy goes for the layup, her dead clone nerves unaffected by the power of Sex Liger. Her skill is not quite up to par, though, as Roy's larger form just knocks her out of the air, sending her landing on her back roughly. She doesn't make a noise as she tumbles, landing with her shoulders on the ground and her spine bent so that her knees are /also/ touching the ground and her ass is in the air.

Even as he makes the shot, the contact with Rei is enough to send Roy Fokker tumbling to the ground as well. He falls sidewya, landing on his ribs and sliding across the floor, thumping against the wall. His head throbs with drunkenness, b-ball adrenaline, hangar hoops euphoria and good old fashioned pain. "Kid," Roy grunts at Rei, "that was the most valuable training experience of your life. Next to this one."

"You," Roy grunts to Kyosuke, "New guy. Defend our hoop. These jerks got game. Mad game. Defend the hoop while I... reset my hip real quick."

Roy resets his hip by drinking a space coors, brought to him by a helpful Skull Squadron flight tech.

Leo takes a few steps backwards as the ball drops into the net, grinning broadly. He turns to head back towards the shirts' goal, and walks facefirst into Kusuha's chest as she locks him in what is either a gleeful embrace or a wrestling maneuver.

On the one hand, any teenage boy would be positively ecstatic to have his face crammed into Kusuha's chest. On the other hand... girlfriend right there. "Um, Ms. Mizuha, we can't... we have to..." he stammers, struggling to pull himself free of the woman's death grip as Kyosuke hauls ass past them with the ball. "We're not... we're still...!"

Eventually, Leo manages to writhe his way out of Kusuha's grip and charge downcourt towards the ongoing offensive play, but it is far too late, and Leo is barely halfway to the basket by the time Rei and Roy collide in midair and go sprawling to the ground.

"Rei!" he cries, half-panicked. Roy doesn't even get a second glance as Leo scrambles past him, dropping onto his knees as he nears the fallen albino girl. Once he's there, of course, he doesn't really know what to do, and mostly just getsures helplessly. "Are you okay?! -- hey, time out!" he calls, lifting his head and making the Universal Time-Out Signal. After a moment, he collects himself enough to grab Rei's legs and carefully pull them back down, to get her ass out of the air. That position is not for the bball court. "D-do I need to get a doctor?!"

"Stop being a pussy... the kid's fine... play ball..." Roy grunts, balled up on the floor and drinking.

Those droplets all over Roy look /delicious./ Kyosuke needs to get him some of that. After all, beating the crap out of kids on the b-ball court is thirsty work. However, there is no time to simply stand around, drinking Neo-Double Gatorade or whatever the hell. Kyosuke jogs over and grabs two of them and then heads back out onto the court, shotgunning one. He is halfway through the bottle when he realizes with mild digust that it is vodka, but then he keeps drinking it anyway, because it's too late to go back now and there is NO TIME, since Roy Fokker has tasked him with defending the hoop. In fact, just to make sure he is capable, Kyosuke starts to down the other bottle with a grimace. But then it turns out there was plenty of time after all since Leo is taking a time-out or something. Kyosuke folds his arms and waits.

Kusuha rushes over and looks down at Rei, swiftly pulling open one eyelid to check the pupil within. She frowns a little, then grabs Rei's shoulders and pulls the girl to her feet. "No concussion. She'll be ok!" announces the nurse, before she dashes off to grab the ball. "But we can't give up, Leo Stenbuck!" she cries, dribbling down the court and bouncing more than just the basketball.

She stops at a 45 degree angle from the net, watching Kyosuke carefully. He's a wily one, and Kusuha knows that 'wily' is about the last adjective that could be applied to her. She can't outsmart him. She'll just have to /outshoot/ him. And rely on luck, and a move that Cyborg Charlie Bird taught her four years ago. Turning around, she winks at Leo and Rei. "Hey you two, don't forget! Those STD test results are waiting for you in the lab!"

Then she tosses the ball over her shoulder.

COMBAT: Kusuha Mizuha has attacked Kyosuke Nanbu. Blind Shot added to their queue.

COMBAT: Kyosuke Nanbu has activated a spirit command.

COMBAT: Kyosuke Nanbu has activated a spirit command.

COMBAT: Kusuha Mizuha has missed Kyosuke Nanbu with her Blind Shot attack.

Rei's shirt is stained with neon Neo Apartheid whiskey, the heavy acidic content eating through the cotton in a few spots to make it appear that Rei last wore this shirt while being shot in the chest with a shell full of radioactive rock salt. As Leo gets her spine unfolded and Kusuha drags her to her feet, Rei's eyelids flutter slightly, the most blinking she's done since the game began. "I am fine," she asserts, before tripping on one of her floppy, oversized leg warmers and falling flat on her face. She then pushes herself up. "Again, I am fine."

With a mostly empty bottle of Hyper Neo-Vodkade Championship Edition still in one hand, Kyosuke is truly an intimidating man to be in between a b-ball and a net. This is with good reason, as Kusuha's sneaky gambit more or less fails completely. Kyosuke is there, leaping up to intercept the ball. "It's sad that young people don't know the value of restraint anymore." And then he's off, dribbling with one hand down to the opposing free throw line. Once more, Kyosuke goes up, well-oiled body gleaming under the glare of the lights, the flash of cameras. His arm starts to windmill with the ball, going around and around in a wide circle. He almost floats... And then he comes down like a ton of bricks. Who dares to stand in his way?!

COMBAT: Kyosuke Nanbu has activated a spirit command.

COMBAT: Kyosuke Nanbu has attacked Leo Stenbuck. We Got The Dunk added to their queue.

COMBAT: Kyosuke Nanbu has missed Leo Stenbuck with his We Got The Dunk attack.

Leo blanches at Kusuha's comment about STDs. Well... Rei IS a girl. It makes sense that news would get around essentially instantly. And it's not like it can hurt his reputation, right? Rei falling on her face again jolts him out of his thoughts, and he scrambles across the ground to help her get up again. "Well... if you're sure..." he says uncertainly.

Kusuha's backwards toss fails miserably, as is to be expected, and Kyosuke comes back up the court with the rebound. Frowning, Leo gives Rei's arm a quick squeeze and then hustles to the defense of his precious hoop.

Kyosuke leaps into the air, and Leo dashes to under the hoop and leaps as well.

Then a strange thing happens. Conventional wisdom holds that as the game proceeds, Leo should be getting tired, especially as a spacenoid. Quite the opposite seems to be happening. When Leo jumps, it is his highest leap yet, and his hand slams into the bball clutched in Kyosuke's, sending it flying out of the ATX Team leader's hands and straight up into the air.

It goes up, up, up, and then straight down, where it rebounds off the rim and shoots downcourt back towards the other basket. Leo's already on his way downcourt by the time this happens, and he snatches it out of the air and transitions effortlessly into a dribble.

He reaches the basket after only a few seconds and leaps into the air, soaring up towards the basket and drawing his arms back in GLORIOUS SLOW MOTION to deliver a slam the likes of which only a man from space can.

COMBAT: Leo Stenbuck has activated a spirit command.

COMBAT: Leo Stenbuck has attacked Roy Fokker. Space Slam added to their queue.

COMBAT: Leo Stenbuck has struck a glancing hit on Roy Fokker's RB-79 Ball using Space Slam.

COMBAT: Roy Fokker has counter attacked for a minor critical hit on Leo Stenbuck's RB-79 Ball using Fokker's Personal Foul.

As Leo Stenbuck's Gazelle-like legs carry him across the court, Roy Fokker tightens his headband and leaps to his Chuck "Space All Star" Taylor clad feet. As the Teen Titan makes his desparate gambit to complete the mightiest slam bam thank you space ma'am of all time, Roy Fokker throws something the likes of which have not been sseen since the last SDF-1 Eagle-Fokkers game (against the Side 3 Shitgeese)--

--He elbows Leo Stenbuck. Just blatantly. It's space street rules, so that is totally legal, but the elbow isn't as bad as it could have been. It's more of an album combined with... Fokker's Feint?

As physical contact is made, no one can predict what will happen to the RB-78 Basketball... not even practicioners of tight math. The ball rolls around and around and around the rim, leaving electric blue glow-trails in its wake.

And it's in.

"Fuck, kid. That was one in a million," Roy congratulates. As he congratulates, however, the ball is already in his hands. He dribbles, dribbles over his shoulder, in between his legs like some kind of Larry SpaceBird.

"The hoop is god damn hungry. And it's feeding time."

Major Fokker stops at the three-point line and looks to the stars. He whisks the ball away toward the hoop. "Eat up."

COMBAT: Roy Fokker has activated a spirit command.

COMBAT: Roy Fokker has attacked Kusuha Mizuha. Three Fokking Points added to their queue.

COMBAT: Roy Fokker has struck a major hit on Kusuha Mizuha's RB-79 Ball using Three Fokking Points.

Rei is, in theory, covering Kyosuke. In practice, she's just following him around -- when he moves on the court, she casually strolls after him, not even glancing over to follow the nasty b-ball action. She doesn't even really get in front of him, either, just standing at his side, uncomfortably close for any grown man who is not Quattro Bageena.

"Oh no!" Kusuha gasps, as Roy Fokker rushes towards her. "I've got to... defend the hoop! It's all up to me now...!" The blue-haired heroine does her best, rushing forward to try and intercept the RB-29 BasketBall. "KIYAAAAAAAAAAH!" She leaps, flailing her arms uselessly in the air, but, well. Kusuha is not exactly the most athletic woman around. The ball flies right overhead, slamming through the net for another three-point gain.

"Oh /no/!" she repeats, hustling back to grab the ball as it lands, feather-soft, on the ground of the hangar. "But we're not done yet! Leo... go long!" she cries, hurling the ball across the court and into Leo Stenbuck's arms. It's time for Leo to step up! Kusuha emphasises this gesturing at the watching Rei with her head, then giving Leo a double thumbs-up. If Leo can make this shot, no doubt Rei will go so far as to let him /hold her hand/.

Roy is not exactly aiming to kill when he slams his elbow into Leo Stenbuck, but it would seem that Roy Fokker is so unfuckable he can hardly even restrain his own power. Or maybe the kid's just a bitch. Either way, when struck, Leo loses his balance mid-jump, lands awkwardly on one leg, and tumbles to the floor, clutching at his chest. "You hit me!" Leo shouts after Roy as he takes the ball back downcourt. "You son of a... ugh!"

Eyes welling up with PAIN TEARS, Leo hauls himself to his feet. He wipes his eyes and starts slowly back down the court, groping at his chest and breathing slowly. It kind of hurts when he does. That's probably not good.

Kusuha cries out after only a few steps, and Leo looks up in surprise. A split second later he has the ball in his hands. "I-wh-" he stammers, caught entirely off guard. It takes him a few seconds to process that the skins' D is headed his way.

When his situation finally processes, he turns and, in a complete reversal from the gravity-defying antics of only moments ago, casually shoots the ball. As soon as it's out of his hands he grimaces and grabs at his ribs again. "Nng..."

COMBAT: Leo Stenbuck has attacked Kyosuke Nanbu. THE RAVAGES OF B-BALL added to their queue.

As Leo shoots, Rei works on pure instinct, the osmosis of STREET HOOPS having worked valuable STREET KNOWLEDGE into her blood, like a degree from HOOP DREAMS UNIVERSITY. The ball goes up -- and so does Rei, leaping into the air to try and grip the ball and slam it into the hole in a brutal space allez-oop, a move which has never been attempted before in the history of the hangar of the SDF-1. If it connects, who knows WHAT could happen.

COMBAT: Leo Stenbuck has struck a solid critical hit on Kyosuke Nanbu's RB-79 Ball using THE RAVAGES OF B-BALL.

COMBAT: Kyosuke Nanbu has missed Leo Stenbuck with his THE RAVAGES OF ANOTHER ELBOW counter attack.

COMBAT: Rei Ayanami has attacked Kyosuke Nanbu. UNPRECEDENTED SHINING GAY WIZARD BASKETBALL EXPLOSION added to their queue.

COMBAT: Rei Ayanami has missed Kyosuke Nanbu with her UNPRECEDENTED SHINING GAY WIZARD BASKETBALL EXPLOSION attack.

There is no room for mercy on the b-ball court. As Leo comes bravely back from the drubbing that Roy Fokker has laid upon him, Kyosuke is there to intercept him. Heading straight for him, in fact, ready to give him a drubbing that is even more sound. He's a bit slow, though, and Leo gets the shot off before Kyosuke is really anywhere near him. Kyosuke's expression turns to one of slight annoyance as he sees the ball sailing toward the hoop...and then Rei is there like a big gay shining b-ball wizard. His mouth opens slightly in amazement...mad skills, indeed. But then she flubs the dunk, proving that skinny teenage girls that have never played b-ball before still probably aren't very good at it. Leaping up for the rebound, Kyosuke snags the RB-78 B-Ball and heads down the court again, running in hard around the edge toward Kusuha, taking it to the baseline. He goes for the hoop, but it's too late, he can't possibly get enough air in time...but then, maybe he won't have to, as Kyosuke goes for an after-the-fact lay-up, now with /extra hyphen action./

COMBAT: Kyosuke Nanbu has attacked Kusuha Mizuha. Lay Back and Lay-Up added to their queue.

Rei does indeed flub the dunk, smacking her head off of the backboard so hard it explodes in a burst of neon sparks showering downward like something from a circa-1998 Puff Daddy and / or Ma$e video, and dropping to the ground like a rock.

COMBAT: Kyosuke Nanbu has struck a major hit on Kusuha Mizuha's RB-79 Ball using Lay Back and Lay-Up.

"Uwaaaaaah!" Kusuha squeals as Kyosuke space jams up the hangar floor towards her. All she really does is throw her hands up, but Kyosuke just runs right over the test-pilotin' nurse, sending her crashing to the ground. Fortunately she has ample padding to cushion the landing. Even so, she frowns a little, biting her lip and pushing herself back to her feet in time to see Kyosuke's sweet layup travel through the hoop.

"Well /fine/, then I've got no choice!" she says, mostly to herself, grabbing the rebound and pouding down the court towards the opposite goal. She makes a mental note to check on Rei as soon as she's done with this maneuver, but that Eva pilot is ridiculously resilient. She's probably ok. Either way, Kusuha stops short just shy of the half-way mark and spins the ball around her body, before /launching/ it towards the net. "CHESTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

COMBAT: Kusuha Mizuha has activated a spirit command.

COMBAT: Kusuha Mizuha has attacked Roy Fokker. FROM DOWNTOWWWWWWWWN added to their queue.

COMBAT: Kusuha Mizuha has struck a devastating hit on Roy Fokker's RB-79 Ball using FROM DOWNTOWWWWWWWWN.

COMBAT: Roy Fokker's evasion attempt has failed.

Major Roy Fokker, leader of the Earth Federation Alliance's elite Skull Squadron, has never been hit so hard FROM DOWNTOWN. His mouth hangs open as the ball just effortlessly sinks into the net. As his mouth is open, his personal assistant (obviously some bar skank he picked up from the hilton nebula zeta bar) pours the tried and true remedy of whiskey-and-coolant into his mouth.

"Fine. I'll draft an ammendment to the EFA Hangar Hoops regulations: women are now allowed on the court. Unconditionally. But don't get /cocky/."

As the blue basketball hits his hands, Roy sprints just over the half court line. He stands, whiskey dripping from every pore, and eyes the hoop.

He shoots, an attempt like nothing any spacehoopz spectator has ever seen...

Off of Skull Eleven, into the Reflex Missile racks, off of the priceless antique SR-71, off of the Macross Kola Vending machine, into the bleachers and off of Leo Stenbuck's head...

...NOTHING BUT NET???

COMBAT: Roy Fokker has attacked Leo Stenbuck. Nothing But Net added to their queue.

COMBAT: Leo Stenbuck has activated a spirit command.

COMBAT: Roy Fokker has struck a apocalyptic hit on Leo Stenbuck's RB-79 Ball using Nothing But Net.

Knock Out! Leo Stenbuck's RB-79 Ball unit has become disabled!

COMBAT: Leo Stenbuck has counter attacked for a minor hit on Roy Fokker's RB-79 Ball using Action To Be Determined At A Later Date.

Leo just stares as Rei erupts into neon light like a gay marshmallow man wizard, leaps up for the assist, and simply smacks her head against the backboard and hits the ground. He moves his hand from his ribs to his forehead, and wonders aloud, "Am... am I hallucinating?" After a few moments to determine that no, in fact, he is not, he once again rushes to Rei's side, sliding into a kneel next to her.

"Are you okay?" he asks, frantic once again. "We should stop playing... you're gonna get hurt..." He busies himself fussing over Rei, leaving it to ROY FOKKER to make history.

As foretold in the Prophecy, the RB-78 B-Ball rebounds ridiculously through the court, bouncing off all manner of objects. Near the end of its fated path, it strikes Leo Stenbuck squarely in the head and flies up, up into the air. Leo, recoiling, barks a curse and climbs to his feet, storming off the court.

The ball arcs upwards, in agonizingly slow motion, and finally it begins to fall. After almost a full ten seconds, it passes cleanly through the hoop with a mysteriously deafening *swish*.

Nothing But Net indeed.

What crowd there is that has assembled goes wild, leaping to their feet and flailing excitedly as the b-ball bounces joyously beneath the hoop.

BANG

The ball erupts into a spray of neon sparks and then is gone, little more than a few scraps of space rubber on the end. Leo Stenbuck stomps back onto the court, holding a smoking gun, and points accusingly at Roy with his free hand.

"This is retarded!" he shouts. "This didn't resolve anything! Look, just... next time I tell you to-- no, you know what? I don't even care," he interrupts himself, waving dismissively. "I don't care if you don't give me the time of day! But stay away from my girlfriend, you... you alcoholic creep!"

When a man cannot uphold in himself the virtues of b-ball, only conflict and ruin follow.

As Leo makes a scene, Roy Fokker flashes a thumbs-up to Kyosuke. "Good job, pal. You'll make an Eagle-Fokker just yet." He also flashes thumbs-up to Roy and Kusuha. "Good game. In spite of your gender handicap. I'm impressed--"

Then Leo starts talking more and Roy frowns. "Look, Kid Titan. I don't have anything against you. But when /my/ commanding officer tells me to take /your/ girlfriend on a Special Training Excercise, I'm going to. And she's tougher for it."

Roy walks toward Leo Stenbuck, just /looking down/ at him. "But you know what, kid? Good game. I'd buy you and your girlfriend a Haro Lite if you weren't such a poor sport. Buck up. Next time we meet-- as friends."

As STREET HOOPS ends more or less as apocalyptically as it can, Rei stands there, looking from Roy to Leo. If she's confused, she doesn't let it show on her face -- her expression more indicates 'boredom' than anything else. She doesn't speak up to take a side, but she does walk with Leo when he huffs off, following along like an emotionless puppy.

"Leo, calm down!" Kusuha says, gasping. "I thought you were all just playing a friendly game, why would you use Hangar Hoops for evil??" Covering her face with her hands, Kusuha runs out of the hangar sobbing.

That it, then. Roy sends the mother of all shots into the basket, and the game is over. It was, in fact, a good one. But then Leo throws a tantrum with a gun. Kyosuke regards him with a cool look, and states, "You missed the point." The b-ball is supposed to bring officers together, to show them that despite their differences, blah blah blah it doesn't really matter anyway. So instead Kyosuke turns to Roy. "Thank you. It was an honor b-balling with you." And then he's out, returning to the mists from whence he came. Or maybe just to the other side of the hanger.

Leo's face flushes red with SPACE FURY, and he shouts, "SHE WAS--" He's knocked off track by Kusuha bursting into tears and running off, and by the time he's reocvered from the diestraction he quite simply can't be assed anymore. It's not like anyone would listen to him, right? "Whatever," he growls, throwing his hands into the air. This is slightly worrisome, on account of how he is holding a loaded gun.

Thankfully it does not go off and shoot someone in the eye, and Leo stuffs it down the back of his shorts and grabs Rei's hand. "Come on, Rei, I'll take you home," he says, voice still full of anger. He grabs her hand, and half-leads/half-drags her over to where he stowed his uniform and from there to the Vic Viper.

Luckily, there is one tried and true cure for hating Roy Fokker: getting freaky in the cockpit of a space plane.

Rei gives Roy one last look -- it is neutral and expressionless, par for the course -- and then allows herself to be dragged off. "Perhaps you should have played baseball," is all she has to offer.

Message: 11/24

Subject: EFAHHA News

Posted: Sat Jan 03

Author: Roy Fokker

News from the Earth Federation Alliance Hangar Hoops Association

Dispute #23456 between Major Roy Fokker and Lieutenant Leo Stenbuck has been officially resolved.

Roy Fokker and Kyosuke Nanbu, the SDF-1 Eagle-Fokkers (skins), have defeated Leo Stenbuck, Rei Ayanami and Kusuha Mizuha, The No-Names (shirts).

LEt it be known, this conflict has been managed and resolved in the official way-- Hangar Hoops.