2010-03-31 - Hit 'Em High

SOME TIME AGO

"...but I mean, when you think about it, do you really matter?"

Revive Revival is sitting on a bed next to a distraught young woman. Her hair is blonde. It's cut bluntly, as if she were unable to completely bridge the gap between fashion and duty. It's not Louise. But she looks enough like her that Revive Revival likes to pretend. With Louise, he can't say what he wants. He can't stick his fingers into the fissures in her mental stability and spread them and laugh when the hole won't seal back up. Ensign Jody Mills, though, is another story entirely. She's got a long history of problems. She's only fit for military duty as long as she stays on her meds. She'll probably never make it past Ensign even if she's in A-LAWS 'til she's fifty. Thirty years to go.

"No," Ensign Mills sobs, "I don't. I don't... matter..." She hurtles forward, doubling over and letting out free-jazz blurts of sobbing. Her face is buried in her hands. Revive strokes her back casually.

"Hey. Hey. Don't -- don't say that, okay?" Revive Revival has been waiting for this part. It's all he can do to keep from smiling. "It'll be okay, Louise."

It takes a second for that to sink in. "Luh-- Luh-- I'm... not... oh, God, oh, /GOD/," Ensign Mills shrieks, throwing herself up from the bed. "I should just /kill myself/ -- I SHOULD JUST /KILL MYSELF RIGHT NOW/!"

Revive Revival feigns shock for a moment. The cameras in his room are special. Special Innovade privileges. Otherwise, how are beings like he and Healing supposed to survive? The footage will show the Ensign breaking into his quarters while he's not there, having a psychotic episode, off her medication for some reason...

But that's not what's really happening. Revive Revival stands up, and reaches out for Ensign Mills. He takes hold of her necklace and snaps it off. "Pills are in the bedside drawer," he says flatly, and then turns to leave. He'll find the body later, when he's had appropriate time to prepare his reaction.

Some people just can't hack it on the Blanc Rival, Revive thinks as he turns, turning over the necklace in his palm, and exits his quarters, locking the door when he goes.

NOW

Revive Revival floats through the corridors of the Shirogane. He's already gotten an office set up there, and a dedicated shuttle to ferry him between his two posts. He ticks down the nameplates. "...Halevy," he finally says, and grabs hold of the door frame to arrest his float.

Pressing the buzzer, Revive leans down to speak softly into the doorcom. "Louise? Are you home? It's me." Who else could have a voice like that?

Louise has had a tumultuous week. As such, she is /more/ than happy to hear the sound of Revive's voice -- not quite motherly, or even feminine, but not quite masculine either -- from the door comm. "The door's open!" Louise calls, from her seat on her bed; she's been reading a lot today. More than she usually does, at least.

Today's choice of literature: The Politics of Space, by Jamitov Heinman. Tedious and often needlessly imperialistic, but not completely without merit.

Setting her book down on the bed, still open, Louise considers whether or not to throw her uniform jacket on. Right now, she's just in a tank top and green pants -- what passes for "off-duty" wear for an A-LAWS officer.

When Revive dresses off-duty, he dresses off-duty. He hasn't been oblivious to the murmurs on the Shirogane about 'Captain Pink' -- but then, he dresses for himself, not for anyone else, and so pink silk suits continue to suit him just fine. The door whizzes open, and Revive pushes through, touching down on the floor so that he can walk toward the bed. It's important that Revive walks. If he floats toward her, he looks like some sort of benevolent spirit, come to make all of Louise's problems go away. If he walks, he's just a man, which makes it both more personable and more impressive. Revive Revival doesn't dress for anyone else's edification -- but everything he does is carefully screened through his perception of what they want to see.

"Hey," Revive says, snaking a hand out of a pocket and giving a gentle wave. His voice is soft, even though there's no one else around -- it's always soft, but now it's softer, a conscious lowering of his tone into something vaguely parental and definitely sensitive. "Are you okay?"

Revive doesn't wait for an invitation -- he just sits at the edge of the bed, leaning back so that when he turns his head he can see his young protege. His arms are straight behind him, supporting his lean. It looks casual, but not comfortable, suggesting closeness while at the same time making it clear that Louise has to be the one to allow him closer. Revive Revival's body language is so precise that most of his effort goes into making it imperfect. He glances at the book, but doesn't comment. It's not as important as his first question.

This is the second time in twenty-four hours that someone has placed himself neatly at the edge of Louise's bed. Both times, it's been someone worried about her -- and both times, in spite of herself, she's scooted closer. "I'm all right," she says, with a little smile. "I'm feeling a lot better. The bruise is almost gone, too." It's still visible, though -- a tiny little blue mark at the bottom of one of her cheeks.

Revive is one of a handful of people she feels she can be open with. The Innovade has Ribbons's warmth without that feeling of owing, of needing to pay him back for all that he's given her -- if one could compare Louise's relationship to Ribbons with a normal man's relationship to God, her relationship to Revive is more like a normal man's relationship with a man of the cloth.

"Leo came and talked to me last night. It went well, but for a little bit I think he really just wanted to fool around." More candid, perhaps, than Louise usually is about such things -- but then, it's not as though Revive seems to be any stranger to the topic. "He got a little fresh with me. He backed off when I told him I didn't want to, though."

Louise Halevy: definitely old enough money to still be using the expression 'get fresh with someone.'

Increasingly, Revive Revival does not know what to make of young Leo Stenbuck. He can't tell if the boy is so foolishly and completely solipsistic in his desires and pursuits that it makes him a perfect pawn, or an absolute liability. Revive was so proud when Leo belted Louise -- and then he had to go and spoil it by apologizing -- and then he tried to screw her? The zig-zag of Leo's path is something that Revive will devote much thought to later, while he's answering questions about why Ensign Mills might have broken into his quarters and guzzled his bottle of prescription sleeping pills (Cyber-Newtypes, naturally, need more than that OTC stuff -- which makes it quite a bit more dangerous if you overdose. Naturally). For now, though, he frowns, letting his expression convey both disgust and sympathy.

"Good," Revive says, nodding slowly, letting out a breath. "The nerve. You -- You know, you can't let him bully you around, Louise. If I'd known that he was -- /capable/ of that..." Revive doesn't finish his own sentence. In his mind, the blank is filled in with 'I'd have started trying to destroy his life a lot sooner.'

Now, Revive Revival isn't Superman -- he doesn't have x-ray vision for just glancing through walls and keeping up on the romantic entanglements of everyone in A-LAWS. But he's pretty good at making educated guesses, and besides, Louise just confirmed a physical aspect to their relationship, anyway. So. He moves forward with his agenda, even if his body stays still.

"I still feel... I don't know. I'm just trying to understand him." Revive Revival's eyes have that faint red glow that they always do whenever Louise might feel like her connection with him is deepest. That's because the Innovade is carefully seeding the room with feelings. Feelings of doubt. Feelings like maybe things didn't go that well. Feelings like they're talking about a bad person. "To... /snap/ like that... I've never seen any incident like that on his record."

Revive glances away for a moment, then looks at Louise. His face makes it clear he's not having an easy time saying what he says next. Inside, though, he's laughing. "He must have really loved Ralla, huh?"

All truths told, part of Louise was already jealous of Ralla -- his reaction to her disappearance has kept her wondering if he really would care that much about herself, or about Soma. And there was that time that he brought Latooni along to what could've been a date between the two of them, too -- that doesn't involve Ralla, certainly, but it's certainly a red flag.

"I'm /still/ kinda shocked -- I told him we should just forget it, but," Louise starts. She doesn't even think she needs to answer that sentence -- not with Revive feeling this close, this warm. He must already understand -- she isn't sure if she /can/ forget it, not after that.

When the topic of how much Leo must have loved Ralla comes up, she says, "... yeah. He said they ate dinner together a lot -- just as friends. But..." The doubt finally enters her face, and she starts trying to make connections. A rather distressing thought enters her mind. "A lot of the early Cyber-Newtypes -- they don't... They can't really do anything but follow orders from a superior officer, right? Even if it's not an official order?"

Ugly thoughts enter Louise's head, about just what Leo had said last night. It felt genuine then -- but was that just a poker face? Just Leo trying to hide that, at the end of the day, he's only interested in women he can use as he pleases?

Revive Revival nods slowly when the topic of Cyber-Newtypes is brought up. He's always conscious of the fact that he's pretending, and the thing he has to pretend to be the most is one of those stupid tin cans. Luckily, he has an out -- he's a newer model, a better model, a thinking, feeling, laughing, loving model -- but he still despises the /real/ Cyber-Newtypes nearly as much as he despises humanity. It's not even that they're animals -- they're just worthless. A waste of time.

"Yeah," Revive says, glancing away, as if the topic was... a little close to the heart. As if thinking about it makes him think about how lucky he has it. As if... well, any number of things. He doesn't specify. "Yeah, we kind of... took a while getting past that," he says, looking back at Louise, with a quiet and morbid smile of self-deprecation. "But most Cyber-Newtypes... they're... receivers, really. The signal goes in..."

Revive stops himself, running a hand up to his own temple gently, as if thinking about it is awkward for him. His weight rests on one slim arm, still extended behind him on the bed. He has yet to face Louise fully, instead looking sideways, over his shoulder. "But, I mean. I read everything I could find on Leo. He had that little Japanese thing for the longest time, and... well, I mean."

"The boy /does/ have a type, I'd reckon." Revive turns his body now, to face Louise more fully, to increase the impact of his words and heighten the sense that while Louise may not meet Leo's exacting specifications -- she'll always be good enough for /him/.

"Listen, though, we don't have to talk about this, if you don't want to." Doubt. Fear. Jealousy. Judgment. Dishonesty. Suspicion. Resentment. Revive Revival lets some of his more fun emotions seep out, even as his face remains a perfect facade of sisterly tenderness.

"-- sorry, I didn't mean to put you out like that," Louise says, when she realizes she may have struck a nerve with Revive; she scoots just a little bit away from him, subconsciously, trying to give the 'Cyber-Newtype' some space. "I just... do you really think that's..." She definitely remembers multiple occasions when Leo tried to get Ralla to do things -- little things, things like 'have fun' or 'eat cake.' Who's to say he couldn't have tried to get her to do something else?

The worst part of it is that it feels like a rejection from Saji, too -- she'd started leaning so hard on Leo as a surrogate for Saji, even this soon in their relationship, as someone who could be every bit the person she missed so much without being held back by her weakness, her damage.

Louise's hand -- her cybernetic hand -- clenches into a tight fist. Even though it looks every bit like a normal human hand, that tension is so much different from a normal hand -- it's more powerful, more intense. "That -- /bastard/," she forces out, after a few seconds.

She doesn't answer Revive when he says that they don't have to talk about this. She doesn't say anything further, even. She just clenches her fist tight, feeling that resentment and jealousy washing over her, clear as pure water but thick and heavy as mud.

Inasmuch as he is really capable: Revive Revival is getting the fuck off right now.

But he knows that too much fun is -- well, like too much of anything. Things need to be spaced out. Given time to build up. Time to pay off. Time to cool down and settle before equilibrium is shattered again. Like how after Ensign Mills, he's going to have to play it straight on the Blanc Rival for a while. But. That just makes looking forward to next time a little harder... which makes the pay-off even sweeter.

Revive pulls one of his knees up onto the bed, resting his body on his leg in sort of a half-committed 'coming onto the bed' pose. He's wearing shoes, and is careful not to let them touch the sheets. "Easy, Louise. Easy." He sounds concerned. He sounds maybe a little scared. Like he knows what she might be capable of, even if she doesn't. "Look, I... I don't know what his problem is, either. But... I'm sorry, Louise. I feel like I'm failing you."

The Cyber-Newtype's shoulders slump, and he looks down. It's like he's ashamed. But shame is something that shouldn't matter in the future yet to come, right? Shame is outmoded. Shame is a human trick. Shame is oppression. "I thought... I saw how strong you'd become, and I had to let you go. To prove it to yourself. To let you... see. But if I'd known that he would have..." Revive doesn't seem to know how to finish his sentence.

"I've let you down, Louise." Revive Revival closes his eyes. The glow of his pupils can still be faintly seen through his thin eyelids. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," Louise says. "I mean... from what you keep telling me, it /couldn't/ be your fault. The problem is with him and me -- that's all." Her fist is still tight, nails beginning to dig into flesh -- not quite breaking it, but Lord, it's getting there.

Shaking her head, she says, "I -- I think I just need some time alone. He's on leave -- I've got some time to think... I think I need to actually use it." Standing up -- an act that shifts the mattress just enough to accidentally close her face-down book -- she glances down at Revive's closed eyes.

"Don't feel bad about it -- there's nothing to feel bad about. Definitely not for you." Forcing herself to smile, she says, "Feeling bad isn't something we need in the new world, anyway."

There's a girl.

The look of relief that crosses Revive Revival's face is perilously close to genuine. This is likely the most terrifying thing about his end of the discussion thus far -- it's come that close to letting his real self shine through, even if just for this one perverse moment.

Revive, too, stands. He slips his shoes off effortlessly, with barely a brush of each foot to the backs of his legs. He carefully, delicately, takes Louise's hand -- her mechanical one, the cybernetic bit about to push its fingers through itself. "I don't know what I was thinking," Revive says, his amile abashed. "I'm glad you caught me, Louise. It's good to know that you can still see straight."

Yes, Louise can see straight. In a moment where Revive is filling her head with the worst possible scenarios, the worst potential outcomes, the worst feelings, the worst lies. And yet, according to the man-woman-thing she trusts so dearly... this is how the world is. This is her with her eyes open.

"Listen," Revive says, standing close to Louise, but not too close. He gingerly releases her hand, carefully, as if he knows that she could snap his fingers if she did something as simple as uncurling her fist too fast. "I got you something. I mean... I know it's not really... appropriate, but. I wasn't sure what else to do. I just thought maybe it'd..."

Revive reaches into his jacket pocket and removes a necklace. It looks new (he polished it, gave it a new cord), and it's got a small gold circle with a small, glittering red stone set into it. It looks like an eye. It looks like an Innovator's eye, when the light hits it just right. "For luck, really. Something to wear to remind you that you're... you're part of a family, Louise. One that would never hurt you. One that would never /hit/ you. One that's always going to be looking out for you."

Revive gently extends his hand, offering the necklace in his open palm. "Always."

The gift catches Louise off guard -- but then, it's not surprising, when she really thinks about it. Her family -- her Innovator family -- has given her so many gifts. Her hand. Her strength of will. The GN Cannon, the instrument of Katharon's destruction. And now this. In the face of some of it, it seems insignificant -- but what it represents... that's a different story.

"... Thank you," Louise says quietly, taking the necklace with her other hand -- her natural hand. She carefully puts it on, saying, "I'm sorry I don't have anything to give you, but -- thank you." She almost feels bad to be trying to get Revive out of her room, after that -- but at the same time, she really does want to be alone.

"And -- thank you for coming and talking to me so much lately, too," she affirms. "Things have been so weird lately -- the only time a lot of it really makes sense is when I have you to help me sort it out..." She always finds herself at her worst depths of despair when Revive enters her life, and always seems to find herself most uplifted by the time he exits...

... though the question remains, which part is Mr. Revival actually responsible for?

Revive Revival works hard to retain his tone -- vaguely hopeful, sort of foolish, a little embarassed, a lot concerned, cautiously optimistic. He modifies the vibes he's putting out. With the necklace in hand and around her neck, the room suddenly feels safer. Things aren't /as/ bad as they could be. I mean. They're still /bad/. But.

"You look good, Louise," Revive says, his smile muted, his tone low, appreciative and caring without sounding too energetic. "I'm bouncing between ships a lot, but listen. You know my frequency. If he tries... anything like that..." Revive once again lets Louise fill in the rest of the thought herself, but he does make a vague gesture to the radio implant under his ear. This is how they say 'call me' in the new world. Thumbs and pinky fingers are outmoded human concepts.

"Or if you decide you need to talk. Or -- anything. My line's always open for you, Louise." Revive sets a hand on her shoulder, and then his other one comes up and touches her chin, resting just under it. It's a fatherly gesture, like he's regarding a daughter. And, this being Revive, it's mixed with the motherly -- tentatively at first, then with a silent intake of breath, he leans down to give Louise the gentlest little kiss on that small dark spot that sits on her jaw. The gesture complete, he pulls back. Revive seems a bit awkward. He hates faking being awkward. He wants to be smooth and efficient and suave all the time. But sometimes, the job has demands he has to live up to.

"...I'll be around," Revive says, like a bumbling schoolboy on a first date who just completely failed to go for it when it counted and is trying to save face. Or -- is it like that at all? Even when he's at his warmest and most open, Revive Revival is an inscrutable figure. Gender roles become meaningless in his wake. The line between friend and parent, too. The line between friend and...

...and what?

Satisfied with the confusion he hopes he's sowed, Revive steps down from the bed, collects his shoes, and exits without another word. Just a glance at Louise over his shoulder as the door opens. There's something sad about his look.

Lonely, maybe.